Going no where fast.....

So, here I am I have hardly made it to the gym for the last 2 1/2 weeks & I meet w/ my training for the first time in 2 1/2 weeks tomorrow. I am going to DIE!! I wish I was seeing results from working out. I cut back my training sessions to every other week this month to save money but then as soon as I didn't have a session I didn't go.  Why is it so hard to be disciplined for me??  I am realizing that I still feel guilty when ever I go to the gym because that is more time away from my family.  I also still fill guilty working my business for the same reasons.  I feel like the easy way out is to just focus on one thing but then again I am not willing to give up my business & I really don't want to be overweight, out of shape, unhealthy & feel unattractive anymore.

DH has been training for the STP bike ride & he has been riding at least twice a week for a few months now, granted he did take a couple weeks off here there. But this is such a commitment for him & something he wants to do & so I am being as supportive as I can. And I am sure he doesn't feel guilty about going on rides and he shouldn't! He needs these rides to prepare him for the STP.   He is always telling me to go to the gym but it is SO hard to leave when the house is in chaos. My 2 year old is going through separation anxiety & w/ my regular job, my business & working out I feel like I am not getting the family time I want.  I keep on telling myself all this is a short term sacrifice for a long term gain. I just can't seem to get past the guilt in my mind.  I don't fault ANYONE else for going to the gym/working out so why do I fault myself for it??  I don't even know if it is motivational issues like I've always assumed it was. I think it may really be the guilt talking me out of things. It makes more since as to why i am not sticking to it.  I get stressed about my family time. But then this doesn't explain why I haven't been successful at dieting.  That doesn't take any time away from my family but the guilt is 90% of the reason I eat.  I get depressed because of what I haven't done & how I could be at my goal weight by now or at least 1/2 way there.  So frustrated!!!!  And I hesitate to say well tomorrow is the day because I have failed so many times. Need to remember that a failure is an event not the person. But it is hard to disconnect the two.