It's not the future your afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious

That statement is so true.  "It's not the future your afraid of. It's repeating the past that makes you anxious." I was so proud that not only did I go for a bike ride w/ my DH but then the very next day I did 20 mins on my elliptical. Then I went right back down to rock bottom.    The words my brain says to myself would be out right considered verbal abuse if someone said it out loud to another person.  No wonder I come back to bottom. My accomplishments are not enough to keep me going in the right direction.  I figure there is no point trying because I  have failed so many times in the past and nothing has changed so why would I succeed this time? I have to stick to it and I have no umph to do so.  I find my self mopey & stressed all the time. I've mentioned it before but I am thinking I will go back to my 300 mg of Wellbutrin.  It seems that when I am on my 150 it helps but not like it used to and if I forget to take it I start to feel it the very next day.  I am so low right now I just want to lay in bed until I am skinny.  Since I decided I was going to change my focus the spiritual attacks have been ridiculous. So I've been fighting back and I know God can do all things & He is my strength so do I turn to medication or continue trying to just rely on God.  I believe that God is taking me through all this & I will have victory in His name but is it so bad to use the meds you've been prescribed to help?

My depression is effecting every area of my life right now. I am tired all the time, no motivation to do anything.  I have no patience for my kids, my relationship w/ my DH is feeling it.  Even though I've been trying to keep my thoughts to myself he knows something is going on in my brain. TMI coming up but it is effecting my sex life.  We were having some amazing sex and since he got back from Hong Kong I've been having issues.  I just can't stop the abusive talk in my brain even during sex! O_O  To add to my stress I am taking on something at work that I DO NOT want to do.  I am taking extra hours, 4 hrs on everyday off.  I am doing it to help w/ money while we play the waiting game w/ DH job. We survived another round of lay offs but 1-2 more rounds still remain & the people right below him were let go.  Yet even in all this I am fully trusting God. DH is looking into a couple jobs in areas where he would be working 7/12's but then gets a week off. DH originally said he wouldn't want to ever work that but now he is going to look into it.  This whole process will be for the glory of God and we will be able to give him the praise for whatever the final outcome is.