What do I want????

"What do you want for your birthday?" is the question of the week. As you know I've been bumming about my birthday this year so to make it better my hubby is amazing and surprised me with an overnight get away!!! I am so thankful for him. It was amazing how the special plans he made for us turned my whole mood around. Instead of; It's my birthday week :-(, I am now; HELL YES, it's my birthday week :-D!!!! (Yes, I celebrate for at least a week) My parents are awaiting an answer to what I want for my birthday. What do I want? That is kind of a loaded question. I am having a hard time coming up with material things I want for my birthday.  But when I think about what I REALLY want, I feel selfish and guilty.  I really want to:  be able to put my health first, to be fit, to finish my half marathon in 3 hrs, my home organized, a successful direct sales business, and to quit my job. They say the deeper you dig into what you want, you'll find your why. Your why is what drives you to accomplish & get the things you want. Mine is my family but just as they are my why they are also my why not. I don't do anything after dinner on a week night because it is too close to starting our bedtime routine. My hubby meds time to train for the STP and if I start being gone too we won't have time tighter. Amongst many other reasons why I should be home with my kids/family instead of doing other things.  All I have ever dreamed of being is a wife, mom & homemaker. I never wanted to be stuck at a job, I wanted to be able to volunteer in my kids classes, go on every field trip, keep my house clean and make dinner for my family.  I think because none of these things are happening I cliché even more to the time I have to try to make up for the time I feel I am missing. Because of this I do nothing but sit at home.  Hubby says most of this has to do with how I was raised and my Dad and it is true. My Mom is the most selfless person I know. She never puts her self first and always did whatever my Dad and us kids wanted. Then you combine that with the fact that Dad is a firm believer that quantity of time is more important that quality. I find myself want to to be available for every possible beckon call of my family.  Even though 9/10 I am just sitting at home yelling at kids: Do your homework, get off your brother, stop making that noise, why are there rocks inside the house?? LOL! I might be home and available to them but the quality of the time I am with them is questionable.

I've heard for years it takes 21 days to make a new habit and 27 days to break an old one. The other day I heard a bit of new info: it takes 66 days for your subconscious to take over a new habit and just do it automatically. 66 days, I started looking at the amount of time between my birthday and when we leave to Disneyland and it is exactly 66 days. O_O What would happen if I truly made myself a priority for 77 days? What would happen if I tracked everything I ate for 66 days? What would happen if I stuck to my work out schedule for 66 days? But how do I stick to all of it for 66 days? After the thought of I could do this it is quickly replaced by caution. Hubby thinks I could do it all, I worry that I will become to overwhelmed.  Only one way to find out if this is the time it'll work.