Saturday, April 28, 2012

Can't seem to stop eating...

So this week I managed to make it to the gym 3 times already & I am planning on going again tomorrow morning. So if I count Monday as the start of my week that is 4 times last week!! That is huge. I did my trainer routuine twice & tomorrow will make my second day of 30 mins of cardio.  Yet  I manage to gain weight this week. I am still not over eating & on Thursday & Friday I didn't eat to bad at all. But DH is still losing down 20 lbs now & I am still gaining.  Now truth be told I am not gaining & gaining just fluctuating between 168-170 but I am never 168 for more than a day.  I would LOVE to see it start going down steadily instead of down less than a lb & then right back up.

The horrible thing about it all  is eating right is just a decision away.  I know what you're thinking. No it's not that easy, it takes more than that.  But really think about it.  It isn't when we make a true decision we run w/ it.  Like my decision to get a trainer, to stop eating chocolate & drinking diet pop, to start my MK business. All those things have come to pass because one day I said I decided.  When I truly decide to change my eating I will be able to do it. I've done it in the past but for some reason I keep on giving myself reasons not to.  I say tomorrow I will start then I tell myself well you need a good breakfast, those calories really won't make that big of a difference, you're exercising now anyways.  Or I'll eat good for lunch but figure that gives me the right to eat what I want the rest of the day.  I am very much still about self gratification through my eating habits figure I've cut out chocolate & diet pop & I still want that on a daily basis but I resist.  Then I feel justified to eat the other things.  I am trying to decide what rough to take, & this too is just another excuse,  I don't know if I should go w/ weight watchers, the LA weight loss route or just try counting calories.  I got the spark people app on my phone & that has a great database of food but the idea of calorie counting bugs me it sounds like to much work. The points w/ WW was pretty simple but still lots of work.  I was thinking about LA weight loss again it was super simple. 2 proteins, 2 starches, 3 veggies, 3 fruits, 3 condiments. The one thing that bugged me about that was that what if I wanted more than 2 proteins a day like bacon & eggs for diner that is a good protein filled meal but not on my list.  Again like I said these are all excuses to delay to decision.

I have been having mini breakthroughs in so many areas of my life & I feel that if I can conquer this I will be able to have even more because my weight & self esteem is such a big part of what holds me back & is a large part of my lack of self worth.  Should my weight have this large of an effect on my WHOLE life? NO, absolutely not & I am covering new ground everyday in that battle but I think this would be a huge step in the right direction.

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