Yesterday my training schedule said 5.5 miles on it and I've been out of commission for almost 2 weeks. My official diagnosis is a peptic ulcer and critically high blood pressure. On medications for both of them since Friday but I thought I should at least try and get some mileage in. I took my blood pressure to make sure it was ok and got on the treadmill. I thought ok just do what you can. After several interruptions by my children realizing I was feeling the lack of ability to do this. Walking felt to slow, jogging made me worry about my blood pressure and as that stress was kicking in so did the tightening of my throat. I got 30 mins in on the treadmill wasn't even 2 miles but I had to get moving again. It was at a very slow pace. I am still not feeling normal. I don't know if I am still adjusting to my new meds or if it is in my head. I am frustrated to the point of tears almost everyday that something has come up again to keep me down. I wanted to try to catch up on my training but I am not sure how that will be possible. I would need to do my 5.5 miles like on Wed and then my 3 miles on Sat or Sun so I can be back on track for my milage. However I am not sure my body is going to be up for that yet. The medication I am taking for my blood pressure is a diuretic so I kind of have am also going to have to learn how to hydrate while on it. I will be placing an Advocare order this week for some vitamins, rehydrate and I think we are going to try the post-workout recovery shakes too.
During my down time I did manage to read a new book called "Finished being fat"by Betsy Scnow. It is like this woman is in my head. With in the first few pages of this book I was laughing. I saw this line and had to highlight it and run and tell my hubby about it. "This was the simple truth that I has missed at the time. I was addicted to starting, but once the initial high faded and things got hard or boring, I would quite and start something else to get my next fix." I love starting, planning & preparing for things but I am not the best finisher. It hit me upside of the head. It is so where I am am mentally and have been there for years. The book goes through her deciding to be a finisher and not just a starter and her and her hubby train for a marathon. I really enjoyed this book and it gave me a new ah-ha moment.
Today I was thinking about how BFF & I are on the same journey but two totally different paths. My path is to finish the half marathon & hers is to do it fast. Today she texted me about how we need to each take our own journey and we will start together at be there for each other at the finish. I had told hubby a few weeks ago that I was expecting to have to run my half marathon alone just because of how BFF gets with her want to be done feeling. Now I think we are on the same brainwave. We are going to be supporting, accountability partners who train together but we have the understanding that we will probably not be matching each others pace. And you never know, we could be at the half and do just fine and stick together but at least we have the understanding that if we don't stick together that is fine too. I really want to shoot for a 3 hr half because I know that gives me that extra half hour for pics and bathroom breaks if need be. We need to run our own race and be proud of our accomplishments with out wishing we had been faster. I want to have fun and enjoy my half when the time comes for it. there are tons of photo opportunities with Disney Characters and I'll be running in the parks while they are still closed. I want to soak it all in.
My 35th birthday is only 6 weeks away. My once dreams of losing a ton of weight by then are gone and I need to let them go and press forward. I wanted to start my 35th year in a place that I've been trying to be fore the last 6 years. When I turned 29 I was certain that I was going to own 30 and reach my goals and now it is almost 6 years later and when you look at numbers I am not any closer than I was 6 years ago. I am not good at letting go of my past failures. I beat myself up allot for everything I could have accomplished and didn't. But I have a hard time keeping on track for my goals. Like I said I realized I am addicted to starting things but I am not a good finisher. I need to become a finisher. The biggest goal I've ever finished was probably my 10K and when I lost 30 lbs back in 2006. But even the 30 lbs wasn't a "goal" it was more of an accomplishment. My 10K was a goal and I completed it. The feeling of pride that no one can take from me is very foreign to me. I don't have many things that I can say that about and I think that it is time for that to change.
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