Opening up files

Weight in today 177.8 no I have not been dieting or working out yet. After I threw a little bit of a fit, if I am honest about it, about never getting exercise stuff and DH goes out & gets me a treadmill. I've used it only once. Then the room it is in exploded & I've been unable to lower it to use it.

I finally got my workbook in the mail for the pacesetter program I am doing and the 2nd workbook section is having us open the "files" in our brain. So for example you think of the word: Money. Then you wright down everything that comes into your brain about money statements like: We never have enough,  Savings for vacations, Growing up w/ had very little money, etc.... She calls this pulling out & opening the Money file.  Our brains take what ever we state to be true as a fact & it will work very hard to gather supporting info to prove that this fact is true. So You say I am a bad singer and you're brain takes that as fact. Then will gather ever cracked note you sing or anyone who looks at you funny while you sing as supporting evidence that you are a bad singer.   Then we had to pick a "file" to open on our own and one of the suggestions was body/health.  So because I am hoping this new program will help me w/ my weight loss rut as well I chose to do that one. So I opened up my body/health "file" and wrote down my thoughts and any personal life events or stories that shaped my beliefs on this subject and here is what I wrote:
yoyo dieting, I can't stand the way I look. Feeling unattractive, Been healthy before, Lost weight before, Emotions rule over my food, uncomfortable, unhappy, Mom always doing fad diets & then gaining it all & more back, Never wanting to be the size of my Mom & now I am, I was athletic, I was the "fat" friend w/ no boyfriend, My wedding day was perfect even over weight & my weight didn't matter, I've lost weight before and each time I lose I gain back plus some,  Afraid of losing just to gain it back.  WAIT WHAT!?!?!  I stopped dead in my tracks!  I realized I wrote I am Afraid of losing weight?!?!?!   This would also explain why every little swerve on my diet track is such a big deal because it is validating the "Fact" that I am afraid of losing weight.

Now onward to figure out we retain our brains.  My body is hurting again. my legs are tingly at night.  I am running out of time before we are going to go get family pictures taken.  In Mary Kay they have a saying "Fake it, until you make it" meaning if you do what you need to do while you don't like it or understand it before you know it, it'll be a part of you and your own success story.