Feeling the love

I have a confession: I am extremely guilty of truly believing that I love my husband more than he loves me.  He tells me all the time that he loves me so much more than I think he does. I've always thought ok Babe but felt that I knew I love him more. See my hubby isn't a very emotional person. He didn't cry when he proposed, when he first saw me in my wedding dress or even with our children were born. All these stereotypical times I expected to see my hubby so over come with love that he couldn't help but shed a tear or two. Nope  NADA, NOTHING. He also doesn't believe you can love someone more as the years go on.  I feel I love him more now than ever and he says he has always loved me the same.  You throw that in with the whole self conscious fat girl and you have someone who feels like she can't be loved equally.

Just in the last couple weeks I have realized that I've been wrong this whole time. I don't know how or why but I started noticing the way he still looked at me. I thought that look was long gone. I went on a hunt through our pictures over the years (18 years to be exact) and I found the same loving smile from the very beginning to now.

This man really, truly, madly and deeply loves me. This whole time I've been pushing my insecurities and the way I feel about me on him.  I couldn't imagine anyone not seeing me the way I do. I took my fat girl goggles off and really started pay attention. I am so glad I finally did.  He has always been my biggest cheerleader and even today the eve before our 15K when I am sure I am going to be picked up by the fail bus, he truly believes I will finish and do better than I thought. I am truly blessed that God brought us together all those years ago. I've never wanted to admit that my weight loss journey has always had an undertone for me that I need to lose this weight to be better for him, thinner to help him be able to love me more.  I finally see that my weight hasn't changed that look he has given me all these years. I was just choosing to not see it anymore. Last night he told me he feels lucky to have me as his wife and for the first time in a long time, I actually believed him.