I have been feeling the call to stop surviving and to start thriving. Which is a very difficult thing for me. I feel guilty for most the blessings I have. I know you think I am crazy but I think I do. We were blessed with this new house and the ease the whole process went down. I mean God sent people to our door with money, that is crazy! But I feel bad that we have such a nice house and others who need and want a bigger nicer house can't get one. We have a good stable income and this has always been a point of struggle for me as I grew up in a family that always struggled, so I feel guilty that we don't struggle and yet we never have extra money either because it always seems to disappear. I took a class that talks about how we each have a certain point in anything and everything were we reach the end of our comfort zone. And when it happens our minds will do anything to keep us in or get back to that comfort zone. Like money, we all have a set amount that we think is ok, but if we make more than that our minds will find ways to get rid of it because it is uncomfortable. Anything beyond surviving may be outside of our comfort zones there for our mental instinct is to do everything in our power to get back into our comfort zone or to stay there. This goes for my losing weight and running too. With weight loss I've said so many times to myself I just need to figure out how to be happy overweight. But I can't be happy unhealthy and even though my body and health are not comfortable at this new weight it is my comfort zone. My running, especially my half marathon training. I was never consistent I would do well then back off, do well then back off. And that was because the whole idea of a half marathon was out of my comfort zone! lol!! Then we have things like my Direct Sales business. I have the same yo yo effect with it do well then stop do well then stop. As much as I want success in weight loss, running my home business I am too stuck in the comfort zone. It is just easier to survive.
So how do we push past the survey instinct and start thriving? I don't know. I know the key is to keep on keeping on and not to quit when things get tough. I have not been on my meds for quite sometime and my hubby told me it was time to start them again. I tired and about lost my mind. The problem is my anxiety is really high and while 90% of my anxiety is based on my depression when I mope around I do to much thinking and then I get all worked up and my crazy kicks into high gear. My depression meds keep me energized and keep me from moping around. Right now I have a very high stress level and so my depression meds just made me feel on the verge of a panic attack the whole time. So I took them for 5 days and had to stop because it was getting so bad I was a sobbing mess at the end of each night. While I don't know the how yet, I know I need to find the way and how because I am meant for more than this. I can be more for my family if I can get this figured out. "We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives. It's time for us to more than just survive, we were made to thrive."
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