Tonight has not been a good night. It has been full of stress for me. DS2 had a very late nap making bed time terrible. I have been stressing all day cause tomorrow is the day tomorrow is when I need to start my training for the Warrior Dash. Tomorrow morning I need to get up at 6AM and get up to do my circuit training & I sit here & try to talk my self out of it. I am thinking no you should start w/ your elliptical for the first week. Just focus on cardio. But I want muscle!!! When ever I train my trainers always comment on my perfect form & how I have great muscle memory. So Do I do my cardio & weights? I don't have weights here yet so I would have to do the elliptical tomorrow morning & then go to my parents house for some weights but there where do I put them. I know my body loves the combination of cardio & weight lifting. But the circuit training is allot of body weight training. So exercises that just utilize your body weight. When I had a trainer I did a combo of body weight exercises & real weight & I think that is a good place to continue. As long as I am being consistent that is all that matters & I will need to be abel to increase my weight.
Yesterday I got an award in the mail from my MK Director for being #7 in unit sales! That is a big deal because we are the #1 unit in WA & her personal unit is around 150 people. I was very excited, shocked & proud. Last year I was #10 & that included my first inventory order so I expected to not even get into the top ten. I asked my DH what if I actually tried. Honestly this year I haven't done much in the last 7 months of the Seminar year. What if I had kept working? Would I have been #1? Would I have been a director & #1 in my very own unit? So then the soul sucking truth & that is I don't give 100% to ANYTHING that is for me. I give 100% of myself to my family, my DH, my kids, my friends. But if it is something that is for me, something I want to pursue, I don't give that 100%. Growing up I was told a few things over & over again. One was to make sure I was careful & that I was fragile & not to take to much on. Then the other end of the spectrum I was always told you know you can do anything you put your mind to.
School for example. I did not like school I liked to socialize. So my Senior year I failed 6 out of 7 required classes to graduate my first semester. I had to redo my entire first semester while keeping passing grades on my second semester. My principal had a meeting w/ my Mom & told her I should drop out & get my GED. However my at the time BF(now my DH) told me he would not marry me if I didn't graduate. So I worked my tail off & knew 3 days before graduation that I was going to get to graduate that year. But I did it. I have never been a A student. Always around a C. I was excited to see a B on something. My group of close friends all graduated w/ honors & school was very easy for them & I only ever did the same amount of work as they did at school. So because it was easier for them they got A's & I got my C's. Except for once. We got an assignment in History to pick anyone in History & wright a report. Well that was freedom of choice & I chose Walt Disney. I loved this project I researched & wrote well. To my shock I got the highest grade in the class! O_O I mean higher than my friends w/ 4.0's. One of them was a little annoyed & asked me well how did you manage that? I told her I wasn't sure. My History teacher even asked if he could keep a copy. My poor parents sat thru countless parent teacher conferences where teachers would tell them if she would only apply herself do you know what she is capable of? She is so smart & could achieve so much. But I was never interested.
I know what will happen if I give 100%, I would succeed far better & faster than I ever expected.
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