Friday Aug 9th was Dh & I's 10 year Anniversary! Still just as much in love as we were the day we walked down the isle. This means that a little over a year ago I told myself I had a year to lose weight for our 10 year Anniversary trip & pictures. Now here we are 10 short days away from our trip. I am so frustrated w/ my health & weight and yet not frustrated enough to do something about it.
You see it happen all the time. In all the before & afters even in my MK unit. You see people who decide they've had enough & they are ready & willing to do what ever it take to make there dream come true. Is it an easy ride for any of them?? Heck NO! But they do it they fight, they push through & they make it. How!?!?! I've lose weight before so why can't I now? It is so difficult right now. My DH is very supportive will eat what I need to eat but I eat crap! When I am alone I chose to eat what I shouldn't. No one can force me to eat correctly while I am alone. I am running out of time before my mud run. I have no time to do anything before my anniversary trip.
It's said not to look at how far you have to go but how far you've already come. So what if you've gone backwards? Then you get the well everyone has to start somewhere. I need to start & I think I need to stay away from eating things in moderation. When you are truly addicted to food & the high it gives you I don't think you can do it in moderation. I know when I was on LA Weight Loss & had lost about 20lbs I was then able to do eat things in moderation. Even after I had lost 30 lbs I had moderation down so well that I maintained my weight loss for 6-9 months. I think 3-4 weeks of strict eating habits then I can tweak it. But what eating plan should I stick to? Do I break down & do something prepackaged do I just try to keep to calories? Do I try to do LA weight loss again? I just can't seem to stick to anything so what do I do? My Mom started her Food Lovers and said it helped to have a new plan to follow and it frustrates me cause I know I should eat 1200-1500 calories a day, eat 5-6 times a day, limit carbs, eat lots of fruit & veggies & lean protein. So sick and tired of starting over. So sick & tired of not feeling well & my body hurting. Yet the only way to stop starting over is to not quit in the first place. I feel like w/ our trip coming up why would I start a diet when I will be eating out for 5 days straight. Yet it is another excuse really. So what to do??? Do I bother to try to lose weight at this point? I am thinking I need to start exercising because of the mud run but maybe I will try to just not over eat.
DH went on a 100 mile bike ride today and they posted a pic of him and man do I find him sexy. It makes me feel so bad that I know he doesn't look at me & think that way any more. He says he thinks I am sexy but I hear cute out of his mouth the most and I so want to be sexy and hot & I miss him not being able to keep his hands off me. That is one thing I notice when I lose weight is the hands that are all over me. DH says it has nothing to do w/ that but the way I start carrying myself & my attitude. I think the way my butt looks in my jeans has more to do w/ it than he thinks. But then again maybe it is all the way I walk when I feel more confident. Anyway, I can't believe I am still at square one. I should have reached my goal weight dare I say 20 times over again in the last almost 3 years since I've been blogging. Need to let go of the past, need to focus on that I've had success before & there is no reason I can't again. I need to figure out how to push thru the struggles. How to change my habits of turning to food.
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