Well I am steadily still gaining weight. Jillian would have broken me & figured out why I can't seem to stick to it. I have even given myself a wonderful incentive that I am going to give myself $10 per pound. When I reach my goal I will have a little over $400 set aside for a reward/new clothes. We are planing on Going to Disneyland for Christmas. Not on the actual day but my Mom & Dad, Brother & his family & My little clan are all going on a few weeks before Christmas & calling it Christmas so no presents really other than that. Anyway my point in telling you that is the fact that I even have an event that is in the near future but far enough away that I could reach my goal weight by then no problem. And we are planing on getting a family picture done w/ ALL of us while we are there. I am tired of not liking the way I look in pictures. In the past I've even put pictures of thinner me on the fridge & cupboards in hopes that would help me to choose to walk away but NO!
So Lets see, If I start counting next Sunday I have 27 weeks until we leave & my personal goal is 130 but to get Life Time at WW I need to hit 124 & as of this morning I was 165.6. So I have either 35.6 lbs or 41.6. So to reach 130 that means I need to lose 1.2 lbs a week & the to reach 124 1.5 lbs a week. Not even the normal 2lb a week goal I always set for my self. I can feel the anxiety just thinking about how attainable this is. I wish is stirred up a better emotion like excitement or empowerment but I just get stressed out & anxious because of how upset I will be if once again I don't do it. I am currently reading "The Battlefield of the Mind" By Joyce Meyer & it takes about w/ this kind of thinking I am already defeated before I even begin. I really need to get to the Meetings they help me so much & I know this but because my weigh in day is technically Sunday I feel guilty going to that when I should be at home trying to get us all out the door to church instead.
I told DH that I need to make time to work out because that helps me be able to splurge a little bit more by getting activity points & it also helps w/ my mood (lets just say I haven't been in the best emotional place this week) too. But I know that time is in the morning before the boys get up & that just isn't going to happen. I am a night owl & so is DS1 I am sure it is just a matter of time before DS2 starts becoming a night owl but maybe he will take after his Daddy & like to sleep early & sleep in. Right now I would settle for sleeping through the night. DS2 will be 1 next month and I am still up w/ him every night. Some say that is a legitimate excuse I have as to why I am finding this so hard to do because I am so tired & the only way I find to stay awake at work or at night is to eat. But I don't want excuses I just want the ability to stick to this. I don't even have the excuse of not knowing what to do I know exactly how to lose weight I know that WW works. Yet I keep on choosing the short lived high of eating food over the long term being healthy & happy. Something is wrong w/ my brain!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment