When will I say YES?

So,  I had decided that one of my reasons for lack of success was lack of accountability & support. So I started a Facebook group w/ friends & family that wanted to lose weight. Well this is week 3 I am down 5 lbs all together but only 3 in the 3 weeks. I am not dieting at all so weight comes & goes I think I am just bouncing around some water weight.  So I guess the accountability is not the reason I am not losing.  I am always searching for the thing that is going to make it work & make it stick.  Do I hate being overweight? Yes!  Do I hate being unhealthy & out of shape?  Yes!  Will I stick to a diet plan??? So far no.  When ever I get stressed or I sware even lazy I eat some junk.  We are going to Disneyland in 24 days & I wanted to be at least down 10 lbs before then & now I am out of time for that.

DH was sent away on a biz trip last week, very last minute they called Friday & he left Saturday for Europe.  I wasn't happy but hopeful that I would lose weight while he was gone because last year when he was gone for the first time I lost 5 lbs while he was gone. But nope only 1.8.  He however lost 2 lbs while gone eating French food & is back down to 198.

What is it going to take?? My BIL is doing a prepackaged food plan from Medifast.  I am so admit about not eating prepackaged food. And then I get so mad because I KNOW how to eat, what to eat, how to work out & yet I stay over weight & unhealthy.  I have no energy to play w/ my kids at all & my 10 year anniversary w/ DH is now only 10 months away.  I want to lose 50 lbs that is 5 lbs a month.  Technically I should be able to lose it in about 6 months but my point is I am running out of time & I am stuck.  And not just in my weight but also in my MK career.  I have stopped dead in my tracks & worry about being to busy & overwhelmed.  The same goes w/ my diet I am so afraid to fail that when I start out I don't plan on making it & so of course come 2 days in I screw up & say well I knew I would.  What I noticed this week is I am wanting to be anorexic, Well like I was in High School. I ate very little but I did eat mainly candy, LOL!! But that was when I got down to my lowest weight ever! Granted I was 17 & I don't expect to ever see 111 lbs again but I do want 125-130.  I know skipping meals works but won't work for the long run & I blame that when I did that in High School screwed up my metabolism forever.

So with such crazy thoughts going thru my head, I start wondering do I need to go on something w/ prepackaged food?   Am I that far gone that I need that?