Babysitting

So here is the first of my predicted situation where I am babysitting while my DH, my BFF & her DH are out riding bikes to train for the STP.  I knew it would happen and honestly it just makes sense that I watch their kids since I am at home w/ my kids anyway.  I get in my head about how they are all out visiting, riding, getting healthy and I don't get to participate in that.  Now again I shouldn't be jealous, I chose not to do the STP. I think it would be fun to do it with them but there is just no way I can get training in to complete it.  I would be left at home while they trained and then left to train on my own and there just isn't anyway that would happen.

I was talking to DH last night about what I should do to lose weight. I want to be completely prepared to go when I get home from the trip. I'm thinking I need to start on Friday 3/7/14.  The last time I lose weight I started on 3/6/07.  The things I remember are just crazy isn't it.  Anyways, his answer is always the same, eat less & move more. I want to tell him to SHUT UP!! I know that is the basics I'm not an idiot. But I need to find something that will stick w/ me. Cause I have problems sticking to things. I am feeling so defeated. I asked DH if I should just join some diet plan w/ pre-made processed foods and we both still don't want me to do that.  I need to find the willingness to prepare food.

Today I feel like I complain so much that people are just annoyed w/ me any more. And I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  It is my own fault I am stuck in this place.  I figure something has to be keeping me hear and I've discovered by blogging it is the fear of failure or losing just to gain it back.  Each failure comes w/ a relapse that results in a larger weight gain than before. I mean the numbers I've been hitting are bigger than my 9 month pregnancy, granted by only a lb or two but still. I then think I just need to do my own. *sigh*