Looking through the fat

Today is a lazy Saturday. I am really in the Disney mood. I want to go back now. LOL!! Our annual passes don't expire until 10/30 and I don't think we will use them again. Our next trip is in March,  24 weeks from today. It seems so far and yet I know that will pass super quickly.  In 24 weeks at 2 lbs a week that is 48 lbs & I have 55 to lose to reach my goal. Do you know how thrilled I would be if I lost 48 lbs!!!

Watching home movies normally sends me into a depression requiring massive quaintness of junk food because seeing how large I am & what everyone else sees makes the obeseness undeniable. And I sit here watching my weight go up w/ each video and yet the normal thoughts that go through my brain are not there. I mean sure I see my self and I think yep need to lose that weight but it isn't like it has always been.  I looked at my self & noticed how pretty my eye and smile are.  I mean double chin and all I noticed something positive about myself. I have not thought positive things about myself was when I had lost 30 lbs and Noah was 15 months old. That was the last time I remembering thinking I looked great in like every picture. I seriously looked at my very over weight self and saw some features that still belong the the healthy fit me I've been before.  It is strange I used to say I don't recognize me anymore but I am there and when I get fit and strong I am going to be able to say look at how far I've come. During our last trip I was about at my highest weight and you could tell it was taking it's toll on me. Every time I notice the camera on me you could see the uncomfort. I would start adjusting clothing, my face or just clear move out of the picture.  I've tried to stay behind the camera for so long now.  I am ready to be in the pictures.  No matter what weight I am I am going to have us get family pictures for Christmas. The last professional family photo session we had was when DS1 was 9 months old & I had gotten down to 155.  I have refused to get one ever since. I am over it! Being in the photos and videos are more important.

I would like to work out tomorrow but I am still treadmillless. I may do Jillian's Yoga again.  I feel the urge to do something. :-) And I think I will start tracking tomorrow. Just because I am not getting my treadmill for another week doesn't mean I should not start my tracking habit.  I have my book & no excuses! :-)