Fighting to regain focus.

I wrote the previous blog post at work today. Then I came home ate dinner & went to my first swim lesson.  The swim lesson went ok it is just proof that I need help w/ my breathing but most of the people in the class are pretty afraid of the water. So I am pretty advanced w/ my willingness to get my face wet and go under the water.  The instructor asked me why I was in this class. I told him it was because I can't swim the full length of the pool and the class requirements for conditioning say I have to be able to do that.  I ate so well today until after swim lessons.  For some reason I got home and got super cranky. I was thinking about how I don't think I am going to be able to do the swim part of the triathlon and it all started snowballing after that. I started thinking about my weight gain, feeling frustrated about how nothing seems to work. Yes I can do better at my eating but it is so hard and I don't want to. I want to eat what I want when I want.  As I type I remember & realized that I have to remember it is a control issue! It isn't food that is the problem. The last week life has felt out of control and so I am turning to the food because it is something I can control.  I used some of my weekly points tonight but not to bad. I need to give up the junk.  I am glad I typed this out because it reminded me of the control issue. I know God is the one in control of the big picture but I need to stop thinking that eating junk gives me that control.