My lack there of self esteem is the root to so many issues. Including the fact that I get mad at the fact that I have low self esteem. The comic about is so true to me low self esteem is a big pity party but try to never invite anyone to that party. It is always just me, myself & I at that party & I just feed more & more negativity to myself all day long.
My life seems all out of whack lately & so the first thing I throw on the back burner is my weight loss. It is the easiest thing for me to stop trying to do because it only effects me so me is the fastest thing to put to the side to try to take care of other matters. Right now my house is in shambles because I started spring cleaning but due to the DS2 need to be held I only got to one day of cleaning which included emptying out two closets that are both sitting in the middle of the rooms I emptied them into. So I feel like I can't do anything right now until the house gets back in order but then I think it is just one excuse after another for me. I find my self wanting to try something new like the Advocare 24 day challenge but it is more drastic on the carbs than I choose to do & I know that WW works great & I am paying $40 a month to belong to WW so I should be using it!
I have been struggling w/ self esteem for what feels like eons but when really bruised it this weekend was the wedding we went to. It was for a friend of DH that was in our Wedding I haven't seen him since our wedding but we felt required to be there. SO I have NEVER seen that many short skirts & dresses & super thin gorgeous built women in my life. The whole time I was there I was just stewing figuring that my DH had to be checking them all out because I knew I was. I love dancing & the music there was great but my DH hates dancing & he said he would if I wanted to but I didn't want to get out there next to all those gorgeous tall thin women w/ my short, stumpy, fat self.
Everyone has "the last straw" The thing that actually makes you stick to it & reach your goal. I've had so many last straws I am beginning to thing that my bail of straw is everlasting. My weight effects every facet of our lives from how much I smile, how much money I spend trying to make myself feel better, our sex life, how long my fuse is w/ the kids & even at work I am not a motivated working. I hate to keep thinking back to the last time I lost weight but I was so happy. I have a wonderful life & no reason to be unhappy but I am. DH says it is time to go back on my depression meds & he maybe right. The amazing thing about my meds are they work I am really prone to depression when I am overweight. I sit & mope & get overwhelmed very easily. When I take my meds I am motivated to diet & get stuff accomplished & it helps boost my metabolism a little to cause I always lose better when I am on it even when I don't stick to a strict diet. But I feel almost as if it is cheating to take it because it helps me lose weight. Again this comes from years of my Mom using every diet pill under the sun. I know it is for the good of my family & my health that I go back on my meds but it depresses me that I need them all at the same time.
I wish this was a more upbeat blog but I am not sugar coating anything right now. It has to be close to 99% of people who are overweight go through these fights & struggles & it may help someone to know I feel this way too.
No comments:
Post a Comment