Asking hard questions.

So today I woke up, took my vitamins, got on the treadmill & did a 1/2 hr at 3.0 w/ inclines varying between 2-6. I had planned on just walking for 20 mins w/ no inclines so I was pretty proud that I did more. Then my BFF texted me and basically scolded me for only doing it for a 1/2 hr. I tried to explain that I was proud but to my confusion she seemed to think it was unacceptable. She said that she was saying it all w/ love and I know she was just trying to motivate me to go further because I could have. I could have continued w/o the incline but the kids needed things etc.. She also said "I wish I could flip a switch in you."  Just like DH wishes. I understand where they are coming from they all don't understand why I don't make my needs important when they both find them important. Like I've always said I've always have had a great support group but putting myself before others is so difficult for me to do.  I grew up where my Mom always put her self last and it is why I do it.  I had a great childhood and I know all the sacrifices my Mom made for us is why.  To this day my Mom puts everyones needs ahead of her own.  She is very overweight and when I think would I have ever been upset if my Mom put going to the gym before taking me to the mall? Never.  Do I wish she had taken the time for herself to be healthy & fit? Yes.  And here's a doozy.  Do I think that the time away that may have taken would have made my childhood any less wonderful? No.  I've never asked these questions or thought about it this way until just now. I am always so concerned about what if the boys need me or how much time away it's going to take from them.  But from the prospective of the kid, it isn't that way.  My boys would rather have a Mom that can take them to the park & run w/ them, than one that sits on the couch while they play with their toys.

I need to remember just because I am getting healthy & taking some me time doesn't me I am not 100% devoted to my children.  This is very difficult for me to not feel selfish when it comes to this stuff.  I do have everything I need in my house right now to start my journey.  When the time comes I'll start running around the neighborhood. And more importantly this is setting a healthy example for my kids to follow. They have already used my treadmill more than I have. This whole thought process scares the crap out of me.  I am just so overwhelmed trying to be a better Mom, Wife & homemaker that I feel like I am going to explode if I try to fit making a better me in there as well. I have to make it all fit in some how.  I need to keep them all a priority.