The need for weight loss

My anxiety has been really high lately. My kids getting sick, missing work when I don't really have time to be missing. Between sick kids, my job, training/lack of training, I just feel like I am not doing well in any area. Last night I asked hubby about my anxiety and he said it has been a bit ridiculous lately. I am still on my depression meds and normally I can control my anxiety, for the most part, if my depression is under control. I told hubby I really don't want to add another medication to my list of meds I already take. He thinks if I ate better, worked out  more and got more sleep it would fix a multitude of my problems. I told him of course it would. The best treatment for both depression and anxiety is exercise. I've know this for years. I know I feel a little more sane when I am working out consistently. My blood pressure is high because of my weight, I have ulcer/acid reflux issues because of my weight and my anxiety causes me to stress eat adding more to my weight. Losing weight isn't just about appearance anymore. It will be a nice side effect of doing these things but the want to lose has become a need to lose. I need to lose weight for my health. I never ever thought I'd be to this point. I am 35 overweight, unhealthy and on meds because I am so unhealthy.My new training plan is by Hal Higdon and he has a disclaimer stating that if you are over 35 to consult your Dr.  That made me feel so old.

Since the 15K my days have been filled with negative feelings, depression, anxiety and self loathing.  And the only thing that breads is more tears, depression, anxiety and self loathing.  Yesterday and today I could cry at the drop of a hat.  I just feel like I am destined to fail.  I told hubby that I have yet to succeed at anything on my own. He reminds me that I am not doing anything alone because I have his support but in the past when I've lost weight I had people cooking for me and forcing me to work out.  This time around yes I have super supportive people in my life but I am still making all the wrong choices. And when I get cranky hubby opts for the happy wife happy life mantra, and gives into what I want in the moment.  I tell myself to just focus on training but if I do that other areas in my life suffer. Like my house, laundry, kids bed time, hubby's sanity. Today I found myself on my knees praying and crying asking God for strength and help because I am obviously not strong enough to pull this off right now. This prayer brought me back to my verse.

The I will run and not grow weary has been my focus of this verse lately. But the verse as a whole is what I need for this journey.  He will renew my strength and I will Soar. Not just get by, Soar! God keeps on reminding me I am meant for great things and I keep on putting myself in the way. 

Tomorrow I have 4 miles on the training schedule and this is when I am starting the C25K during my 4 miles on Tue & Thur this week. I got a new running journal and I will write in before and after because that really was helping me through my training before.  It's time to put the peddle to the medal and start getting myself back into running shape.