31 to 35- Dealing with regret

31 weeks until my 35th Birthday.  So many possibilities can happen in 31 weeks. Today my mind has been filled with lots of regrets. We all have them, why are they so haunting. They can suck all and any motivation you have in you. As I was feeling the urge to write a poem about the heaviness of regret (you know cause I'm artsy like that ;-) I remembered something very important. Regret can't change anything. You can't go back and change anything. The only option is to move forward and move on.  It seems crazy that we let things that are unchangeable prevent us from doing what we want. We let the negative thoughts come in and remind us of our failures. The toxic combination of regret and procrastination keeps the majority of us right where we are instead of where we should be.

The time will pass anyway..

I updated my calendar of athletic events for this year because we added another 5K.  The Slime run. I am not sure I am going to enjoy it.  Growing up on "You Can't Do That On Television" I used to always want to get slimed but now that I am 34 I am not so sure. LOL!  The Warrior Dash is only 6 weeks away. Last year (view the blog post about last years warrior dash Here) I was so motivated to spend the next year getting in shape and kicking the Warrior Dash's ass, instead of it kicking mine.  Here we are, I am no where near the image I had in my brain for this year. I figured I would have reached my goal weight, and be smoking hot looking amazing in my running gear.  I had this picture in my mind that I could compare the photos from last year and this year and be so poured of how far I've come. We are now in the 11 hour, I mean month, and I am the same weight I was for the last warrior dash. Thank goodness I've been running for a few months and working on my C210K. So hopefully there will be some improvement for the running part of it.

When we are trying to reach a goal a year always sounds so long.  The idea that something might take a year to achieve is very intimidating to me.  So I procrastinate, justify it by saying I still have time or, one more day of not dieting won't screw things up in the big picture. Now a year has come and gone. No matter if we do something or put it off the time will pass always. Each day you put it off really does matter, because before you know it 365 of those days have passed us by. So Carpe Diem and make everyday count toward your goal.

Distorted Reality

I am calling BS!!! You see this all the time on magazines drop _____ weight in___ days or like this one "Walk off 10 LBS, easy no-gym 15-min plan"

Now learning what I've learned from the; Boston Marathon Documentary by Nova, was that even training for a marathon doesn't guarantee weight loss.  So how in the heck is walking 15 mins going to make you lose weight?  Here is the fine print.

It makes me laugh that they think someone who is 50 lbs over weight (me) could lose 5 lbs in two months by walking 15 mins & cutting 200 calories from my diet. Ok, the numbers might work in theory but come on! Let's say I eat 2200 calories a day & I cut 200 calories each day. 2000 calories is still a higher amount I should be eating to maintaining my current weight.

With wording like I just did this and lost 100 lbs! Magazines are full of before and after's with little articles about how they felt before and how they fell now that the weight is off. This is all great, and good for them for losing the weight but I feel like this is party of the reason us women are so frustrated with the weight loss process.  We have a distorted view on the reality of losing weight.  All of the wording makes it all sound so simple. With infomercials, websites, talk shows & magazines always offering the quick fix. "Lose a pant size in a week" "10 lbs in 10 Days" "Lose 5 lbs in 5 Days" "Drop 2 sizes in 2 weeks!" "Lose 20 lbs in 4 weeks" (Theses are all from actual Magazine Covers), we are conditioned to think that losing weight should be easy.  What the before and after stories din the magazines leave out is the time that person wanted to give up, the time they cried out of frustration. 

The cold hard truth about weight loss & getting in shape is that it is FRICKIN HARD WORK!!! The idea of starting something that is going to be difficult and hard, makes any normal person think twice about it.  Not only do we have to change what we've been doing for years but it's going to be difficult to do! Why would we want to do that? We are all looking for instant gratification, quick fix, simple and easy. Well I'm here to tell you that regardless of all the people out there promising you the quick fix, there isn't one. We need to hear that THIS SUCKS and you're going to have to suck it up and do what you don't want to do. The good news is one day it won't suck. One day you won't understand how you used to live the way you do now. Am I speaking from experience, not yet. I have yet to suck it up & get to the to this point. But I know others who have. Having to surrender to the fact that this is just going to suck for a while is hard, but I think it's about time to face it.

Isaiah 40:31

This Bible verse has always been a favorite. But I only have ever quoted the first half of the verse, the part written below.

"but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;"

Today it was like I read the verse for the first time and a line I had missed all my life jumped out at me.  

"they will run and not grow weary"

I am putting this EVERYWHERE!! This is my new claim I am staking. That I may run and not grow weary. It's going on my goal poster and I may even write it on my shoes!  

Blood Test Results are in…...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh My Goodness!!! I couldn't be any more thrilled with my blood test results. I don't even have pre-diabietes! SAY WHAT??  I know right!  Here I was sure I was pre-diabetic and pre-hypertensive and all my test came back excellent. and I am quoting the Dr's notes when I say excellent.  He said my 3 month diabetes test was excellent. He stated my Thyroid was favorable and all my numbers are in the normal range they should be in.  I was so terrified to get these test that I've avoided them for 3 years, 3 YEARS!  I was certain they would bring bad news and now that they haven't I almost feel more motivated.  I think that comes from the stubborn little girl inside that says; no one is going to make me do anything! I felt like if the test results came back bad I would be forced to do something about it. Now they are fine I feel like nothing is holding me back now.  Honestly we all know I am the only one that has been holding myself back.  Now don't get concerned that I think I healthy because my blood test says I'm good. I look at this as that Dr apt like the one they have at the beginning of Biggest Loser to make sure they are ok to exercise.

Today I did Week 3 Day 2 this morning. And I started something I had read about and it is a running journal.  You write the date, how far you went or what work out you did. How you felt before and after the run.

I love this idea because it keeps track of how you feel right after the run.  I remember completing week 4 day 1 of the C25K and I felt empowered because I didn't think it was going to be possible to do it.  It is a place where you can complain before you go out that you don't want to run etc… Then you have this to go back to when you REALLY, REALLY don't want to run you can read this journal and use it as motivation to get out there.  

You can not get skinny with running alone

The last day has been pretty productive.  Wed I went and weighed in and as I suspected it was a 2 lb gain and the lady at WW was very happy for me. It was kind of strange to see that reaction. She said well you haven't been here in a few weeks so a 2 lb gain isn't bad at all. I guess she sees much worse on a daily basis.  The next day I sucked it up and went to the Dr. I finally had my blood drawn for all those test that scare the crap out of me.  Now I await the every looming test results that will tell me if I am pre diabetic (which I am 99.9% sure I am w/ my family history of it) and they are testing my thyroid too.  They took 4 vile's of blood DH thinks they are just running each test twice but I wonder if they were doing more than 2 test.  I guess I'll find out when I get the results.

I put my running shoes back on & completed C210K week 3 day 1.  Wait….what???  Yep I have my first 10K 14 weeks away so I decided to not just redo the C25K but do the slightly different C210K.  So I updated my tickers and we're off!  The beginning of this is exactly the same as the C25K but then it continues until you can run a 10K. It felt good to be running again. I can really feel that it has been almost 6 weeks since I ran but it still wasn't as bad as C25K week one day one was at the beginning.  I feel it'll only take about a week to get back on track.  After I finish the 10K training we will bring on the Half Marathon training.   

I watched a Nova special about 13 people who set out to go from couch to Boston Marathon.  It was a very interesting show. I learned that a person that is at their ideal weight can have the same body fat percentage as someone 70 lbs over weight. The person that was over weight had a body fat percentage of 45% and then there was a super thin chick that was her target weight, according to the Dr.'s charts, yet she was over 40% body fat too!!!   I learned that after all these people were half way thru there marathon training they were all in amazing shape. Their fitness levels sky rocketed however no one had lost much body fat percentage.  They talked about how the only way to really lose the weight is w/ diet.  Sad panda!  I mean really???  They say running a marathon only burns about 2500 calories and in America you can make that up in one meal.  So I now start realizing that against everything I used to think; that if I am working out and not changing my diet I should lose with out dieting. I watched these people run and run and run and not lose hardly anything. The good news is this way of living is called maintenance. So once I lose the weight keeping it off should be easy as long as I am still running. But now I can look back to all the times I hired trainers and worked my butt off at the gym and get SO frustrated because I wasn't losing any weight, but I wasn't dieting either.

33 to 35

So with all the craziness of STP happening,s again SO PROUD of  all of them! I am still in awe. Anyways I flew by week 34 and we are now only 33 weeks until my 35th birthday! Unsure why I am brining this up read "THIS".  So This week it is time to really get my running shoes back on. I am planning on doing a revamped C25K. Since it has been 4 1/2 weeks since I've been running, I feel like I need a kick start.  I dread the idea of starting all 9 weeks over again when I was all the way to week 7. But I feel I need to back track some.  I am going to do the expedited plan to get me back on track. Doing not just the 3 days a week but 6 days starting w/ week 3 (I think)until I am back to about week 6. Then i will go back to the 3 day plan.

Tomorrow is also time to face to music of the last 4 1/2 weeks. I am going to weight watchers in the morning to weigh in.  I haven't stepped on a scale in a while but I am pretty sure it is not going to be good.  But you know thats OK because the only way to fail is to stop trying. And I am not ready to give up I am ready to start over and keep going.

My goal is to not weigh myself except for Weight Watchers weigh ins for the next couple weeks. The scale can have such control over my eating. I can wake up having a skinny day feeling like hey I am making progress then step on the scale to confirm said progress and find there is none. My attitude then takes a turn in the wrong direction. So I will be back tomorrow to updated weight loss tickers and write about my weigh in and time on the treadmill. 

Excuses, excuses, excuses

"Excuses are the lies we tell ourselves that prevent us from doing something, we know we should be doing."

OUCH!!!!

We all have excuses as to what keeps us from achieving our health goals. What are yours? I know what your thinking. Yes I know it is an excuse, but it is a really good real excuse. Because I am a Mom my reasons/excuses are family related too. Now your thinking but you don't understand: I work all day, get home just in time to make dinner then help the kids with homework then get everyone in bed and start over again. Or you kids have activities they can't get to with out you; soccer, swim lessons, piano lessons, church, karate….the list could go on and on.  Now yes, we as Mom's have so many jobs and our family should be our number one priority.  But doesn't every Mom out there deserve some quiet alone time?  Where you don't have to help anyone find anything or stop any fights. Just you alone with your thoughts.  This is what we should turn our exercise time into.  Our exercise time isn't only just the most perfect opportunity for you time, it is also a time when you are making your self better for your family.  So when do you find time? We really need to discipline ourselves to get up early to do so.  All of us who can't find the time once we get home from work because our family really does need us.  But remember working out will get you healthy and keep you around longer for your family.

After dropping DH off for the STP and watching the sunrise I realized how few sunrises I've witnessed. I've always said I prefer sunsets to sunrises cause I'd rather be sleeping. Truth be told the last two early sunrises I've seen both filled me with hope for the day ahead and inspired me.  Sunsets are a good way to relax and reflect but the sunrise is truly motivating.  A sunrise is the symbol of a new day w/ endless possibilities. It made me realize that as much as I am not a morning person, as much as I hate getting up early, I really think I need to make this happen. I need to get up and start my morning with the choice to work towards changing my life, not wake up and choose to hit the snooze.

STP Weekend….

For those of you who don't know the STP is an annual 204 mile bike ride from Seattle to Portland.  DH has done it for the last two years in two days and this year they were joined by my BFF and her husband who have never done the STP.  So DH & his riding buddy were planning on doing it this year in one day. Well my BFF was VERY against this idea for most of the last 5 months that they started training for it. However they then all decided to go for one day. So they had a group of 5 of them DH, Bill, Meg have all ridden the STP before & then my BFF & her hubby newbies.  Normally around here summer doesn't start until after July 4th and the STP weekend comes with temps in the low 70's. With the training and speed they all can keep on any given ride they figured they should be done, including stops, w/ the whole 204 miles by around 6:30PM.  As the weekend approached we all were watching the weather and welcomed the hottest STP weekend possibly in history of the STP.  The temps were in the mid to upper 90's yesterday!!!  None of them have trained for this because it just doesn't get that warm around here. I gave DH strict instructions about hydration, sunscreen and had texted him all the signs of heat stroke to watch for w/ not just him but everyone riding with him.  The ride took much longer than expected because of the heat.  Lots more stop needed due to the heat. But they DID IT!! All 204 miles in one day.  It was not only a physical test for each of them but also a mental & emotional test.  I am finding a theme with endurance involved activities that no matter how you train your muscles for the event you will always have mental & emotional test along the way.   For the first time ever I was at the finish line to cheer for DH as he crossed.

I was happy to be there for him and made as much noise as I could as they all crossed.  My BFF got off her bike and yelled and hugged me so tight, the stating oh I am so gross. LOL!!! BFF says she will never do it again. DH & her hubby area already talking about next year.  I am always so proud of DH when he completes and so happy for the joy he feels when he rides.  So today this blog was about Biking not running but tomorrow we bring the run back.

When something finds new meaning.

I was looking at some older pictures I have from our trip to Boston last year and I have found these pics.

The pic of the shoes is part of the memorial from the Boston Marathon Bombing.  There were so many more, just rows and rows of them.  I remember thinking I get it, running & shoes, but I thought it was kind of and odd tribute.   I now look at Marathons not just as something people have to be very fit to do. But I know now all the mental battles I have with just my little runs. And after reading "Running Like a Girl" the mental battle that takes place during a marathon is crazy. The physical & mental endurance a Marathon takes is baffilng. And a the most important thing for running, is our shoes.  Your shoes can make or break your running.  Shoes can keep & take your pain away. What a better symbol to leave at this sight than your running shoes.  The one thing that protects us, runners, the most from pain and keeps you moving forward. This year marathoners that were injured came back and ran it again. Some with out their legs. (images via google)

The more I read about running and runners the more proud I feel that I have started down this track to join this seeming secret club. From once saying if you see me running you better start running to because something is chasing me, then I started to admire those out running everyday even in the rain & wondered why they did. To now still in the early stages of running I am starting to get it. I'm not there my self yet but I hope this will become my me time. Instead of sitting in front TV, I'll go for a run to clear my mind.  

"Running Like A Girl: Notes on Learning to Run"

I got a new book the other day called "Running Like A Girl: Notes on Learning to Run" Amazon recommended it, it peaked my interest, so I pressed the buy w/ 1-click button.  (evil button)  I just finished the first part all about her journey and running.  I really enjoyed it! It had me smiling, giggling, gasping & feeling a lump in my throat.  I recommend it.  One of the things I found so shocking and wonderful in the this book all a the same time (SPOILERS AHEAD) was that after her first Marathon was that after that she stops running all together and feels like it was a fad in her life.  She gets back to running but this happens 3 more times in the book.  She found running again and again until she finally figured out why she truly ran. (SPOILERS DONE)

Since my injury I have had the hardest time getting back on the treadmill.  I did that one run the other day that was interrupted and my back has been a little sore since I tried. So now I am afraid of trying again, realizing that I may have waited the full two weeks like the Dr said and that would have been yesterday.  Since I've stopped running the motivation for dieting has stopped as well. It is like it is a package deal in my brain for some reason.  You would think Oh I can't work out I would focus hard on my eating right so I can still lose. Especially since I've changed my goal to only 1.25 loss a week.  And with the STP this weekend DH's training has had a peak in the last month. I am a bicycle widow this part of the year and the other night I was so frustrated that I told him it makes me not want to run at all. I told him if my training is going to do tis to him than I want no part of it. I know how it makes me feel and I will NOT do this to my family.  I then try to talk my self back into the idea of it all because my goal is to run my half marathon in 3 hrs or a little less. And if I am taking 3 hrs in the early mornings on Saturdays for like the last 7 week sod training. That isn't that bad but I need to make sure I get my butt up early so that I am not causing my family to be w/o me at night.

Right now I am struggling too because it is VERY warm here. This weekend DH is riding the STP in 90 degrees and normally we are  in the low 70's at best.  And they were planning on doing it in one day this year but it will depend on if the heat allows them too. How do I run when it is to warm to run? Get up early and do it is how.  Mornings need to become my friend.  I need to find a way to crave the morning.  I need to enjoy my quiet time and treadmill time. I can't go for a run outside because my DH is at work and kids are sleeping but I could get up and do my half hour C25K in the morning, shower, the have breakfast and devotions.  I don't even have to get up that early to pull all this off because I don't have to be to work until 9AM and starting in Aug I have a 10AM start but in Sept that will include getting the boys off to school too.

I have remained off of Diet Pepsi and Chocolate but just barely. I have come to the conclusion not once, not twice but three times that I was going to have Diet Pepsi again and each time something has happened to foil my plans.  I should take that as a sign that this is really something I need to continue doing. I am still drinking normal pop when I need a carbonated drink and that is part of the problem. I get frustrated that I am drinking calories and that I don't find that they taste as good as Diet Pepsi.  With STP weekend fast approaching and the fact that we are going to the beach a few weeks after that I am feeling like I want to postpone getting back at the diet and running. But I shouldn't, I have a 5K I was going to do on July 18th in two weeks and I don't feel ready for it.  I don't have a sitter yet for it either. I think that is really want is delaying my focus, the fact that I might not be able to do that one at all.

When it all comes down to it I was enjoying the accomplishment I felt of completing my training.  I need to get back to that I haven't found the runners high so to speak but I do know other things change when I am training. I feel more confident, I don't eat as much junk, I drink more water.  These are reasons alone to put my running shoes back on after almost 4 weeks since my last real run.  *GULP* Alarm is set to get up and run tomorrow. Praying God helps get me up to accomplish this.

Can I really pull this off?

So we went out to dinner with some friends and ended up talking about taking a trip just the 4 adults to DisneyWorld. The recommend we go in May & I responded I can't because I am running a half Marathon in May at Disneyland.  So I countered w/ January & then she said no how bout February? I think thought: WAIT isn't the Princess Half Marathon in February????  Sure enough, it is. All of a sudden I am insisting we plan our trip around this event and I am then thinking wait I am nuts. I was planning on my 15K in March not a Half Marathon in Feb.  But if I complete this & stick to our plan of Disneyland and the Tinker Bell Marathon I will qualify for the Coast to Coast Medal. So not only 2 shiny Disney medals but 3!!!  And if we are going to Disney World anyways why not. This feeling is then followed by the feeling of being sick.   I asked DH if he'd run the princess w/ me cause for my first half marathon I am not sure I feel like I could do it alone. I was excited that my first half was going to be at Disneyland, my favorite place, w/ my BFF.  Two ideas about this drive me crazy. Idea 1. Doing it by myself & Idea 2. Going but not doing it when I had the chance.  I feel like if we really are going to DisneyWorld, no kids, and I don't do it when I had the opportunity to I will regret it until I can complete the coast to coast.  The fear of what if I can't complete it was getting in my head. They require you finish it in 3 1/2 hrs so a 16 min mile pace.  And they say you need to plan for photo & bathroom stops.  So I would love to complete it in 3 hrs which is just under a 14 min pace w/o stops so maybe I can get to a 12 min pace to compensate for the stops.   The training plan for beginning runners on the RunDisney website says it is a 14 week training program.  I have 32 weeks until that day.  I have double the time required to complete the training. Realistically if I have plenty of time to pull this off. Here is the catch. Registration for this is Next Wed. A week away! So I have to decided and because these things sell out like in hours I have to be serious about my decision quick. *GULP*

Happy 4th of July

So today was a successful day w/o Diet Pepsi or candy bars.  I also laced up my running shoes and got back on the treadmill. I had planned to repeat week 5 day 1 today however, I got my 5 min warm up then my first 5 min run. This went well. I could feel it in my lungs but my legs were fine. Then my 4 year old got me to the point that I finally just gave up and stopped running. This is a work week for DH so he works even holidays and weekends. I am hoping to try to run again tomorrow. My kids are out of practice for the last 3 weeks I will remind them tomorrow that treadmill time means I should be left alone unless someone is hurt.

I started digging into my WW cook book.  DH came home from work today exhausted and we started talking dinner and I decided to just get up and cook it myself instead of having him BBQ.  While cooking I was thinking about how much he always appreciates a home cooked meal.  I realized that in all our dating years, at a min of 5 nights a week, his Mom would make dinner for he family, including me most nights.  I always have told people that feeding people is the way she shows she loves people. For the first year of our marriage we would come home to find left overs on our front porch from her. DH is her oldest and apparently it was hard for her to let go of that.  So all these years I've know my husband likes a home cooked meal. He used to say all the time, just make anything, I'll eat it. This thought is so foreign to me because I feel like it has to sound good for me to want to eat it.  For the first time tonight I felt like I need to start doing this for him and my kids.  I don't like cooking, I have a very small kitchen. A 1950's galley kitchen I have a total of 5 two door cupboards. But honestly if it's just me in there cooking it is plenty of room.   In Aug my schedule changes for 3 months to where I am off by 3PM everyday and I have a new goal to cook dinner for my family at least 5 nights a week, 6 would be better.  This gives me this month to plan and prep. I have 27 days that I can make a menu board, meal list w/ shopping lists etc.  In Nov I will probably be stuck at work until 5:30 so this plan won't work then but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Independence Day is coming...

Tomorrow is the 4th of July! I hope you all have a safe and Happy 4th!!  In honor week 35 till I'm 35 I am giving up 2 of my vices Diet Pepsi and candy bars tomorrow. So tomorrow is going to not only be the Independence Day for our country but am going to declare my independence from the true holds these items have on me.  If I have Diet Pepsi, I need/want chocolate to go with it and visa versa.  I have given them both up before but I just traded them for real pop, full of calories, and different candy non chocolate. So this time around I am not go to just swap one drug for another (so to speak).  I have no Diet Pepsi or candy left in my house at this time so it is a good time to start.

I am also putting my running shoes back on tomorrow!! Yes a little earlier than the original 2 weeks I was recommended to no run but at my last Chiropractor apt on Tuesday he declared me recovered and advised me to be careful because back injures seem to have memories and will re injure easily.  I am very nervous and plan to back track on the C25K a few weeks. I was just about to start week 8 and my plan is to head back to week 5. It's been almost 3 weeks. The longest I've gone w/o running prior to this was only a week and I really sucked.  I will let you know how it goes tomorrow.

35 to 35

I was looking at the calendar of events for this summer and our runs DH STP bike ride and it is looking a little crazy.

STP in 1week
Mud to Chocolate in 2 weeks
Iron Girl Sprint Tri in 6 weeks
Warrior Dash in 9 weeks
My first 10K  in 16 weeks

In the midst of the last two things we have our youngest son starting Preschool our oldest going into 2nd grade and my schedule at work will be drastically changing again after my first 10K.  I was then thinking about how the holidays are right after that and soon my 15K which is the day before my birthday then it HIT me.  I am going to be 35.  So I did another countdown and looked at the weeks until my birthday, 35 weeks.  35 weeks until I am 35.  This must mean something and if it doesn't I am going to make it mean something.  All of a sudden I love the fact that it is 35 weeks until I am 35.  I feel there is importance in this and I am going to make the next 35 weeks of my life amazing and life changing. I am tweaking my weight loss goals to go toward my true average.  When I am losing consistently I average 5 lbs a month.  So my new goal for the next 35 weeks is to lose 1.25 lbs a week. That will bring me only about 8 lbs from my goal weight by my birthday.  I am ok with that.  It is longer than I've ever planned it to take but you know what lets set my self up for success instead of frustration and failure.

Here's to the next 35 weeks! They're going to be amazing!