Thanksgiving wrap up….

Thanksgiving morning came and I reach my goal of being under 170!!!! My scale read 169.6!! I thought I would be like jumping up and down but I was in shock!  I was in complete disbelief that I saw that number and on the day that was my goal to reach it.  The sad truth is I honestly can't tell you when the last time was that I reached a weight goal I had set for myself.   After my amazing weekend with my husband eating all my weekly points in 3 days, including thanksgiving, my scale said 170.8 this morning.  Not to shabby considering all that I have been eating and Thanksgiving I am proud of that number still.  And I found a perk for not hosting Thanksgiving. NO leftovers!!!  If I had leftovers I would have had a bigger problem not over eating for thanksgiving.  Today was a struggle with eating. I hadn't planned out my points like I had for the last 3 days and I over did it.  I am hoping to maintain at my weight this week.  The next couple days are going to be full of fruits, veggies, lean protein and water. Lots and lots of water!

Preparing For Thanksgiving & weigh in

Like I mentioned in my last post I have a big long weekend ahead starting with tomorrow, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a day centered around: giving Thanks for all we have. This is the one day of the year where people plan to eat until they’re sick. We wear loose fitting pants because we know we are going to eat too much.  Are we Thankful for the food we have access to? Of course we are but we treat this day as if its purpose is to worship food. I am not demeaning the importance of our Holiday meals together as a family, I just think we really need to take a step back from the glutton-fest it has seem to become.  When I was buying my turkey the recommendation was that I purchase a pound & a half per guest! OK, let’s say while cooking the Turkey loses that half pound per serving during the cooking process, they are still recommending 16 oz of turkey per person!  Is this a marketing ploy or is it really what we find acceptable and needed?  My turkey serving I have planned for Thanksgiving is 6 oz and I thought that was allot.  I can imagine eating 16 oz of turkey.   I was up late calculating my points for my Thanksgiving meal. I will be weighing and measuring my food and tracking every bite.  I am going to be able to eat my Thanksgiving dinner with out that guilt feeling afterwards. WW gives me 26 points a day and my Thanksgiving meal is 25 points. Good news is I have access to all my weekly points for this weekend as well so I have my extra 49 to pull from for the other meals during the day. 

The next two days will also include eating out for every meal. I don’t know where we will be eating out each meal but I know a few so I went ahead and plugged those in and then for the meals I was unsure of I reserved blocks of points. For example: on Friday night I know we’ll be eating at a buffet so I reserved 20 points for that alone. I literally have all my points written down for Thur-Sat, as close as I could guess they would be.   I feel totally confident in my plans for this weekend. I am not worried about “blowing” my diet or feeling so guilty & down I just give up. Speaking of tracking and not feeling guilty let’s get to today’s weigh in!

This morning’s weigh in came in at -2.8!!!!!!!!!!!!  That makes a total of 12 lbs since I joined in April and the majority (put pouds here) of this was since I did my Advocare cleanse almost 3 months ago. I don’t know that I’ve ever been this excited about losing under 3 lbs.  But I am thrilled. The scale is SO close to the 160’s I can taste it.  This week I tracked everything! I enjoyed going out with my hubby and eating a philly cheese steak sandwich, fires and a brownie for dessert. I went out to my boy’s favorite restaurant and was able to find something that fit into my daily points. I enjoy my favorite evening snack of popcorn EVERY night! I always think back about how after the first couple weeks of tracking again in WW I always brag about how wonderful the plan is and how I am not deprived and how doable it is. It baffles me that so many times in the past I give up.  I feel the difference this time is going to be the fact that I am prepared for low weight loss under a pound. I am actually measuring, weighing and tracking every bite. And the biggest difference of all is I am being honest with myself. I can’t lie to myself about the effort I’ve put into dieting in the past. I know anything I put my mind to I succeed. In the past I have chosen to listen to that little voice inside my head that tells me: I’m not worth it, that I followed the plan and gained weight (knowing I over ate), you deserve a break or the biggest lie of all: you can be happy & healthy this way. 

I am very happy with my life, I am truly blessed! But my body needs me to be healthy, my family needs me healthy, I need me healthy and I don’t care what you think if you are overweight you are not healthy.  You may say “But I have no medical issues, my Dr says I’m healthy.” I am calling BS! I know I’ve said this before but just because you may not have anything that requires medication yet doesn’t make you healthy. Keep on this road and you will need medication.  I believe once you take the “I want to be thin/skinny” out of the vocabulary and change it to I want to be healthy something in your thinking changes.  A common saying when you as a Mom to be do you want a boy or girl is it doesn’t matter as long as he or she is healthy. We worry about our kids health before they are even, and yet somehow we believe the lie that it is ok for us to be unhealthy.  I challenge you to change the belief that it is ok to not live a healthy life style. I will get off my soap box now, but isn’t that kind of what a blog is your own virtual soapbox?? LOL!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Plan and be prepared and you can enjoy even more than your relative that is unbuttoning their pants and rubbing their belly saying they need just a little bit longer before they have pie.  You can have your pie and enjoy it too. Make good choices do indulge in your favorites but measure your portions to keep you from over indulging.

It seems like I've been doing this forever

Tonight my thoughts moved to my diet and I felt like I've been doing WW forever.  What have my last 3 weeks back on WW been like? I then came to a reality that though it's been 3 weeks since I posted my before pics and measurements, my real first week back on WW started Nov 12th. My weigh in on Nov 19th resulted in only a .8 weight loss and I had to be honest with myself about the fact that I was negative about 30 points for that week so I am lucky there wasn't gain!  This is the first week I am tracking and actually adhering to my daily and weekly points.  Really I can look at this as week one.  All this being said, my feeling like I've been doing this forever wasn't a negative one this time around.  It was more of a yeah I know I'll be doing this forever and I think I'm going to be ok with that.  WW does teach the correct way to eat for the rest of your life. When I hit maintenance it will be slightly different. I'll get to eat a little more than while losing but I will continue with the whole method that I can splurge a little and when I work out I need to fuel my body with some extra calories.  When I look at my future I think about how I'll be to a point one day where because it is Thanksgiving this week I go out a run a few miles to burn the calories to compensate for the extra food I will eat.  This is the correct way to live with food.

At my average weight loss in the past of 5 lbs a month it'll take me 10 months to reach goal and honestly it may take a little longer. As much as I've always dreaded the idea of it take a year to lose my weight I am coming to grips with that.  There is a chance I could lose it faster but I need to go into this thinking a year. No quick fixes just commitment to a the change and the goal.  No thinking well it won't take a year so I can put this off. Not this may take a year and I need to treat it as such.  I feel confident and good about this plan and that is the first time ever.

Not feeling guilty

This morning my scale had a number on it I had not seen in a long time. I was pretty excited and I am hoping the downward trend will continue until weigh in next week. I had a goal to be in the 160's by Thanksgiving and I don't care if it is 169.9 I want to be in the 160's.  I haven't been able to lose weight to get into the range in 3 years!  I planned out my points for the day and then the day when awry.   Due to a change in plans cooking dinner was out of the question and the restaurant of choice for the boys was Red Robin. I thought no problem I can get a burger with out a bun and be good. I spent a good half hour before we left calculating points and trying to figure out what I could eat.  My go to items I order that I thought was safe end up way higher than I expected in points.  My favorite Crispy chicken salad is 32 points and that is w/o cheese or bread.  My chicken burger with out a bun is 12 and that is just for the burger, no side salad.  I finally found a salad for 6 points.  It is called the Simply Grilled chicken salad.  I took off the cheese and croutons and it comes up to 6 points. Add an extra point or two for dressing I keep on the side and dip my fork into. When we got there I smelled all the food and I really am tempted to get the fried zucchini appetizer which is only 6 points as well, but I was worried that I would be very hungry later and then dip into negative points because I was so hungry.  I decided to be good and order my salad. It was good, I was full and I didn't have a hit of guilt afterwards.

My eating has surrounded by guilt for a very long time. I feel depressed, upset, frustrated, sad, happy so I eat junk food then I feel guilting and that guilt makes me feel bad and so I repeat my cycle.  I told my hubby that I am full & not full of guilt.  My hubby told me he was proud that I stuck to it when I didn't want to.  I managed to not even eat one fry.  I even touched one twice but both times made the choice to not partake. Feeling really hopeful this week and not doing to shabby either.

I haven't done this in almost 8 years….

In the last two days I spent all my weekly points I had. Between a date night at Cinnebar to see the Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 1& going to Starbucks for Breakfast and Mexican for dinner the day before, they are gone!  But this was all knowing and planned. I figured it is better to spend my weekly points earlier. Now I have to be strict the rest of the week. The thought of that stresses me a little but I feel this is the better way to oporate. I went grocery shopping and today I spent hours doing something I haven't done in almost 8 years. I portioned and labeled EVERYTHING!! When I was on LA Weight loss and lost 30 lbs about 8 years ago, every time I'd go shopping I'd come home and put everything in baggies w/ the correct portion sizes. This time I not only portioned somethings out but I labeled how many points are in everything in my house!!!

labels in the fridge

I spent hours scanning all the foods in my cupboards and looking up foods that live in my fridge. My fridge has some good zero points options. :-)  Then I grabbed my go to snacks and portioned them out and into baggies for easy on the go snacks with out the; well I think thats about a serving. This was very informative and I found that I have been misjudging some of my snack portions.

Snacks good to go!

Because of the cold weather I've been wanting soup for lunch at work and so I went and got a bunch of progresso light soups that have the point plus values right on them. So I was writing them on top of the cans.  I thought Oh chili sounds good too. So I grabbed my favorite can of chili.

My favorite chili vs Progresso Light Soup

The Progresso soup is only 4 PP for the ENTIRE can!! then scanned my chili to get the PP value for that and O_O, Check it out for your self….

16 PP vs 4 PP! O_O

That can of Chili is 16 PP for the can!!!  I wrote NO on the top incase I get tempted.  And to think not that long ago for me to make a small tray of fries then cover them we cheese and chili and that would be dinner. We area talking about one meal being around probably 30 points and I only get 26 a day.  I know this did wonders about 8 years ago and yet I've postponed doing this for 8 years.  Not sure if it was because I felt I know enough and didn't need to do it or if I didn't want to really be aware and have to admit how much I was eating.

Today's weigh in...

After realizing that I didn't stick to my points this week I didn't have high hopes for my weigh in and even thought about not going. BUT I was unable to go last week and will not be able to go next week. To keep myself accountable I went.  The scale went into the right direction at least. Down .8 lbs and after realized how many points I was negative I'll take it.  Even after not the greatest week last week I feel ready and determined this week. We have Thanksgiving next week so I need to get a good start on next week this week.  I know where I went wrong last week. The 22 points of lemonade really wasted almost half of my weekly points.

Since April I've lost 9.2 lbs which means that I've lost 5% of my total weight. The next goal is 10%. That is another 9 lbs away.  My weight loss goal is 1.25 lbs a week/ 5 lbs a month.  I am in the mind set that I am doing great if I can lose only 5 lbs a month.  It is very realistic and attainable.  In true weigh in tradition I splurged today.  I think using the bulk of my weekly points at the beginning of the week is better than the end.  So lots more fruit & veggies this week.

Being brutally honest with myself….

Today I was super frustrated with the sale. My first official week back tracking on WW & I was losing and now I am gaining.  I was so hopeful for a 10 lbs weight loss at my WW meeting this week and then hopefully break into the 160's (according to my scale at home that differs from WW by 1.6 lbs) by Thanksgiving.  This morning when the scale read almost 3 lbs heavier than a few days prior I was annoyed. I thought how unfair this is that I've been dieting this week and seeing a gain.  I then reigned in my thoughts and said no I will be good today and keep on going because quitting isn't going to get me to my goal any faster. As I was sulking I thought well I didn't track EVERYTHING, there were some things I left out figuring they were fine based on the points I had eaten earlier that day.  I decided I needed to be brutally honest with myself. I sat down and tracked EVERYTHING that I had missed. These were mainly dinners and evenings snacks for two days and some Lemonade that I am obsessed with.  This lemonade alone was 11 points per bottle. And I drank two bottles in two days. 11 points is almost half my daily points.  I sat down and tracked it ALL. I am negative about 30 points for this week. The truth isn't fun but I can realize that I did screw up. knowing if my points were where they should have been I would have continued losing.  Track it all people it keeps you honest and you can realize why you're getting the results you are getting.

Every inch of you is perfect…….

A very popular song right now is "All about that base" by: Meghan Trainor.  Incase you don't know the song, it is about how it's ok to have curves and not to worry about your size because  "Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top".  There is power in those words.  I sing them at the top of my lungs in my car. LOL!

I've heard over and over and OVER again that you need to love your self the way you are now. It isn't that you can't lose weight not loving your self. But they say if you don't love you now you won't love you after the weight is gone either.  I used to think these people were nuts.  I can never love my body right now because I can't stand the way it looks or how it makes me feel.  After I read "Choose to Lose" by Chris Powell it started to sink in.  In a previous blog I reviewed the book (see it HERE).  For a quick refresher in the beginning he explains our bodies as machines and about how our fat is a perfect example of our machine working. He said that it our fat is proof that our machine is "beautifully efficient". That book really helps to change your thinking and I highly recommend it.  I had really forgotten about it until today and I was returning to those thoughts. Realizing that when I learned that my fat is a product of my perfect working body I was able to put aside how I felt about my fat.  Now don't get me wrong I still hate it but I need to remember it doesn't define me.

Looking back on what my body has accomplished and my body is truly amazing.  It has gone from non runner to runner. It has fought against the family history of Type 2 Diabietes (so far), in spite of my eating habits.  It has allowed me to stretch my thinking by proving my brain wrong. The most amazing thing my body has done is been the home to new life as my boys developed for 9 months.

I have a long way to go to reach my goal but the long way is the only good way to get there. Taking short cuts never work out. I have taking more time that I needed to get going but I feel that I am truly fixing my thinking and that is how you keep the weight off.

Let's do this!!

So today went pretty well. I insisted my hubby to help remind me to track my points each day. So he has a reminder in his phone and it worked. He reminded me and I sat down and tracked everything I ate that day. I had forgotten to put my paper tracker in my purse. So I found my point books and my tracker so since I can no longer have my phone out at work I can look up point values while at work. I had typed up a blog post at work today but have decided not to post it. So this one is just short and sweet. Just checking in and keeping with my plan that to help me stay accountable to my self. I think I might keep a word doc and just jot my thoughts every day and then take the best of them and post them once or twice a week. Cause I am sure you all don't want a bunch of short blog post every day. :-)

Changing punish to blessed

"Change happens the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change."  This quote rings true over and over again. This morning as I struggled to find something to wear that fit ok and wasn't to tight, I was reminded of this quote.  Has my pain of staying the same finally greater than the pain of change? That says allot because I really don't like change. However now almost 2 months into my meds I am able to keep my logic about me and my emotions in check. So that should take care of the emotional eating. Now it is just taking down the stubbornness inside that feels like this is a punishment. Like I said yesterday I do have to do the time for the crimes of eating crap all these years, however punishment by definition is something that makes someone suffer. To say that I am suffering because I am eating healthy is ridiculous! I a blessed to be able to eat healthy. Blessed to be able to afford healthy foods, blessed to have easy access to these foods. I am blessed to be able to run and work out.  Changing the word punishment to blessed is quite powerful.

This morning I was asking myself: What am I willing to do to lose weight?

Am I willing to give up fast food?
                                 Yes
Am I willing to give up candy?
                                 Yes
Am I willing to track what I eat?
                                  Yes

Simply tracking my foods means I am keeping w/ in my points which EVERY TIME I start weight watchers I write about how I can't believe it works and how it doesn't feel like dieting. (see previous blog posts HERE & HERE) And yet I rebel and it is always because I resort to fat food or candy.  If you look at the next couple blog posts after my pervious success on WW they start talking about lacking of tracking, I ate a few extra points this week, I didn't measure my food, etc…. Even with the holidays approaching I know that WW is totally doable . I will not be abel to attend my meeting this week because my work schedule was changed due to the holiday. So I am going to find my tracking notebook and start tracking tomorrow. I don't think I am going to do the simple start but I need to start measuring & tracking. I know what to do and the pain of staying the same is just to much lately.

Punishment

This week as I struggled and out right refused to eat healthy. I wondered what on earth is wrong with me??  I know I need & want to lose weight, I know eating healthy is the key to get there.  Its like I am sitting in my car and insisting I am going to start it w/ my house key.   Of course I then head into victim territory stating things like it's not fair I can't eat things I want to eat, why does this have to be so difficult for me?   We all know that eating junk food isn't good for you and we eat it out frustration, emotions and because we think it's not fair that others can and we can't.  Today I realized I view eating healthy as a punishment. It seems like everything I figure out one metal view issue w/ diets and food then I find another one. They must be hiding under each layer and as I remove one I find the next one.

No one enjoys punishment. We will try to do anything and everything to avoid it. Maybe that is another reason I am so stubborn about eating what I want even if it's not on my diet.  I view it as a punishment for my crimes. All the years of eating crap now I must be punished for years to reverse the damage.  And to a certain point I do have to pay my time. I didn't gain weight overnight, it may feel like I did but I didn't. But I need to approach this as a discipline not a punishment. Punishment is something that makes someone suffer for something they have done. Discipline helps the person solve the problem.  I've written about discipline before (HERE) as it relates to willpower and that it comes from self discipline. Another mental view I need to change. The great thing about digging so deep into my brain and how I process everything and think about everything is that when I lose weight I should have all the mental problems solved and not return to the weight I was before.

Shut up legs!!

It seems more normal than not to have limited thinking on what we are capable of doing.  It effects every area of our lives. Mainly it effects things that could make us better people. Things that get in our way of achieving our goals, dreams and God given potential.  Tonight at my MK meeting my Director and mentor asked us; if any of us have been involved in something physical, like a sport, that we had the choice to stop but we pushed thru and kept going when we didn't think we could? And in results of that pushing through did more than we expected.  I thought about my top 3 moments I listed in my Races in Review. Each of them are a direct result of me saying Shut up legs and shut up brain! Overpowering the thoughts that are screaming at you to stop. The ones telling you that you can't do this, reminding you that you've never done this before.  And yet you push through! You accomplish something that 30 seconds ago was impossible to you.  Why then can we break through belief barriers in certain areas of our lives but not in all?  I then realized that the same process I take when I am pushing for that fastest mile is what needs to happen to get me past all these other areas that have me hung up in life.  I almost had to pick my jaw up off the ground.  Being involved in sports and being very competitive, needing the extra push for anything physical is something I understand needs to be done. Weight lifting is where I learned the most about it.  I learned that my body is more capable that my brain tells me it is and I can and will make my muscles lift that weight. 

I've had a beliefe that everything from eating right, sticking to my spending, to getting up early was all a emotional battle. I over ate and over spent because I was in a bad mood, etc..  But it is ALL just as much a physical battle as running my 10K was.  My brain tells my legs they need to stop, this is to far, I then start to look for reasons to validate the need to stop running. I start feeling pain in places I really hadn't noticed a few seconds before, my chest tightens and I start to panic a little. I then have to take a breath and tell my legs they are fine and my brain that I am not listening and clear my mind.  If I took this same process when getting up early, eating right, not spending money and so much more, I could have the same amazing results.  My alarm goes off I think Oh it is to early, I am tired and my brain starts to remind me of how late I stayed up, if I took the breath told my mind to shut up and my legs to move and get out of that bed, I would be up early. Literally EVERYTHING can be approached and conquered with a shut up brain and move command. Whether that is to move away from the fridge, onto the treadmill or out the door to conquer your tasks for the day. 

Because of my struggles with anxiety and depression my mind has always been a war zone between crazy illogical thoughts and the truth. This battle keeps me trapped and non motivated to do things.  I've always enjoyed exercise because of the ability to push through things. I've always seen my mind as Fragile  and always try to proceed with caution.  Now my bodies limits I have always viewed differently. Thanks to previous training w/ personal trainers I know my body can take more that I think it can and that is how you get stronger.  I need to start treating all this stuff I've always labeled as emotional as a physical event as well and treat it accordingly. Knowing full well that my body is able to do the things I want it to do.  The key will be to not fall back into the belief that they don't have anything to do with one another. Both need to be address to have success and go outside of your comfort zone.  If you conquer the mental with out the physical  you maybe motivated to work out but never actually do it. If you address just the physical you may get up and move toward your goal but will stop way before you are where you could be just because your brain has come up with an excuse for you to stop.  Everyone take a deep breath, clear you mind of the reasons you can't and tell those legs to move and run towards your goal.

Why is change so hard???

Today my work schedule changed from a M-F 12:30-5:30 shift that I hated to a much better shift of 8-2:30 w/ Wed off!  I get to pick my kids up from school and have a day off during the week, this is a very good change. Yet this morning I was filled with anxiety! I could't believe it I was so anxious about the fact that I wasn't going to be brining my kids to school anymore and that I have to get up early. This shift solves so many stresses I was having with my Mom for my childcare. This is better all around but I was freaking out this morning and most of the day. Today at work I was trying to calm myself realizing this anxiety was just silly because this is a good change. I felt the stirring in my gut that this was a Ah-ha moment.  I've been wanting to lose weight and change my eating habits for the better. I have all these reasons I say "I know" that hold me back. Lack of self worth, fear of failure, lack of control. I've addressed these in previous blog post and came to conclusions that 1. being a better me is the best way to get my self worth back,  2. The rewards far out weight the any failure or set back I may run into & I am in control and need to grab that control and stop letting food control me. All this is well and good and yet I am not doing what I want & need to be doing to reach my goals.  Could the real root of all this be my strong aversion to change?

If I can, I avoid change. I like things to stay the same, it feels safe. For the last about year and a half our lives have been only constant change. Between hubby's business trips,  job changes, schedule changes from week to week, my work changing my schedules now, having to put my dog down, DS1 having trouble in school last year and this school year realizing we have some work ahead of us to help him, DS2 starting preschool and had a very hard time with it at first.  The only thing I could control and not change is what I ate.  Yes it may have derived from feeling a loss of control but that feeling came from all the change we've been experiencing. I shrunk back, stopped reaching for my dreams or goals because I wanted to feel safe and have the constant change stop! In this last year and a half I haven't been on meds until my break down in Sept.  Now almost two months into my meds, it truly is like a fog has lifted and I can always see clearer.

As much as I hate change it is a necessary evil. It sucks but I need to suck it up. The next 3 months no ones schedule is going to change. DH has a a new regular schedule w/ his new job, my job is set in store for the next 3 months, the boys are in school and doing well in school. And we are entering "the most wonderful time of the year"!!!! I love everything about Nov & Dec. The family time, shopping, crafts, baking, wrapping & giving.   Feeling very positive tonight. Feeling empowered to take the next 3 months by storm.

Wanting to run...

It has been week since my 10K and it is kind of driving me crazy that I am not running this weekend.

I am under instructions to only do 30 min walks and other cross training but the bounce of running is a no no for the next couple weeks.  As much as I've acknowledged the desperate need for cross training and how this will help my running, I DON"T WANNA!  It seems much easier to just get on my treadmill and run for a bit.  Tomorrow starts the change in my work schedule and my goal of getting up super early to get in my work outs and I have to start by getting everything ready for tomorrow tonight. I am trying to bring order and organization to my evenings and mornings.   Before the boys go to bed my goal is to have all our clothing picked out for the next day including my work out clothes. And that way in the morning I don't have to think. All the thinking will have been done the night before. Tomorrow I hope to do weights w/ walking treadmill intervals. We've all been battling a cold in this house and I've been up until 2 & 3 in the morning the last two nights unable to sleep. Of course this is all coming on the weekend before I need to start getting to work early.  I told hubby of course I can't sleep and the kids are sick, it's because I am trying to become a morning person.