At my Doctor apt today...

Today was my follow up apt to all my issues and I am back to work tomorrow. Our bank account will be very happy about that.  My blood pressure is the lowest it has been in years, thanks to my new meds, and I am still pain free from my ulcer.  But  as I was sitting waiting for my Dr to come in and started thinking maybe I should ask for help losing weight. A little background for you: my Dr is the same Dr that will easily prescribe ephedra to people who need help losing.  My brother, SIL & My Mom all had her prescribe it for them. They told me all they did was tell the Dr that they can't put the fork down.  I starting thinking about pros and cons on that type of product, basically legal speed, Con it would be bad for my anxiety then I stopped myself.   I don't need a drug to lose weight I just need to be deciplined.  I want something to make me stop eating, take the desire away and yes that medication would do that but do I really want to have to rely on something like that? Making a decision like that is basically telling myself that I don't believe I can do this.  When I know I am capable of not just this but so much more.  

I am not portraying the person I would ever want my kids to grow up to be and that scares me. Even just typing it puts a lump in my throat. I want my children to believe they can do anything that there are no limits on what they can accomplish.  That anything is possible if they just apply themselves.  I can tell them this 24/7/365 but actions speak louder than words.  If I sit and say I can't lose weight, I can't run today when both of these things are important to me why would my boys not eventually think the same way about the things that are important to them?   I grew up in a house where I was told I could do anything but my Mom always struggled with her weight and my Dad at his job. As I got older and ran into failed attempts of things, to support me and make me feel better they would say: thats ok maybe you're just not meant for that, That might just be to hard but at least you tried, you don't want to push your self to far, you are doing so great you don't need that as well. All very encouraging words that always did make me feel better but now it has shaped my thought process. I wrote a poem type thing a bit about this and posted it a while back if you want to read that you can click HERE.  So brining my focus back to where it needs to be. Focus on my takes and celebrate my wins no matter how small I may feel they are it is all the small wins that will get me there. I need that 30 mins on the treadmill to keep my training going so when it comes time for the Half I will not be worried about it and I'll be able to enjoy it.

We leave for our Half Marathon in 99 days. We are in double digits now.  that means my 35th birthday is just around the corner, 4 and 1/2 weeks away. Time is slipping through my fingers and it is time to grab it tight and make good use out of every minute of it.