Age Limits

Everyone says after 30 things are break easier, are harder to fix, at 35 pregnancies become "high risk".  Every year on my birthday I swear that this is the year that I'll make the changes. You can see this in past years Blog posts like this one:"Happy Birthday to ME".  I made the decision to start this blog on my birthday 4 years ago.  Well my birthday is coming up and I am really not looking forward to it, which is SO NOT ME!! I normally LOVE my birthday!  Today I was trying to figure out why I am so bummed out about this birthday. At first I thought it was because we don't have a trip planned for it. Normally we are about on our way to Disneyland or the Ocean to celebrate it.  But that just did not feel like the reason. Growing up with very young parents, when my Mom turned 35 I was turning 15. When my Mom was 37 I met & started dating my now husband! So 35 feels old.

I was driving home from the mall with my boys and I realized not only am I feeling old but I am feeling like I've reached the age limits for allot of hopes and dreams.  I know it sounds silly but I do. I've allowed so much time to pass with out achieving any of my big goals.  I have this thirst to do more to be more.  I feel like God has called me to influence others to become the best they can be. But how can I do that when I can't get myself to be the best I can be?  I feel so tired of trying and feeling like I am not getting anywhere. Every time it gets difficult I turn back to the comfort of staying the same. I started asking God, what should I do? I feel at a loss because I just don't know how to push through.  One of the ways God talks to me is through music. I can't even tell you how many times I've been praying asking God for something and the very next song is exactly what I needed to hear. So much so I have a whole playlist on my iPod called: promises.  This was one of those situations. I had just purchased the new Third Day album and the song "Mountain Of God" came on and here are the lyrics I hear:

As I travel on the road,
you have led me down,
you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
And I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
that you are here with me,
yes, you are here with me.
I confess from time to time I lose my way,
but you are always there to bring me back again.

Even though the journey's long,
and I know the road is hard.
Well the one who's gone before me,
He will help me carry on.
And after all that I've been through,
now I realize the truth
that I must go through the valley
to stand upon the Mountain of God.

Remembering how He had met me just last weekend on my run to remind me that He is there to get me through this and then here He is saying it again, I couldn't hold the tears back.  It brought me back to my "Hike" that really started the real process in my brain. The way I currently do things would have been like if I had stopped part way through the hike.  Like after one of my panic attacks , when I felt I couldn't breath or go on and headed back down to the bottom.  But instead I refocussed and got to the top.