I am back up to almost my highest weight ever. How do I get off this roller coaster? I started the Advocare 24 day challenge and did the cleanse for 2 days and gained 2.5lbs! O_O I mean WTHeck?!?!? I totally expected to lose weight drank so much water & ate well and by the end of day two I was so frustrated w/ my weight gain I went to the movies last night w/ my BFF to Cinnebar & got a french dip & fries. Started this morning off w/ a Starbucks breakfast sandwich & lunch w/ French Fries from McDonalds, picked up ice cream on the way home & will be going out for mexican tonight.
Well in the midst of the massive weight gain in less than 48hrs, prior to going to the movies last night. I decided it is the time to sign up for a mud run. I've been wanting to do a mud run forever and haven't been in any shape to do so. For some reason I decided to throw caution & logic to the wind. I talked to my BFF & she is in & I told DH & he said he is in. So I signed DH & I up & my BFF signed her DH & Her up and we are registered for the Warrior Run in only 7 weeks. It is a 5K mud run w/ 17 obstacles. I reserved my Mom to watch the boys for the night booked our hotel room. Everything is set w/ one exception and that is the fact that I am to out of shape to pull this off. I have so much training to do. I have a training plan with this circuit training from tough mudder which is a MUCH more difficult mud run than the Warrior Dash. So I am planning on doing that twice a week then my elliptical 3 times a week.
So do I stop the 24 day challenge again?? Each time I've attempted it I haven't made it through even the 10 day cleanse and I haven't been successful. Now does that anything to do w/ the products but I am at a loss. I was looking back at the last 3 years of blog posts. My high weight has just steadily climbed over the last 3 years and I have post after post of stress and starting over to try to lose and not succeeding. I have spent so of my life wishing I was thinner, trying to diet, wishing & hoping but NEVER DOING!
This is something that effects so many areas of my life & other people in my life why is it so difficult to give up?? I can literally say 100's of times I've made the decision to change my life, be healthy & lose weight. And each time I have faltered. What my mind goes through is an truly exhausting process and yet I continue you to do it. My DH is so supportive and wants me to get healthy and will eat whatever I need to eat etc but then I make a decision like we are going out for Mexican tonight and he doesn't argue w/ that either cause he knows I wouldn't take it well. That is the hard part about your husband being your accountability partner.
I was truly in shape once outside of High School and that was back in 2001-2002 when my Dad was making me work out 5 days a week. DH at one point said ouch when I punched him in the arm because he could notice the difference. I freaking LOVED that! The next time I lost weight after I had Noah in 2006. It was all diet no exercise and so yes I was happy cause I was thinner but I have a real desire to be fit, not just skinny. I want to be able to take the Warrior Dash on like a Champ. I don't want to come back here & blog that I made it but I felt like I was going to die. I the people I am doing it with to be impressed w/ my abilities. Frankly I want to kick some ass. I want my husband to not only tell me he is proud of me but be like man babe you did great!
So how do I do this. I need to count my calories in calories out & exercise my butt off. Now the bigger questions how do I really do this??? How do I stop quitting? How do I push past the I want to eat it & screw the diet or well it is just easier tonight to eat out but I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow? I've always said it comes down to the decision to do so yet how do you keep going after the decision is made? That is something I can't seem to figure out. I do feel like some real accountability would help. But the truth hurts. Real accountability that doesn't say well tomorrow is another day, it's ok. I need someone who will say: Really? You'd rather keep on making your bad decisions and be miserable & unhappy? Put to fork down!!! Not sure where to get that from. I can't afford to pay to have Jillian Michaels to come & follow me around. And no one else sticks w/ it when I ask them to....... So where do I turn to? What else can I do? I pray about it, I have goals listed everywhere, prizes for my smaller goals, buy the right foods, a supportive family & husband, everything I need for my work outs and yet I sit here at almost my all time weight high. Do I do something drastic like prepackaged food & a health coach? I really don't want to do that when I know how many calories to eat. How do I fix my head?? How do I become worth the effort it takes? When I figure it out I may become a millionaire if I sell the secret.
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