Motivation in the mist of struggles.

I am not back on the horse YET, Emphasize on the YET!  I will keep this going but I just don't feel like it right now.  I told my Mom today I was cranky & frustrated with my weight today. Her response was but your working out and I told her I guess it means nothing to my body because even with the extra calorie burn and not over eating like I used to in the past I still can't lose.  It seems that the activity really doesn't do anything for my weight loss.  So in the midst of being frustrated and woes me I get a FB notification. I was tagged in a friends status, this friend is more an aquatiance she is a good friend of my BFF & lives in California. Anyways she said she got on the treadmill for the first time in 19 months and is as out of shape as she thought she was but if (ME) & (my BFF) can do it, I can too.   I haven't been posting much of anything about my working out or joining WW on FB but in the last week or so I have been posting the pics on Instagram and having them post to FB as well. I realized the pics I've been posting could have been motivating  her to start again. She had completed the C25K before but then ended up pregnant and had to stop running. But I thought how funny. I am sitting here upset about my weight loss and yet my work is motivating to others.

I was really looking forward to the 5K tomorrow to compare how fast I can do it & how I feel during in compared to the color run because it is the same route.  But now that BFF's Step Mom passed we had a bunch more of her family join our team like her Step Mom's Dad that will be in a wheel chair. So looks like we will be walking it but at least it will be movement.  My C25K says I need to jog for 25 mins tomorrow. I may still do that after the 5K if it is pretty mellow tomorrow, we will see.

Wanting more...

So dieting has been really bat this week. We had a system upgrade at work and to try to keep moral up they've been feeding us all week. On top of my already binge eating yesterday and today. I see the goal to lose weight this week slipping away.

Today I did week 5 day 2 of my C25K program and Oh My Goodness.. It was really hard.  I felt ill afterwards. DH says I almost bonked.  That is his biking term for hitting a wall. I hadn't eating anything w/ substance since lunch and that was 5 hrs before my work out. But even after eating chicken parm for diner it wasn't until after dinner when I ate a banana I finally started feeling better. My legs hurt so bad. But do you know what?? I did it! I jogged for 10 mins twice! Tomorrow I rest my legs for the 5K on Sunday.  I was telling DH that running doesn't make me happy. I think it might be a great release someday but right now I think about how far I have come w/ the C25K and yet I have no weight loss to show for it.  I want to have better results. DH reminded me today that my butt is looking much better. I told him I don't care about my butt, he says but he likes looking at it.  It has literally be since before marriage that he has commented about my butt. That is over 10 years ago. So I told him it has been forever since he has liked to look at my butt and he basically rests his case.  I want to lose weight, I want my clothing size to go down. Yes it is great that I can jog/run like I haven't been able to since High School. But I wish I was seeing results in other ways. 

Fighting to regain focus.

I wrote the previous blog post at work today. Then I came home ate dinner & went to my first swim lesson.  The swim lesson went ok it is just proof that I need help w/ my breathing but most of the people in the class are pretty afraid of the water. So I am pretty advanced w/ my willingness to get my face wet and go under the water.  The instructor asked me why I was in this class. I told him it was because I can't swim the full length of the pool and the class requirements for conditioning say I have to be able to do that.  I ate so well today until after swim lessons.  For some reason I got home and got super cranky. I was thinking about how I don't think I am going to be able to do the swim part of the triathlon and it all started snowballing after that. I started thinking about my weight gain, feeling frustrated about how nothing seems to work. Yes I can do better at my eating but it is so hard and I don't want to. I want to eat what I want when I want.  As I type I remember & realized that I have to remember it is a control issue! It isn't food that is the problem. The last week life has felt out of control and so I am turning to the food because it is something I can control.  I used some of my weekly points tonight but not to bad. I need to give up the junk.  I am glad I typed this out because it reminded me of the control issue. I know God is the one in control of the big picture but I need to stop thinking that eating junk gives me that control.

3 Day Turn Around..

This is much faster than my normal turn around and it took much longer for me to get here. Normally at about week 2 I give up over eat and then I am depressed about it for a couple weeks or months then thry again but this time. I got there after 4 weeks and it was just for the last 3 days and I am getting ack on track starting today!  According to my scale I am up 1.8 lbs this week. I had to miss weigh in at WW because I had to work this Wed. Granted the scale changed to this weigh right after my binge after my last weigh in and I haven’t been drinking water and hardly eating any fruits or vegies.  So can I bring this back around?  Heck Yes!!  Now I don’t know if the 1.8 lbs is real weight gain or mainly water weight based on the lack of water I’ve been drinking.  I plan to drown myself today in water, so I should be able to tell by tomorrow what it really was. 

So I need to lose the 1.8 I gained plus I’d like to drop an additional 2.2 to bring me to my 10 lbs down. But to be at my 2 lbs a week I should be down 12 lbs meaning I‘d have to lose the 1.8 + 4.2 before my weigh in next week. I am going to try to be better about my food choices. I need to put more fruits and veggies in my diet I mean they are zero points!! And I need to stop not counting my salad dressing, coke or some candy ear and there cause I am sure that is adding up and I am sure they are making a difference as much as I don’t want them too.  And my goal this week is to use my weekly points more over the week. So that is an average of 7 lbs a day. I liked the way the simple start let those be our indulgence points so, I am going to try to keep those for my popcorn, frozen fruit bars, chocolate, cheese.  I am going to add the broccoli & cheese topped baked potato back to my diet cause that felt like a treat even though it was using 3 of my weekly points I think it is worth it.  Another change I am avoiding making, but I think it needs to be done, is get rid of my breakfast sandwich at work.  I’ve always feel this acts as a trigger for sugar and such. So even though it may not be the sandwich it’s self but the diet pop I have with it.  I need to place an advocare order and get some vitamins to take. I am not going to do the whole vitamin packs but just the basic multivitamin and the omega 3 vitamin.  And I need more spark to drink on my day off.

So back to some menu planning  and making better choices. I am predicting that tomorrow I will be back down almost the whole 1.8 I was up after my ample water intake for the day. And I finished off my C25K week 4 yesterday!! During the 5 min jogs I have to tell myself you’ve got this allot after like the 4 min point. This next week they want me to run for 8 mins. O_O  I am not sure how that is possible but a little over a week ago I didn’t think I could run for 5 mins.  So I am just trusting the training schedule. We went to a running store yesterday to check out shoes and maybe get me fitted. My shin splints were really acting up after my 2^nd run this week. Did a bunch of research online & found it is most commonly caused by heel striking. So basically you land too hard on your heel.  So yesterday I focused on making sure I was landing mid foot and I had NO pain. 

When Life Happens….

4 weeks of dieting and you would think I'd have some kind of control.  Well this week I am up still 2 lbs w/ only 1 day until weigh in. The strange thing was I was still tracking and using my points but somehow no loss only gain.  Yesterday I went -2 points and if I am being truthful it is probably closer to 7 for yesterday. And maybe that is where the problems is coming into play. Things that are only 1 pt I am not necessarily counting them. Live my little dark chocolate Dove promises w/ Carmel. They are only 1 pt a piece so they've been going uncounted.  Anyways. So life started happening. My BFF's step mom is losing her fight w/ cancer. And it is to the point where they are kind of all just sitting around waiting for her to take her last breath. I wanted to help out any way I could so yesterday morning I drove down and picked up their 2 kids 8 & 18 months and they ended up spending the night. Well we ordered pizza and I was starving so I ate one piece then I ate 3 pieces of crazy bread. And then I was trying to entertain 4 kids so what I needed to do got pushed to the back burner. The kids ended up having a lots of fun so that makes it worth it.  The 5K for Susan G Komen that we are doing was in honor of my BFF's Step Mom and now it sounds like it will be in Memory of her. :'-(   So anyways it has been a long weekend and really not getting much accomplished and I am over eating.  I need to not let this stop me from pressing through. Yes life happens. Yes I am going to screw up my diet from time to time. But as long as the good days out number the bad I should be heading in the right direction.

Having a "fat" day..

All day today I've been feeling fat. I used up the last of my weekly points and the scale says I am up almost 3 lbs since weigh in and I don't think that is really possible but still it makes you feel huge! So All day I've been struggling and I keep on telling my self I've got this, I can do this, Just keep going, slow and steady wins the race.  Anyways. having one of those days where I see my self in the mirror and wince.  Then my DH gets home and he says you are defiantly getting thinner.  I look at him in shock. I am like I've been feeling fat all day and he comes home and tells me he can see the difference?? So I say thank you but how do I look thinner. He says my hips have slimmed out and my butt has lifted a bit.  O_O  I still think he is kind of crazy. LOL! He then was holding me and said; Yep defiantly thinner.  So then I told him that 7 lbs isn't that much but he says it is on me because I am so short he can really tell. That says allot and I told him that I was having a fat day so that was really wonderful to hear.  I really want to hit my 10 lbs weight loss by next weigh in but the problem is I have to work this Wed so I am not going to be abel to go weigh in. So I may have to go do it on Thursday which gives me an extra day to get the scale down but it means I have to avoid my weekly points until after my weigh in.

Tomorrow I have the last day of week 4 C25K. Next week looks very intimidating but I thought this week was going to kill me and it hasn't yet.  I found a running store near by that I really want to go visit and check out what they have and what they think about my shin splints.  

It feels strange getting Bib Numbers in the mail..

Today my t-shirt and bib number arrived in the mail for my Race for the Cure 5K.  I thought it was so strange getting something like that in the mail. I mean I didn't keep my Warrior Dash one because it was covered in mud but I did keep my Color run bib number and I think this is something I am going to start keeping. DH has a bunch from his bike rides over the last few years and so I always look at his as a sign of his accomplishments in the sport. I don't feel like I am good at running at all yet. My legs hurt and I am worried about my shin splints in my right leg that are resurfacing. I suffered some pain in High School never debilitating but I am much older now. :-/ So I think it make reek more havoc than before. I made some alterations to my 5K shirt and I think I'd not cut so much off next time but hopefully it'll look ok.

I made a purchase that I need to share w/ everyone because it is way cooler than I expected it to be.  So I've been wanting to get one of those blender cups. It is like a type of water bottle but it has a wire ball in it to help mix your meal replacement shakes or spark etc… Every time I went to buy one from advocare.com they were always sold out. Then I was at Target this week and I saw them for sale there! I was excited yet part of me still felt like it was a waste of money just to try to mix my spark when my ice, i put in my cup seems to work just fine as a way to mix it up. But it was dark and my spark stains our cups and they forever taste like spark.  Anyways so today I tried it & was shocked at how well everything was mixed and that it helped me drink it all faster because I wasn't trying to get it to mix for 15 mins.  This thing is GREAT & I highly recommend them.

Beach to Chowder

SO, we've decided to do another 5K. We are going to head to Long Beach for their Beach to Chowder 5K. Running in the sand isn't going to be easy but at least we have to ocean to look at. This brings my total 5Ks for this year to 5. O_O  That of course includes the triathlon.  My swim lessons start next week on Wed. I am hoping I end up better at swimming than I think I am going to be.  My breathing still is doing better and better.  Running seems to be easier when I use my inhaler cause I used it before my last run and it felt way easier than todays when I didn't use it. So I am thinking I am going to use it before my swim lessons. I've been really benefitting from some stretching I found on pinterest.

These have been helping me so much!! I mean I did them after my first run this week and I wasn't sore yesterday. So I was surprised when I woke up sore this morning. I did these again after my run today and I think I am going to try doing yoga on my non running days. So maybe Yoga and weights training for my arms. Next week I need to keep in mind that I am swimming on Wed & Mon so I don't want to be running the same nights I have to get in the pool. Plus DH has to get his bike rides in. I am very glad we have the treadmill in at home. I don't know how we could make all this activity work if I had to get to the gym on top of everything else.  

Feeling a little Bad A$$

So today I conquered Day 1 of Week 4 C25K.  As you can probably tell I was very concerned about what it wanted me to do.  I am sure I've posted about it twice already. But to my amazement, jogging for 5 mins at 4.1 MPH was nothing.  I ran/jogged for 16 mins today.

My shin splints started acting up but I found some fixes for that thanks to pinterest. So now I am looking into some compression socks for temporary relief while I work on a more real fix.

Another story that makes me feel like a bad ass. So a while back I went on a bike ride w/ my DH, BFF her DH & a friend of my BFF and it was my first ride of this season but after we signed up for the triathlon. I don't remember if I blogged about it or not anyways. It was like a 30 mile bike ride on the Cedar River Trail in Renton. And it wasn't easy for me.  I had to make a couple stops, use my inhaler catch my breath. But I did it! So now about 3 weeks ago my BFF & her friend(we'll call her M) that went with us decided to go again. This time it was my BFF, M & two of M's friends. My BFF said they other two girls showed up and they were thin and looked very in shape and toned, you know the kind that always ends up next to you at the gym. They look perfect in the spandex and she said they had really nice bikes all good to go. So my BFF & M were talking & laughing keeping a pretty slow but steady pace she said it was similar to what they did for me when I went on this ride. And they would stop at stop lights or stop signs & wait for the other two to catch up. Well about she says maybe 1/2 way thru the trail and we are not talking the turn around that is 1/2 way but 1/2 way to the turn around. While BFF & M are stopped. One of the other girls catches up and says so and so(the other girl) is done and refuses to ride any further. She just can't do this so we are turning around. O_O  My response to my BFF was but I did it? And she said YES YOU DID, Made me think about the fact that at that point I wasn't dieting, I wasn't doing my C25K and that ride was very hard for me. Yet with all the facts stacked up against me I did it.  I had enough to muscle through. And yet those girls there with them were toned & fit and they couldn't finish. These are the things that make me wonder what I am really going to be able to accomplish if I was actually a healthy and in shape.

Weigh In….

Weigh in today was down 2 lbs. So my total is 7.8 lbs so not quite the 8 lbs I wanted but close enough. So I did go out for mexican to get my little binge in but now I am going to try to get right back on track tomorrow. Everyone keeps saying slow and steady wins the race. I think as much as the speed of this is driving me crazy it might be the way I actually have to lose weight to get it to stick. My BFF did the quick math because I am averaging about 2 lbs a week so she says it should take 30 weeks to reach my 59.8 lbs weight loss and I am already 4 weeks in. Only 26 weeks to go.  I've got this.

Feeling weak...

Here I am negative in my points for the week. Looks like I will not be hitting that 8 lb mark. My BFF who only had 6 lbs to go in her very long journey to lose 80 lbs. She decided to do the Advocare cleanse and in the first 6 day she is down the 6 lbs. She said she finally did it exactly how they say to and BAM the last 6 lbs she's been trying to lose for like 6 months was gone.  I was super excited for her and then I hit my sulking phase. I know I haven't been doing my best I could be working the diet plan better.  And last week I was not negative in my points and I had that .4 gain that sent me into a spiral causing me to over eat yet again but now I sit -8 weekly points.  I am trying to look forward to Wed because at least it is a fresh start and on one hand I do believe that the bingeing I get to do w/ my weekly points has been keeping me from completely saying screw it. However it is also keeping my weight loss at a slower rate. My scale said 176 this morning. No idea what tomorrow or Wed is going to bring and not this Wed but next Wed I have to work so I can't make my weigh in and I am thinking being a little late to work that day just to weigh in.

I need to get up early tomorrow to work out before work because I have plans after work.  I really could go 2 days between my C25K work outs because they are only for 3 days a week and I have never ran in the morning I am wondering if I'd have less stamina to run that I do in the evenings when I have been doing it.

I am so cranky and frustrated I think I wish I could live like this but that is a lie.  I don't like living like this.  I don't want to live like this. I LOVE the fact that I did a 5K & a 20 mile bike ride in the last 8 days & didn't have an asthma attack. I LOVE that my boys are telling me nice running Mommy. I LOVE that my husband is calling me a rock star and that I can see dare I say some pride in his eyes when I he comes in while I am working out on the treadmill. This is a marathon NOT a sprint and just as my C25K training you run and then you walk.  It isn't all downhill. Somedays are easier than others.  I need to keep this going. I can't let my self stop.

Good Morning, not so good night.

This morning the scale said 175.2.  Now of course that isn't what the WW scale will say cause it is over a pound different.  But I hope I continue this downward trend for the next couple days.  Maybe I'll have 2 lbs loss this week and that would be very encouraging.  My goal was to lose 10 lbs by my 4 week weigh in but I don't think that is going to happen w/ my lack of weight loss last week. So WW has me at 178 and down 5.8 lbs. Now my scale the morning of weigh in said I was near 176.6 or 8 I think the WW is 1.4 lbs more than mine. So if I say I am 175.2 their scale will say 176.6. I would love to be down at least 8 lbs cause that will keep me on my 2 lbs a week goal. So I think my scale would need to reals 174.4 then I think theirs would show 8 lbs even. Anyways enough math and numbers.

Today I finished my week 3 of my C25K. Felling really good about running for about 2 mins but that last min they have me run is really pushing me.  Next week is crazy they expect me to run for 3mins then walk 90 sec, run 5 mins, walk 2.5 mins & run 3mins.  I was looking ahead and at then end of week 6 they seem to think I am going to be able to run for 25 mins.  No I will give them that I was doubtful last week that I'd be able to run for 3 mins this week so maybe they know what they are doing but I will believe it when I do it.  I found out at the end of my training today that my treadmill was at an incline of 2! I was like what when did this happen. So I checked w/ my Mom and she said the kids made it an incline of 5 and she realized it when she was on it the other day but then she put it down to 2. So because I've just been unplugging it, it doesn't reset. So my last 2 work outs have been at a 2 incline. So we will see if that is going to help w/ next week.  DH heard me moan and say for crying out loud, when I noticed the incline and he is like what? So I told him and he says well that is because your a rock star babe.  My littlest dude says every time I get my shoes or socks on. Oh Mommy you got your running socks/shoes on?  My oldest little Dude today was watching me and telling me nice running Mommy.  I really want them to be interested in being healthy & in shape. Tonight they played Catch w/ DH & they were running all over the yard and it makes me happy to see them being active.

Tonight DH had to go to bed early because he is working a crazy shift next week so as soon as he went to bed I started eating. I am alone at night and have the munchies.  After such a great weight on the scale this morning I blow it tonight. I am now probably negative about 5-7 points for my weeks w/ only 2 days until my weigh in.  I really want to hit that 8 lbs. I am almost to my 28 days and that is when they say you have broken your bad habit but the problem is I don't think I have. I am defiantly creating a new good habit but I am still binging on weigh in day.  I did the same thing when I lost weight w/ LA Weight Loss. I would binge on weigh in day & then have to re lose the 2 lbs I had lost and then get down additional. meaning I would actually lose 4 lbs a week. So after this weeks weigh in I am praying it goes down. Then my goal for next week is to be smarter w/ my points and to not binge but use them slowly over the week.

Everyone has the answer….

Everyone is always claiming they have the magic cure the perfect plan to help you lose weight. My Cousin just started selling a new program I've never heard of.  The 3 main ones right now all include a cleanse,  protein shake, vitamins & a similar diet plan.  What kills me is the fact that they all say were the best and you know what makes a diet plan work? It is simply sticking to it.  I mean I don't care what diet plan you on are if your sticking to it. That is why I can't quit. I have to keep going. Everything in me says that if I don't stop this will work because it is formulated to work.  I had planned on getting an early start to tomorrow; reading my devotions then right to my C25K and so weight training for my upper body, but now I am babysitting. So I really should get up at 7AM and get it done before they get here at 8AM. I even got my work out clothes ready to go. I am super frustrated w/ food right now.  I don't know how I am going to keep this under control. I am over 21 days on WW but in that week where I am frustrated from lack of results and I'm coming off of a big binge from eating almost all my weekly points in 2 days. It is a hard habit to stop. I need to divide it up evenly so I get an extra 7 points every day so that I am getting that little bit extra but not over eating a bunch. I might be in the negative when I calculate all my points for the day. :-/  I am just confused as to why I go thru this at 3 weeks. This is my MO this is what have done when I've reached the dread uneventful week 3.  I over eat until I get so frustrated I quit.  I need to press through maybe week 4 is my magic week but after I have eaten like crazy for the last 3 days I don't know if it can be.  I may go back to there simple plan I didn't feel deprived on that but I was cooking everyday.  I need to cook food, not eat out and be good w/ my points. I can do this! I need to do this!!

I was just looking through pics & I found one that makes me sigh I so want to look like this again and I wasn't even in shape, fit or at my goal weight. This is after my success w/ LA weight loss & I had hit 140 the day before we left for Disneyland.

Sept 2007 140 lbs

This picture just makes me sick.  I mean not like UGH look at me, but a Oh my goodness I lost all that weight & gained it all back.  I've got to keep going I have to press on. Sorry but I need to keep this positive self talk going to help get me there.

My legs hurt

Two post in one day lucky you. ;-) So after I got done typing up my earlier blog I got off my butt and went and officially did week 3 day 1 of my C25K program. Oh my goodness I have never dripped sweat like that before. I mean after I was done I leaned forward after I was done the sweat dripped down my chest from my neck. I mean This week is a  warm up walk for 5 mins, run/jog 90 sec, walk 90, run/jog 3mins, walk 3mins & repeat the 90 sec and 3 mins.  I thought I was going to die, lol. I thought there is no way I can do this for 3 mins and after the Color run I realized I can move faster than I do on my treadmill so I did this at a 4mph. I kept chanting you can do this you can do this and once you do this you know your able to do it again. Yesterday's bike ride was this way too. Allot of positive self talk going on in my brain. Lots of come on just keep going no matter how slow you have to do it just keep moving.  It is an interesting shift because for so long while biking or something I would get that panicking feeling like I can't do this and my throat would get tight and I start not being able to breath and would need to stop to catch my breath or use my inhaler. This last bike ride I forgot my inhaler and we almost turned around after we had almost gotten to the trail to go back and get it. I felt ok about going w/o it because I've been focusing on my breathing while jogging during my C25K and not having to use my inhaler at all.  I have a post where I talked about my asthma and how I think I am really just fat & out of shape vs having asthma.  I just glanced back at the last 3 years of blog post titles to try to find it but I didn't. However I did see all the struggles I've had over the last 3 years. At the attempts and failures. It reminds me how I don't want that again. How I have to keep pushing through. I know if I stick w/ this it will work. Maybe not as fast as I want but it will work and if it doesn't I'll go back to counting calories or maybe I will go see a nutritionist to find out what my magic formula of food is for my body type. Time to get my self back on track and be strict for the rest of this week because I've used up almost all my weekly points and 15 work out points already in two days.

Pity Party over...

Ok really,  am I really going to let this be then end of it?  I have had quite a pity party for my self yesterday and today.  I have been eating WAY to much. I was thinking this afternoon: Am I really going to to let this defeat me? I have a goal to complete two months & I am on week 3 I have 5 more to go.  On our bike ride yesterday it was the my best ride to date for me.  I didn't have any asthma attacks and I didn't stop besides at stop signs. Granted a couple times I stopped at a stop sign to catch my breath. A couple times I wanted to stop because I was going so slow up hills I used to be able to not ride up and I didn't I kept going. I was feeling so good about my ride and yet I still got horribly cranky and wanted to quit.  Even through out today I've been very wishy washy about the whole thing. Tonight how ever I started thinking I am better than this, I am stronger than this, I am more stubborn than this.  I need to put my stubbornness to good use and stick to this! DH recommended I go see a nutritionist who will help me because of my weight gain maybe it would help. I told him they are very expensive and honestly if I told them I was upset that I'd only lost 6 lbs in 3 weeks they would probably think I was crazy for being upset about it.  I told him I feel like I need to really try I mean yes I have tracked and I am not cheating but I could have spent my points wiser and I hardly ate any veggies last week and it I started my period.  And on Biggest Loser no one loses on week 2 or it is very small. I just wish I had had that break through weight loss like they have on week one. I also think that my yo yo dieting where I diet for 2 weeks and stop is causing party of the problem w/ my week 3 weigh in. This is ALWAYS where I get frustrated enough to quit.  I think my breakthrough week might be this week. I need to press through and keep on w/ my C25K training and actually stop not caring about what I am eating.  I need to try to give up my breakfast sandwiches at work. I know they are only 6 lbs but I should be eating my oatmeal and fruit or hardboiled egg whites & fruit or a a piece of wheat toast w/ peanut butter w/ some fruit. All are less than 6 pts and more filling. I need to be diligent about packing fruit and veggies for snacks not just grabbing 2 pt items I need to focus on the zero point items for snack.

Weigh in

So I am up .4. :-(  And I was wrong about my loss it was 6.2 or something like that. All I know is I gained weight. :-/  So not happy and very frustrated. I want to just give up and stop. But I am going to try again this week and see if we can make up for it next week. I have change my points so that I only can eat my activity points the day I earn them. I was building up activity points for the week and then eating them at the end of the week even though I burned them days and days ago. I don't think my system likes that and I don't think it makes since. If you want to eat your activity points the day you have that extra calorie burn that makes since.

Today I went for a 20 mile bike ride and did some run/jogging and earned an extra 11 points today because of it. My weight watchers app says to shoot for 14 a week. Maybe that is to many. But we went out to Cinnebar and I am going to try not to eat out the rest of the week.

Weigh in tomorrow...

SO cranky today.  I went from being positive yesterday that even w/ a small or no loss that would be ok and today I am feeling the complete opposite. I am so sure that I will not lose or maybe even gain tomorrow.  :-(  I have tracked everything and if I don't lose I am going to do my best to not quit.  I need to buckle down and start measuring things. Right now I've been eyeballing everything.  I also made some not so wise choices w/ my work out points but technically that shouldn't matter as long as I am sticking to the points.   I was telling someone at work This was the going to be my 3rd weigh in and she knows that I give up on things after a week normally so she even pointed out how far I've come. And I go back to but I've only lost 6.4 and I may even gain tomorrow.  I again don't know why the difference between my scale and theres but I know mine says lower than theres but over a pound.

Tomorrow I need to do the C25K week 3 day 1. My Mom joined our team for the Race for the Cure 5K in 3 weeks and she has started the C25K as well but she is doing it every day not skipping days.  I told her then she will be abel to run the whole thing where I am not going to be able to do that. I am thrilled that she is working out this seemed to be the motivation she needed but then I get that poor me reaction where I feel like I am always dragging people down.  Like tomorrow we are going to try to go for a bike ride after my weigh in and I feel bad cause DH is stuck on a ride w/ me but I won't ride alone. So now my BFF is almost complete w/ her C25K and my Mom is planning on completing it before the next one too and I am just staying of the slow and steady course. By the next 5K I will have just completed week 5 of the 9.  My BFF says I will laugh at how slow I use to run in just a short few weeks. We will see.

The scale isn't looking good

After a wonderful Mothers Day yesterday the scale reminded me that I ate way to much.  I am out of weekly points and activity points and the next two days are going to be tough.  I am HUNGRY!!! I think I'll be lucky if I hit .5 lbs loss this week. I knew this week would be a bit of a struggle w/ DH gone on business, it being the week before my period and Mothers Day.  I need to stay focused on the big picture I am doing good and heading in the right direction.  Yes perhaps slower than I wanted to but today I was hungry at work and I went and got some chips from the peer group honor system thing and I calculated the points and found that it wasn't worth it.  I went and put them back then went upstairs to the deli & got a banana.  I saved enough points to have popcorn tonight and hopefully that will help w/ the hunger.  I was telling my BFF yesterday that I am losing much slower than I wanted to & I find that very anticlimactic but maybe this will all stick and work this time because I am learning moderation.  I mean for the first time in a LONG time I am making better choices and not throwing my hands in the air because I ate chocolate.  I mean maybe the key for me is going to be to lose slower because I am not being so strict all the time that I FREAK out and give up out of frustration of feeling deprived.  I realized that Wed will make 21 days of following WW!  OMGosh I've been trying to stick to something for 21 days over and over and over again.  And I already see how it is becoming habit because of the better choices I am making and the restraint I am showing.  We have had a bag of fun size twix in this house for almost a week.  I am wanting to eat food right now but only junk sounds good.  I settled for strawberries a banana drizzled w/ Hershey's syrup. Zero points!  

Well one more day until my weekly points reset and we will see if tracking everything I ate today worked again. I have to remember that I am right before my period so my lower weight loss could have something to do with that as well.  Only one more day to make this a habit and only another week to break the bad habit!  I am still in disbelief that I have come this far.  To keep my 2 lbs a week goal this week technically I could just maintain & still be on track. Got to keep my brain in a positive place!!

Color Run Day!!!!

Here is our before pic. Last night I was so nervous. I kept telling my husband that I was afraid for today. So here is what I would say about the Color Run. It is fun but not what I expected. All the pictures show color powder going everywhere & people covered in color. So I expected at each color station it would be raining that color powder. Well there were people at each station squirting you w/ color liquid. We didn't get much color until the finish line. At the finish line is where the color powered is squirted about and you get a color packet to go to a general place and throw them at people. Now that aside I have to say I am SHOCKED at how fast we did it.  I jogged and walked the whole thing.  We did two 12 minute miles! WHAT!?!?!? I told my BFF that her watch must be wrong cause that is not possible. she said even when I was walking I was really walking fast and that I did it much faster than she expected. I told her me too. We did the whole thing in 40-45 mins. Last week she did hers in an average of 9 min miles.  I thought for sure this would take me the whole hour because at home on my flat treadmill I am at 20 min miles while walking & jogging in my C25K program. My heart rate was way higher and I think maybe to high but what do I really know about how high is to high for my heart. it was in the 160-170's and the machine at the gyms always yells at me at around 160.  So I always try to stay in the 150's.  Now I wasn't feeling like OMGosh my heart is going to explode or even that it was beating out of my chest. But the point being I didn't die and I did it faster than I expected. Here are some more pics from our day.

This was a little over 1/2 way through. 

Only about 50 feet from the finish line.
See how we don't have that much color

Even after going thru the powder my tongue
was blue.

This is where you really get covered w/ color

After!!!

So it was a great morning & Mother's Day. Dinner was very tasty & I did splurge and eat more because I did the 3.2 miles but I am still tracking every bite and I officially ate all extra activity points I've had for this week. So I am a little worried about the weigh in so we will see.  

Color Run tomorrow

DH is home from his business trip!!! YAY!! WHile he was gone we did projects one was my closest. There has been a shirt in my closet for over about 9 years. This shirt is has had a tear in the sleeve a non repairable tear and yet I've kept in in my closet for this whole time we are talking before I had kids. They day I got this shirt my BFF & I went and got our hair done & went shopping while our husbands were hanging out together. So we called them and told them we are going out and when they came to meet us at the Mall my husband said "Our wife's got Hot!"  This was the last time I remember my husband telling me I was hot and I believed it.  Now I know there were other times he has told me I was hot but for some reason I distincly remember it and that I felt like Hell yeah I'm hot!  Honestly that is the only reason I've kept that shirt for that long.  I was bummed about getting rid of it but I realized I needed to let go because I am not the same person who wore that shirt. I'd look at that shirt and think about how great I looked back then. This shirt is not fixable and I have come a very long way since then.  That shirt symbolized someone I kept aspiring to be again but I can't become her again and that is a good thing.  I have grown in so many ways. I am a mother now of 2 little boys and a wife of over 10 years.  I have health aspirations now along w/ goals to complete 5K's & maybe one day the Disneyland 1/2 Marathon.  The person that bought that shirt would never have these goals.

Tomorrow is the Color Run and I am more than a little scared.  I don't feel prepared and I am worried I am not going to be able to complete it.  But I keep reminding myself that I completed the Warrior Dash w/ NO training and this is just a 5K no obstacles. But the thing that was nice about the obstacles was it gave me resting time. This is 100% running but the website says it is for anyone. It may take me an hour to walk it but I know I can walk 3 miles w/o stopping.

I told you I signed up for a triathlon w/ my BFF? In the beginning she said that she'd stick w/ me but if I couldn't complete the swim in 1/2 hr she'd have to leave me in her dust because if you can't complete it in 1/2 hour they don't let you continue.  I totally got that & understood. Well now it has changed and she is saying she isn't waiting for me at all & she'll see me at the finish line.  I get her reasoning. She said she is doing this for her and she wants to beat her time when she did this 13 years ago before she had kids. I get that I would want that too. But now I am toying w/ the idea of not doing it.  I need that buddy system if I don't have someone there to distract and keep me focused I can get lost in my head and talk myself into quitting. At this point there is NO WAY I can swim a 1/3 mile. I am not worried bout the 12 mile bike ride or even the 5K at the end because I have already started the training for that. She thinks that I am stronger and more powerful than I give myself credit for and that I can keep up w/ her if I just start training.

I found a couch to Sprint Tri 12 week training but the assume you are in better shape than I am. Cause you should be right?  I mean anyone in their right mind should be in better shape than I am when they think about signing up for a Triathlon. I just counted the weeks and we have 14 until the Triathlon. I feel like that is pretty realistic time frame to get ready for it because I am not worried about the bike ride at all. The 5K I am 2 weeks down on my 9 week C25K so no problem there. But the swimming…….. I have NEVER been a good swimmer like I've never tried to and when I took the one set of lessons I did as a kid I didn't really excel at it either. So not sure how I am going to survive this. I've watched some videos on youtube that were pretty enlightening. It says the most important thing is to be tall in the water and that if your anyway near the 5ft to 5.5 range that causes allot of difficulty. So great being 4.11 I am already at a disadvantage. *sigh*

Weigh in day...

So I am keeping busy enough that I am not blogging as much as I expected. So today was weigh in and I have to admit I thought for sure I was going to prove this system wrong.  I tracked EVERYTHING I put into my mouth.  And I made sure I had points for these things even if it meant have to work out.  So I've been imputing all my steps earning me activity points and my C25K work outs. So I was at zero weekly points & zero activity points last night. Here is the tally of the foods I ate in my attempt to prove the system wrong.
Mexican Restaurant had chips & salsa, fajita taco salad
Cinebar had potato skins, philly cheese stake sandwich and some fries.
Homemade chocolate chip cookies like 9 of them w/ in a 24 hr period
Medium McDonalds french fries
Doritos w/ melted cheese
Twix bite size candies

So as I said all of this was tracked! I didn't cheat by eating more points than I had I just thought HA take that w/ all this I will not lose this week and I'll be allowed to quit again. Looking for a way to fail for some reason. I don't know why. And I lost 2.4 lbs this week. O_O  I have lost 6.4 in two weeks. I am in shock not sure what to think and still not quite happy with it because of that whole week I lost 7 lbs or the fact that most 1st weeks I lose 5 lbs. but I frankly can't believe it ended w/ a loss. So now we are onto week 3.  I am really looking forward to the 10 lbs mark.  I haven't lost 10 pounds in a long time. I've done the 5 in one week several times but always giving up and that is only 3.6 lbs away. I am thinking it is totally realistic to expect to lose 10 lbs by week four.  So that is an average of 1.8 lbs each week for the next two weeks. So we are pressing forward toward my goal. Even though I am still feeling very apprehensive about this whole thing. I am still waiting for the other foot to drop.

-3

No I haven't lost more weight that is wear my weekly points allowance is at right now.  I over ate yesterday including depleting my weekly loins and work out points. So as I earn work out points those I can get to positive points.  So last night as I ate my 6th Chocolate chip cookie, we had company over and I made them for dessert, I told myself I just need to get right back to it tomorrow.  But what happens this morning?  I get up and eat 3 Chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.  :-/  And I want to go get fast-food for lunch and I am stressed about DH leaving on his business trip tomorrow.  How do I stop the massive eating?  It feels like once I start I can't stop.  I have to work out at least twice to earn the 3 points to break even and I have to stick strictly to my points.

 I feel like there is no way I can lose weight this week.  I have eating out at a Mexican restaurant, cinnabar and ate like a pig yesterday on delicious home made food. Where the week before I stuck to the diet and only lost 3.8 so I feel a little hopeless. I am 2nd guessing the amount of chips I ate at the Mexican resturant and I haven't been drinking water like I should.  My kids are sick. they always are right before & while DH is away on business. I am digging myself back into the hole.  Here is a pic I drew right before I started my diet of rock bottom.  I titled it "Sometimes you just need to look up"

I just wish it was a matter of fact for me to just eat right. Why is it such a struggle and so difficult to make good decisions? My BFF that I am running the color run w/ next weekend just did a different 5K this last weekend and she did it in 36 mins and I instantly feel guilty that she is stuck running the next one w/ me. I mean that means she did an about an 11 min mile and I am currently not even hitting a mile in 20 mins on my C25K program.  I always feel behind.  Granted I need to remember she started the C25K when I should have so she is on week 7 and I am on week 2(starting today).  So back again to the fact that I don't make good decisions. I could be very prepared for next weekend but instead I am no anywhere close to it.  I am nervous and want to back out just because of my lack of ability.  The whole last 1/2 of the color run is uphill. I am afraid for my lungs.  I have a feeling I will be posting allot over the next week w/ DH not home. So be prepared for daily or possibly multiple post a day.

Weigh in, a couple days late.

Sorry for the delay in blogging my weigh in. So the weigh in at WW was -3.8.  So I have mixed feelings about the weigh in. I feel like it should have been more and it really wasn't anything but water weight. My scale & theirs doesn't match but I got 2 different numbers on mine and have no idea how far off they are.  SO I have kind of lost faith in using my scale to track how I am doing an that scares me a little. I am a little obsessed w/ weighing myself and to not be able to keep tabs on how I am doing between my weekly weigh ins bothers me.

So at our WW meeting the topic was plateaus they brought in another person, not a leader but someone like me who normally attends a different meeting. she got up there in her Boston Marathon shirt and medal.  She has a hard time losing weight and she qualified for and completed the BostonMarathon this year.  In case you don't understand what this means besides the fact that she an run 26.2 miles, she has to qualify to get into the Boston Marathon. To qualify she has to prove she ran another marathon at 3hrs & 35 mins. That means she is running 8 min miles the WHOLE 26.2 miles!!! I can't barley do a mile in 20 mins at this point.    So our WW leader asked her what keeps her going while she is running her Marathons. She said just focusing on how may miles she has completed. She then asked if any of her Marathons are ever all downhill? And she Laughed and said NO!  She then asked if it has uphill, downhill & flat parts? She then said yes, of course.  If you haven't figured it out yet she then compared it to weight loss and how we always have this expectation that it should all be downhill. Where anything worth completing isn't easy. This is true, in all aspects of life, and it is so frustrating!!!

Well I feel like I am over eating the last couple days. With a date night to Cinnebar and today I ate over 40 points.  I only get 26 a day but I am tracking every bit and I still have some weekly points left.  And I'd rather use my weekly points further away from my weigh in than to it.  Next week is already going to be difficult because DH is going out of town on business again. the first time he left I lost 7 lbs because I was so stressed I couldn't eat. The last 2 times he left I did the opposite and over ate while he was gone. I have been so stressed lately and I have yet to figure out how to manage it. I am trying to focus on what I want to get done while DH is going and I was thinking major spring cleaning but I also am thinking about gutting closets and reorganizing them. Normally I'll get so focused on my project I forget to eat until I am starving and then I run and get fast food. So I my set an alarm to make sure I remember to eat regularly.  I really am shooting for another 2.2 lbs down next week making it a even 6 lbs. But with my eating for the last couple days I don't think it is possible.

C25K week on is complete and I have the next two days off technically.  But I feel like I should start week two tomorrow. Or if I don't start it tomorrow I need to at least work out tomorrow w/ my normal treadmill & weight circuit.