I hate starting on a Monday....

So I think it is time to cut pop & chocolate from my life again. They are connected to a spiral in my eating that is just ridiculous. I haven't recovered since Christmas baking.  I've been eating fast food again almost daily and the amount of diet pepsi I am going through is stupid.  I eat so much more food in general when I am drinking diet pop and when I drink it I also always want sweets with it.  For me diet pop and chocolate go hand in hand, can't have one with out the other. So even though I think it is totally find to indulge in chocolate every now and then, to stop the diet pop habit I need to cut both. I've done this successfully in the past. The longest time was 6 months but I did still drink regular pop instead during those 6 months. This is the same 6 months I was training with a person l trainer and not seeing any results. At the time I had convinced my self it wasn't my fault and that because my diet was the same & my activity improved I should be losing weight. In all honesty my diet probably did get a little worse because of the whole: I can eat that I worked out today, attitude. And you throw in 2 regular pops a day that is 400 extra calories and that is probably all I was burning working out.  I feel like I should start tomorrow but I have a really lame excuse to wait until Monday.  Sunday is the Super Bowl and our boys (the Seahawks) are back for the 2nd year in a row!!!!
If I wait until after Superbowl Sunday I am starting on a Monday. :-/  I don't know why I can't stand starting things on Mondays.  Maybe because Monday already leaves a bad taste in your mouth why add fuel to the fire. The part of me that knows better and that this is just another excuse and I should start tomorrow but I might just be stubborn and not do it because I want to have the junk food.

Today I was telling hubby how when I am nervous about something I avoid it at all cost. Tomorrow we run a 10K for our training and I didn't run this week.  My BFF has the opposite reaction and the what is probably the normal reaction, she prepares.  She has yet to miss a day of training and I am so proud of her for this.  I know the training helps me so much but because I am so nervous about this whole process and my lack of eating healthy I am avoiding it like crazy.  It is not the smart thing to do and I have no one to blame but myself.  I am not saying that in the "poor me, it's all my fault" way I am saying yep I screwed up and I know it way.  I am past the point of making excuses as to why things haven't worked in the past & why I haven't been able to lose weight. It is only because I haven't followed through, pure and simple.  Yeah I've been sick and that took me out of commission for over a week but you know what Oh well, stuff happens. I am finding it very frustrating but not as depressing as it was to me just a few months ago. I need to get my crap together!! Tomorrow will probably suck but I'll get through it and then I need to put it into gear.  I need to get on my treadmill and maybe even repeat some of my C25K training to get myself going again. I feel like I can't run for longer than a couple mins with out a walk break. Walk run has always been my goal but my goal was to run for 10 or 15 mins then walk for 2 or 3 mins or run for a mile then walk for a quarter mile.  But training is key and I know this! I need to stop running away from my training and just start running.

At my Doctor apt today...

Today was my follow up apt to all my issues and I am back to work tomorrow. Our bank account will be very happy about that.  My blood pressure is the lowest it has been in years, thanks to my new meds, and I am still pain free from my ulcer.  But  as I was sitting waiting for my Dr to come in and started thinking maybe I should ask for help losing weight. A little background for you: my Dr is the same Dr that will easily prescribe ephedra to people who need help losing.  My brother, SIL & My Mom all had her prescribe it for them. They told me all they did was tell the Dr that they can't put the fork down.  I starting thinking about pros and cons on that type of product, basically legal speed, Con it would be bad for my anxiety then I stopped myself.   I don't need a drug to lose weight I just need to be deciplined.  I want something to make me stop eating, take the desire away and yes that medication would do that but do I really want to have to rely on something like that? Making a decision like that is basically telling myself that I don't believe I can do this.  When I know I am capable of not just this but so much more.  

I am not portraying the person I would ever want my kids to grow up to be and that scares me. Even just typing it puts a lump in my throat. I want my children to believe they can do anything that there are no limits on what they can accomplish.  That anything is possible if they just apply themselves.  I can tell them this 24/7/365 but actions speak louder than words.  If I sit and say I can't lose weight, I can't run today when both of these things are important to me why would my boys not eventually think the same way about the things that are important to them?   I grew up in a house where I was told I could do anything but my Mom always struggled with her weight and my Dad at his job. As I got older and ran into failed attempts of things, to support me and make me feel better they would say: thats ok maybe you're just not meant for that, That might just be to hard but at least you tried, you don't want to push your self to far, you are doing so great you don't need that as well. All very encouraging words that always did make me feel better but now it has shaped my thought process. I wrote a poem type thing a bit about this and posted it a while back if you want to read that you can click HERE.  So brining my focus back to where it needs to be. Focus on my takes and celebrate my wins no matter how small I may feel they are it is all the small wins that will get me there. I need that 30 mins on the treadmill to keep my training going so when it comes time for the Half I will not be worried about it and I'll be able to enjoy it.

We leave for our Half Marathon in 99 days. We are in double digits now.  that means my 35th birthday is just around the corner, 4 and 1/2 weeks away. Time is slipping through my fingers and it is time to grab it tight and make good use out of every minute of it.

Somethings running books haven't told you..

I have been contemplating for two weeks wether to write up this post or not. It is a major overshare & TMI. But because I have read several books about running, training and how to start running and none of them talked about this I decided to share. The books I've read were great and covered: how to pick out the right shoes, the right sports bra, running on your period.  However only one book has ever brought up chafing.  The chafing she talked about is bra strap chafing. Bra strap chafing is NOT my problem.  Last chance to stop reading........... I have learned that I suffer from major butt chafing.

And what I don't get is I don't have a butt. Mine is flat as flat can be.    It's not like I have allot back there to be causing friction.

When this happened for the first time it was at the Biggest Loser 5K, I thought well that wasn't fun but attributed it to the time of the month it was.  Then our 10K it happened again and on our 4 mile run again.  And we are talking horrible chafing to the point of bleeding.  I googled running chafing and found an article on active.com called ""Girl Talk: Embarrassing Running Problems"" There it was and even worse problems than I have had! Women have blistered there lady parts with the friction of running. O_O  I am glad I haven't suffered that but it was nice to see that I am not alone and there are ways to prevent these issues.  So now I need to pick one and try it. From what I've found via google runners also call this diaper rash and because of the location of the friction have issues with the normal anti-chaife sticks working. With the research I did I've decided I am going to try Gold Bond's Chafing defense stick.  Apparently it prevents and treats at the same time and I like the idea that it is taking care of both things and the other stuff I guess is greasy and hard to get clean and this stuff isn't greasy. We have 10K we need to get in this weekend and we've decided to go run it on a track so I'll know how it works this weekend.

Another topic hardly ever discussed in running books is underwear.  Because I am an apple shaped person everything is always lose around my butt and hips because my tummy is the largest part of my body.  I quickly discovered that on a run if it weren't for the crotch of my pants I would be running w/ my underwear around my ankles.  It only takes a few seconds for them to fall completely off my butt and it is very awkward to try to fix this problem during an event. This happened during my first 5K and my BFF had to stand behind me while I stuck my hand down my pants to pull up my underwear. Recently I tried the Under Armour's performance moisture wicking underwear. I think they would work great if they fit!! They come in one size fits all and that is a lie from the pit of Hell. However as ill-fitted as they were they did stay up and seemed to help with the other issue but to uncomfortable to wear every run.  When I loose some of my tummy I will probably wear them for running but for now the only way to fix my underwear problem is to not wear any while running.  I thought of this when I was out for a bike ride w/ hubby last year cause when you put on bib shorts you don't wear underwear. I thought well why couldn't I not wear underwear for running too?  As a kid , I remember thinking panty hose were so gross and couldn't believe that people would wear them out in public in place of underwear and now here I am saying yeah my spandex will double for underwear and running gear. I guess you live and learn. :-)

I enjoy running..........when I'm done!

I got my 3 mile training run in today and man it wasn't pretty at all! Loki has been very energetic so I thought hey I am going to try to take him with me for my 3 miles and see how he does. We headed out and Loki is still very unsure of going very far from home. He has walked to the DS1 school and back twice but never anywhere else so when I turned a different corner he didn't like it.  We got to a point where he would go no further. We turned around to head home and he wanted to sprint home. We took off running! He is very fast but then he realizes he can't run anymore and lays down, LOL! Then as much as this little puppy wants to run I made him slow down so he could make it home with out stopping again.  We get home and only .69 of a mile done.  I thought for sure we had gone further than that but my garmin told me otherwise.

I decided to finish my miles on the treadmill and I sucked today. I was about to get a mile in on the treadmill keeping a pretty good time and then I started to hurt. My left shin splint and my hips. What the crap? So I slowed it way down. I tried to do some running intervals but each one was met with pain.  I wondered if I had pushed to hard when I first got on the treadmill?  Or Maybe it has to do w/ my new blood pressure meds and the fact that they are a diuretic and I am dehydrated???  Regardless of why, it was a day where I couldn't run so I walked.  I got my miles in but I felt like I am back to square one and it is C25K all over again.  I am out of practice and my muscles are just not there. About a half hour to an hour after any run I start feeling motivated like I can do this whole running thing.  Like I said I enjoy running, when I am done!

My new running partner...

I hinted a couple post ago that I would be introducing you to my new running partner. I am still going to run with BFF but I have a new partner in training, introducing Loki!!

He is just over 9 weeks old now. I did tons of research on dogs to try to find the perfect running buddy. I grew up in a house with only English Bulldogs and the first and only dog I've owned before Loki was also an English Bulldog.  Exercise for an english bulldog is walk half way around the block. I love my sweet bulldog and would own another one in a heart beat however I really wanted a dog that could jog with me.  So I researched and researched and decided on a labrador retriever. We are pretty proud geeks in this house and so we decided we liked the name Thor for the dog. The small problem was that if we didn't get a yellow lab Thor wouldn't fit (you know Thor is blonde) Thor's brother Loki has black hair and that would work. And when the doggie is being really bad we can always quote Thor from The Avengers "He's Adopted".  Ok geek moment over. :-)  Labs have the ability to keep a slow and steady pace with you and that is what I need. I don't need a dog that can sprint or run super fast I just need one w/ stamina that can keep trucking along.  He has allot of training to go through before he will start going on runs with me but I am working on getting him used to his leash.  As you can see in the pic below, the first day he wasn't very fond of it. LOL!

The top pic was today and the 2nd time we tried out his leash and he is already doing WAY better. I will be putting him in puppy classes very soon.  So as he grows you will see more and more pics of him and I eventually want to participate in a 5K for owners & dogs like the Furry5K. 

4 small blog posts in 1....

Yesterday my training schedule said 5.5 miles on it and I've been out of commission for almost 2 weeks. My official diagnosis is a peptic ulcer and critically high blood pressure.  On medications for both of them since Friday but I thought I should at least try and get some mileage in.  I took my blood pressure to make sure it was ok and got on the treadmill. I thought ok just do what you can. After several interruptions by my children realizing I was feeling the lack of ability to do this. Walking felt to slow, jogging made me worry about my blood pressure and as that stress was kicking in so did the tightening of my throat.  I got 30 mins in on the treadmill wasn't even 2 miles but I had to get moving again. It was at a very slow pace. I am still not feeling normal. I don't know if I am still adjusting to my new meds or if it is in my head. I am frustrated to the point of tears almost everyday that something has come up again to keep me down.  I wanted to try to catch up on my training but I am not sure how that will be possible. I would need to do my 5.5 miles like on Wed and then my 3 miles on Sat or Sun so I can be back on track for my milage. However I am not sure my body is going to be up for that yet.  The medication I am taking for my blood pressure is a diuretic so I kind of have am also going to have to learn how to hydrate while on it.  I will be placing an Advocare order this week for some vitamins, rehydrate and I think we are going to try the post-workout recovery shakes too.

During my down time I did manage to read a new book called "Finished being fat"by Betsy Scnow. It is like this woman is in my head.  With in the first few pages of this book I was laughing.  I saw this line and had to highlight it and run and tell my hubby about it.  "This was the simple truth that I has missed at the time.  I was addicted to starting, but once the initial high faded and things got hard or boring, I would quite and start something else to get my next fix."  I love starting, planning & preparing for things but I am not the best finisher. It hit me upside of the head.  It is so where I am am mentally and have been there for years.  The book goes through her deciding to be a finisher and not just a starter and her and her hubby train for a marathon.  I really enjoyed this book and it gave me a new ah-ha moment.

Today I was thinking about how BFF & I are on the same journey but two totally different paths.  My path is to finish the half marathon & hers is to do it fast.  Today she texted me about how we need to each take our own journey and we will start together at be there for each other at the finish. I had told hubby a few weeks ago that I was expecting to have to run my half marathon alone just because of how BFF gets with her want to be done feeling.  Now I think we are on the same brainwave.  We are going to be supporting, accountability partners who train together but we have the understanding that we will probably not be matching each others pace.  And you never know, we could be at the half and do just fine and stick together but at least we have the understanding that if we don't stick together that is fine too. I really want to shoot for a 3 hr half because I know that gives me that extra half hour for pics and bathroom breaks if need be. We need to run our own race and be proud of our accomplishments with out wishing we had been faster. I want to have fun and enjoy my half when the time comes for it. there are tons of photo opportunities with Disney Characters and I'll be running in the parks while they are still closed. I want to soak it all in.

My 35th birthday is only 6 weeks away. My once dreams of losing a ton of weight by then are gone and I need to let them go and press forward.  I wanted to start my 35th year in a place that I've been trying to be fore the last 6 years. When I turned 29 I was certain that I was going to own 30 and reach my goals and now it is almost 6 years later and when you look at numbers I am not any closer than I was 6 years ago.  I am not good at letting go of my past failures.  I beat myself up allot for everything I could have accomplished and didn't.  But I have a hard time keeping on track for my goals. Like I said I realized I am addicted to starting things but I am not a good finisher.  I need to become a finisher. The biggest goal I've ever finished was probably my 10K and when I lost 30 lbs back in 2006. But even the 30 lbs wasn't a "goal" it was more of an accomplishment. My 10K was a goal and I completed it. The feeling of pride that no one can take from me is very foreign to me. I don't have many things that I can say that about and I think that it is time for that to change.

Ulcer, Infection & blood pressure, oh my.....

Well another Dr apt in the books today. I have been pain free for almost 2 days and since the coincides with the days they put me on the prescription antacids they are thinking it is an ulcer that was the cause of my pain, They still have a lab they are waiting on to see if I have a bacterial infection in my intestines.  And it was time to address my blood pressure.  It was still high all last night and this morning at the Dr apt. Today I started a new med tool lower my blood pressure.  I asked them what could this be connected to since it started out of no where?  They said that in the medical industry they don't really can what caused it they just want to make it go down.  I asked if the lab comes back and says I have an infection could that have started it? He said not likely. He said they have always seen slightly elevated blood pressure from me but since July all my apps have reported high blood pressure.  I was kind of surprised but he showed me and sure enough, my top number has been in the 130's and the bottom in the upper 90's.  120/90 is the highest you want to have 120/80 is better.  I asked about training and he said once I make sure the meds work, I can continue my training.

He said the key to training with high blood pressure is not pushing it.  So if I can't talk during my jog I am going to fast.  :-/  Which means I am just going to be so slow.  I can't jog very fast before I can do to keep going it concentrate on breathing and talking is out of the question.  Where do I go from here?  Right now pushing myself is a 14 min mile and that is not able to talk while I do it.  BFF is working on her 11 min miles and feels slow. *sigh*