Something always comes up....

So today was day one back on WW back on my depression meds. It was going great feeling really good at great for breakfast, ok for lunch. Then it happened. I felt a wave come over me and I have officially caught the boys cold. DS2 had me up until a little after 2AM this morning cause he was so miserable. And man does is thing suck! Thanksgiving is only 3 days away and it's at my house. We all have to beat this. So you know the old saying starve a fever, feed a cold? Well I ate and ate and ate. Basically 1/2 my weekly points gone on day one and the plan was to save 90% of them for thanksgiving.  DS2 just called for me again. Here we are almost 1 AM and the sick Mommy is needed.  If DH didn't have to get up so much earlier than me for work I old be asking for his help. His alarm goes off 3 hrs before mine does.

So tomorrows plan is to fight the battle agin & everytime I want to eat something not on my diet I am going to pray for strength. Cause "I can do all things through Christ!"

I have no neck

We went for a short trip to Disneyland for Holloween. My Dad has this amazing HD video camera " I love the quality of videos it takes HOWEVER. It made me Rezlize that I have no neck only a double chin. My mom & I rejoined WW almost two weeks ago at a weigh in of 178.9. Idid it for two days & then stopped and then this morning I decided to finally weigh my self again & it says I've lost 8lbs. O_O now keep in mind I have not been dieting & all my clothes are not fitting just purchased XXL pjs. So I had my DH weigh him self & it was right where I has always been for him.so I take myself in to WW for a weigh in cause I know something is wrong w/ my scale, at least when I step on it.  Granted all logic was telling me no you didn't lose but there was that glimmer of hope since DH weight seemed right. So I get there and I gained a pound. So new weigh in is at 179.9. Keep in mind this is with jeans on but that is what the 178.9 reflected as well so I wanted to be consistent.  *sigh*

So  I feel at such a loss. Watching these wonderful memories of our trip & I can count the rolls on my back & lost my neck.  I have 13 weeks before our trip back to Disneyland in Feb. I really want to see some improvement and that would mean if I did that Ivan be ready for our Anniversary Trip in Aug.  I know I am addicted to food but can't quit it. I think of how God frees people from addictions to drugs & alcohol why not my food? I then tell my self that's not the same but it IS an addiction that effects my health, my lifestyle and my family. So why not pray for deliverance?  So that is the new plan. I will pray for deliverance from my food addiction that I will start eating to live & stop eating to live.  Planning on tacking via WW and not worrying about working out yet but ,y DH did get me a road bike so I can go do some cardio in our bike trainer in the garge.  This is Thanksgiving week w/ Black Friday shopping so I normally doing eat to great this week. Plus the boys are sick, we had to get DS1 an at home nebulizer for the first time ever.  And I am PMSing so I am very stressed which also normally a trigger for food. But this is something that's need to have to let God fix because I know I am unable to.

When will I say YES?

So,  I had decided that one of my reasons for lack of success was lack of accountability & support. So I started a Facebook group w/ friends & family that wanted to lose weight. Well this is week 3 I am down 5 lbs all together but only 3 in the 3 weeks. I am not dieting at all so weight comes & goes I think I am just bouncing around some water weight.  So I guess the accountability is not the reason I am not losing.  I am always searching for the thing that is going to make it work & make it stick.  Do I hate being overweight? Yes!  Do I hate being unhealthy & out of shape?  Yes!  Will I stick to a diet plan??? So far no.  When ever I get stressed or I sware even lazy I eat some junk.  We are going to Disneyland in 24 days & I wanted to be at least down 10 lbs before then & now I am out of time for that.

DH was sent away on a biz trip last week, very last minute they called Friday & he left Saturday for Europe.  I wasn't happy but hopeful that I would lose weight while he was gone because last year when he was gone for the first time I lost 5 lbs while he was gone. But nope only 1.8.  He however lost 2 lbs while gone eating French food & is back down to 198.

What is it going to take?? My BIL is doing a prepackaged food plan from Medifast.  I am so admit about not eating prepackaged food. And then I get so mad because I KNOW how to eat, what to eat, how to work out & yet I stay over weight & unhealthy.  I have no energy to play w/ my kids at all & my 10 year anniversary w/ DH is now only 10 months away.  I want to lose 50 lbs that is 5 lbs a month.  Technically I should be able to lose it in about 6 months but my point is I am running out of time & I am stuck.  And not just in my weight but also in my MK career.  I have stopped dead in my tracks & worry about being to busy & overwhelmed.  The same goes w/ my diet I am so afraid to fail that when I start out I don't plan on making it & so of course come 2 days in I screw up & say well I knew I would.  What I noticed this week is I am wanting to be anorexic, Well like I was in High School. I ate very little but I did eat mainly candy, LOL!! But that was when I got down to my lowest weight ever! Granted I was 17 & I don't expect to ever see 111 lbs again but I do want 125-130.  I know skipping meals works but won't work for the long run & I blame that when I did that in High School screwed up my metabolism forever.

So with such crazy thoughts going thru my head, I start wondering do I need to go on something w/ prepackaged food?   Am I that far gone that I need that?

Hello again Hello......

Here I am at a new all time weight high, 178.2!!!  Can you believe it??? I am to the point where my wedding ring isn't fitting anymore. I have to take it off at night cause I swell up & it hurts. All my clothes are to tight I had to go buy some size 18 jeans.   I can't seem to stop stuffing food in my face.  I am not sure what to do.  I am lacking motivation of any kind.  My sweet doggie Petunia will only be with me for another week or so. We are having to put her down & I just don't know how to handle it.  I had to put my training sessions on hold again due to DS1 swimming lessons.  And DH is probably going to be doing the triathlon in Sept. So he will need to pick up his training for that.  I am still in a place where I find it selfish to do stuff for me. Just thought I would give an update. My Mom & I were going to work on our weight loss together & that lasted all of a week I lost my 5 lbs & now I am up a little over 6 lbs.  So lost.......

Started TODAY!!!

Well I started my LA Weight Loss plan again today.  The plan calls for Juice, (48 hr Hollywood Diet) Protein, Green Vegies & 2 La Lite bars.  So I don't have the bars but I did sneak a few spoonfuls of some sweeten strawberries.

Weight in: 175.4 (an new all time high)

Stuck to the plan but the scale doesn't look to positive tonight.  I decided today was the day for so many things not only my diet & fitness but I need to run forward w/ my MK biz.  So what happened today?  It was one of those days that makes me wish I drank!!!  I had horrible training at work & they are making some BIG changes that are going to make the customers I talk to daily miserable & there is nothing we can offer them so our training had a good portion of how we need to just stand our ground yet be empathetic.  Then I went to the mall w/ my little guys while DH was on a ride & my 6 year old has a fit.  A FIT!!! In the middle of the mall he is flailing about & crying. In the midst of his flailing he pulls my shirt down & exposes my whole boob!! I was wearing a bra of course but still!! So we throw all this on top of day one of dieting. LOL!! I was totally ready to throw in the towel for some carbs & sweets. HOWEVER I didn't. This is going to work!  "I can do ALL things through Christ"

Well the decision has been made....

So I talked it over w/ DH & he thinks I do need to do something like LA Weight loss again. Something a little more restrictive for me so I don't try to justify what I am eating.  SO tomorrow I am cutting chocolate(again) & ALL pop out. Plus I am starting the LA Weight Loss plan again.  I found my books & got some updated info. My Mom is going to do it w/ me & she is also going to join my gym & go w/ me one Saturday mornings and maybe Wed afternoons too.  Taking measurements & hoping that having a buddy & this plan will work it's magic once again.

How are we going to fix me??

OK, so today was another beautifully frustrating day.  DH was at a car show so just the boys & I again today.  So much craziness & things going wrong.  Started the morning off w/ DS2 peeing all over our big chair. Had to take the cover off to wash it & then as I was changing him he peed on our ottoman.  Then DS1 dropped his 3DS in the dog's water bowl & then it not working.  DS2 decided to throw fits & cry 90% of this morning. So while I am trying to take apart the 3DS to get the water out he is screaming trying to crawl up my legs asking me to pick him up. We had to go to the grocery store, out of milk, so off we went. To try to pick up the boys moods we went thru a drive thru for milk shakes. I always get them one & an extra cup to give DS2 some. well as I was dividing it out I dump milk shake all into my lap. My Mom was with me & kept telling me I was missing some of the milk shake. Looking down I could see nothing and my poor Mom had to be the one to tell me it was under my fat belly roll.  So Now on our way to the store my jeans & bottom of my shirt stiff & wet from Vanilla Milk shake. We get to the only for me to find out I left my debit card at home. And all this before noon!!!  After events like that I just want to scream from the roof tops. I was able to have some down time tonight & watch a movie w/ DH. So I was thinking about how on earth am I going to make this work. I need to diet because that is no time away from the family. Wondering if I should put the whole gym them on hold all together until I get eating under control.  SO I need some structure & accountability. Even though Weight Watchers works great I abuse the point system by what I choose to eat. I am not sure if that is because I feel like I have to many options or because of the rebellious side of me that is convinced that it isn't fair that I have to suffer this way.  I was thinking about joining LA Weight Loss at home so that I can keep my options limited.  Not sure what I am going to do but I feel like counting calories & WW just has to many options. :-/