Monday, March 23, 2015

14 Miles and no medal to show for it! O_O

As of the week before last the highest milage I've ever put on my treadmill was about 3 miles. This weeks training schedule called for two 4 mile runs and a 6 mile run this weekend. Some pros about a treadmill is the fact that it provides an option for you to run inside when it is raining outside and I can be home with m y kids and still get a run in. Some of the cons about a treadmill is your stuck running inside and you are home with your kids. LOL!!

Run 1: 4 Miles, Total Time 1:21:42, Total Run time: 1:09:21, Average pace: 17:18 min

My First run this week was interrupted quite a few times because of my children. They always need something. I was also in extreme pain for the first two miles of this run. I tried switching shoes and almost had to add KT tape in addition to my compression socks because I could hardly walk. I tried to follow my Chi Running rules and use my core to support my run and found it easy to do at a 10 min pace but anything slower I felt like I was trying to stop thru my Treadmill. About the 2.5 mile point my pain faded and I slowly finished my run.
Icing my shin splints

Run 2: 4 Miles, Total Time: 1:09:25, Total Run Time 1:09:25, Average Pace: 17:20

This run felt a bit easier and, not near as much pain.  I did not stick to the C25K running because I didn't want to hurt again. So I still did running intervals throughout but kept the pain in check. This run was 4 seconds slower but it wasn't interrupted and I ended up with about the same pace but felt much better afterwards. And I had my longest running, with out stoping in a long time, with a whole 10 Mins of nonstop running around mile 3!!!

Run 3: 6 Miles, Total Time: 1:42:22, Total Run Time 1:42:22, Average pace 17:02

6 miles on my treadmill felt so daunting. We had company and it was getting late, cold and wet so I wasn't about to go run around my neighborhood. And plus using the footpath apt to try  to find 6 miles from my house and that made 6 miles seem TOO far. LOL! So how does one prepare for 6 miles on a treadmill? Here is what mine looked like...
I felt so silly having to have two water bottles, one w/ rehydrate and one with water, and shot blocks on my treadmill, but I knew anything higher than 4 miles I needed better hydration and to replenish my energy to keep me going. For those of you that don't know what shot blocks or gu is, let me elaborate. They are concentrated items that quickly help replenish your body with the electrolytes, sugars and carbs you are using up. This helps keep you going and keeps you from hitting the "wall". I can't stand Gu but I can stomach shot blocks quite easily. Doing the math and realizing how long this was going to take me. I grabbed my iPad and downloaded a movie and thought, crap it is going to take me this entire movie and maybe a little bit longer. Sure enough movie came to an end and I was still going. I noticed I was dripping with sweat, it has been a while since I felt like that. So I felt good knowing I was pushing myself. I dealt with some pain this time around. Realizing that it goes away around 2.5 miles, I am able to focus on that fact.

Reflecting on the fact that a year ago i was just about to start my C25K training in hopes to run a better Warrior Dash and signed up for only 5K's that were fun or that rewarded me with some race bling. How did I get here? I ran a total of 14 miles this week.......at home.....on a treadmill....It is mind boggling to me that a 5K doesn't seem that far anymore. I know that I am not where I could be at this point of my health & fitness journey but I am still not where I was a year ago. When I started the C25K program last year my running speed was 3.6 mph and the 60 sec intervals of that were killer and I wasn't even completing a mile in the 25 mins the work out took me.  This week my interval speed was 6 mph and even with my walking my average speed was 17 min miles. I still have a long way to go but I've got 7 weeks to get my average speed to 15 min miles)my goal for the Tinkerbell) Good thing to accomplish this I mainly building muscles, strength and endurance. I don't physically have to run faster just for longer amounts of time. This week brings two more 4 mile runs and a 7 mile run this weekend.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Running on fumes.....

I feel like I can't catch a break.  You already know about my oldest having the stomach flu the bad week I had a couple weeks ago, see my previous blog post "Murphy's law".  Now at the beginning of this week I started my period, had a sick puppy(taking a trip to the Vet ER), two days ago my youngest woke up with a fever and headache, then my oldest came down with the same thing last night.  It is hard for me to focus on anything with my kids sick. I shut down and go into freak out mode.  I worry about everyone else catching what the person has and to much time missed from work. You put all the sickness on top of the fact that my puppy hasn't slept through the night and likes to get up at 2:30AM, the only good night of sleep I've gotten in the last 3 months was when we went to the hotel for my birthday.  Needless to say I am running on fumes.

There has been allot of extra praying this week for strength.  Knowing I HAD to start my new training program this week,  of course people got sick again.  As stressed as I've been, I've be remembering to lean on God for my strength and claiming Isaiah 40:31 as my verse. I got another new album of worship music; Matt Redman's "Sing like never before". Some of the songs took me back to my youth group days. Just a couple chords in and I could feel my spirit fill up. Keeping my focus on God this crazy this week and I was able to: NOT have a panic attack(super emotional yes, panic attack no), did my two 4 mile training runs, made 4 dinners, on the one day everyone was healthy, and froze 3 of them and call weight watchers and get my log in reset so I can start tracking again.

It never ceases to amazing me how when I truly keep bringing my focus back to God and really not think about all the other things I get so worked up over. All of a sudden find I am able to do them with out stress or any major effort.  I spend so much energy trying to make myself do things, trying to make myself better and I am left with only frustration and more stress.  Last night as I was waiting for my oldest's fever to go down I took out my devotional and as God does with me He used my devotional confirmed the reason I was able to succeed this week.

Monday, March 16, 2015

The need for weight loss

My anxiety has been really high lately. My kids getting sick, missing work when I don't really have time to be missing. Between sick kids, my job, training/lack of training, I just feel like I am not doing well in any area. Last night I asked hubby about my anxiety and he said it has been a bit ridiculous lately. I am still on my depression meds and normally I can control my anxiety, for the most part, if my depression is under control. I told hubby I really don't want to add another medication to my list of meds I already take. He thinks if I ate better, worked out  more and got more sleep it would fix a multitude of my problems. I told him of course it would. The best treatment for both depression and anxiety is exercise. I've know this for years. I know I feel a little more sane when I am working out consistently. My blood pressure is high because of my weight, I have ulcer/acid reflux issues because of my weight and my anxiety causes me to stress eat adding more to my weight. Losing weight isn't just about appearance anymore. It will be a nice side effect of doing these things but the want to lose has become a need to lose. I need to lose weight for my health. I never ever thought I'd be to this point. I am 35 overweight, unhealthy and on meds because I am so unhealthy.My new training plan is by Hal Higdon and he has a disclaimer stating that if you are over 35 to consult your Dr.  That made me feel so old.

Since the 15K my days have been filled with negative feelings, depression, anxiety and self loathing.  And the only thing that breads is more tears, depression, anxiety and self loathing.  Yesterday and today I could cry at the drop of a hat.  I just feel like I am destined to fail.  I told hubby that I have yet to succeed at anything on my own. He reminds me that I am not doing anything alone because I have his support but in the past when I've lost weight I had people cooking for me and forcing me to work out.  This time around yes I have super supportive people in my life but I am still making all the wrong choices. And when I get cranky hubby opts for the happy wife happy life mantra, and gives into what I want in the moment.  I tell myself to just focus on training but if I do that other areas in my life suffer. Like my house, laundry, kids bed time, hubby's sanity. Today I found myself on my knees praying and crying asking God for strength and help because I am obviously not strong enough to pull this off right now. This prayer brought me back to my verse.
The I will run and not grow weary has been my focus of this verse lately. But the verse as a whole is what I need for this journey.  He will renew my strength and I will Soar. Not just get by, Soar! God keeps on reminding me I am meant for great things and I keep on putting myself in the way. 

Tomorrow I have 4 miles on the training schedule and this is when I am starting the C25K during my 4 miles on Tue & Thur this week. I got a new running journal and I will write in before and after because that really was helping me through my training before.  It's time to put the peddle to the medal and start getting myself back into running shape.






Thursday, March 12, 2015

The: And then some....

In my pink bubble world, also know as Mary Kay, they refer to the "and then some" allot. There are people that do just the minimum and then there are people who do the and then some. Can you get results by doing the bare min? Of course, you can get good results by doing the minimum required. Can you get even better and faster results if you did just a little bit more than the bare minimum? Yep!  And then you have people like me who push off doing even the bare minimum. *sigh* I am trying to rectify this by doing my training runs but now so late in the game trying to do such large distances is probably why I am having so many issues with injuries.  My 3 miles this weekend and my 30 mins today were both walked.

This weekend's long run is suppose to be 11 miles. The furthest I've gone is 8 miles and 11 is in the double digits! Just thinking about it makes my throat get tight.  I feel so far behind in my training, During my 30 min walk today, I tried to run and I feel like I've lost the ability to run. My muscles just seem to give up  almost immediately, or I am in pain. Until just two weeks ago, I wasn't doing my 30 min runs during the week. I was killing myself during my long runs because I wasn't prepared. Then spent the next week trying to recuperate. Then I would do the 3 miles the next weekend and aggravate what I had injured in the last long run and spend the next week resting to make sure the pain was gone for my next long run. I feel like I need to go back to the beginning.

There are 8 weeks until our half in Disneyland and we are almost to a tapering on our long runs. I don't feel like it would be a good idea for me to taper. I am not ready to taper because I haven't done enough work yet. I have decided to tweak my training.  I found another highly recommended training program and it doesn't tapper. It only has you running up to 10 miles instead of 12 miles. But they say that the excitement of the day will carry you the last 3.1 miles so it isn't necessary to go further than 10 miles, interesting concept. I bounced the idea of switching up training off my hubby. We discussed how the longer week day runs will take me longer but we both feel it is important to helping me be better prepared. I tweaked it a bit and here is my training schedule for the next 8 weeks.


And to make sure I am getting back to the basics for my longer week day runs I will be doing the C25K work outs. C25K only takes about a half hour and a 4 mile run should take me a little over an hour right now. My goal is to basically do the C25K work out for that week and day 2 times. If I have to walk, I will walk but this will get me back to basics. Looking at this schedule I don't feel scared like I do with my present one that feels to be coming to an end. With only an 11 mile and two 12 mile long runs left, and I don't feel ready for them.  This will get more miles under my belt and help me feel better prepared. BFF is running her first half marathon this weekend and she is ready for the Tinkerbell half now. Since she is jumping the half marathon gun I am not sure what her plans for training are after this weekend. She said she is going to be looking for another half to do before then. So we are both changing it up a little bit but I think it is defiantly for the better. :-)

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Murphy's Law

As Murphy's Law would have it my last post was about how I was going to spend my day off prepping to start back on WW full throttle on Friday. Wed afternoon my house was taken over by the stomach flu. My oldest came down with, then the next morning was acting like he was hallucinating. I was an hysterical mess. A trip to the Dr and some anti nausea meds later and we find out we are dealing with the stomach flu and his 2 episodes of what seemed like hallucinating were basically night terrors. His body was so tired from being sick the lights were on but no one was home and he was having nightmares and had eyes open and talking to us about all the horrible things but not making any sense. So I've stayed home and accomplished absolutely nothing! We were even suppose to be at Great Wolf Lodge this weekend for BFF's son's birthday and we had to miss that too. As if I thought good old Murphy was done with me I think I broke my toe.  I was getting my youngest's blanket from the back of a chair and hubby's macbook air was on the front of the same chair. Well I guess the blanket wasn't just on the back but all they way under his macbook and I dropped it and only the corner of it landed on my middle toe. It hurt so bad!!! I told hubby I think it might be broken and he said well if it starts turning black and blue we'll know.
Isn't it pretty.
So this just sucks!! Good news is I can walk on it I am worried about running and slapping my feet down on pavement but we will know how that goes tomorrow.  I plan on running first thing in the morning and getting my 3 miles in for this weekend. Next weekend is 11 miles on our training schedule. I really wish I had the 9.3 15K under my belt but alas we all know how that went down. And now BFF thinks we should just go ahead and do a half next weekend. O_O  A friend of ours is doing one that has no time limit on a pretty flat course next Sunday. I don't quite know how I feel about this yet. When she texted me and said our friend is trying to talk her into it I was like yeah go for it. I'll just go out to the trail and run while hubby rides his bike and she is all I am talking about you too. I told her but I might die. LOL!! I did once upon a time while looking at our training schedule thought it would be nice to know what the 13.1 miles looks and feels like before Disney, this way Disney won't be as intimidating because we know we can do it cause he have already done it before.  It would show me how off my time is and give me a gauge of how much faster I'll have to go as well. I still don't know at this point. I'll start with my 3 miles on my most likely broken toe tomorrow and see how that goes.


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

"The year of Sue"

We recently started watching a TV show called "The Middle". We love this show! The middle child's name on the show is Sue and poor Sue is never noticed, remembered or gets anything she tries out for and yet she is resilient and stays positive. No matter how many times she gets rejected or turned down she keeps on trying.  This current season she is a senior in high school and she has deemed it "The year of Sue"  She decided that this is going to be her year and nothing and no one is going to change that. The whole point is that no matter what happens she keeps on going and pushing on.

Yesterday was my 35th birthday. My birthday always feels like a new year and an opportunity for a fresh start.  I started feeling like I should deem it "The Year of Me" (like Sue)? This is also a time I reflect on things not accomplished as well. My phone said I had a couple gig in emails so I went through all my emails and deleted stuff as far back as March 2012. 3 years of emails! As I went through them I found many emails from weight watchers, body bug, Jillian  Michaels, La weight loss at home, fit bit, 5K confirmations. All the attempts to lose weight and not sticking with any of them. I feel myself torn in tow directions. One direction is the the change I feel like I need to make the other direction is the familiar and comfortable. 
I feel such a strong desire to stick to my diet and my exercise plan. I desire change and yet I am so afraid that history will repeat it's self.  Just the thought of all this gives me butterflies. I am prepping for all this to change to start on Friday: meal planning, grocery shopping, gym bag packing, and I am terrified. 

Sunday, March 1, 2015

My first and hopefully last DNF (Did Not Finish)

Today was the day of our Hot Chocolate 15K. I was scared to death knowing that my pace has been near the 15 min requirement I was worried but thought maybe I can pick up time here and there to make it work. Hubby was so supportive and truly believed I could do it.
Here is us before
We were both a little ill from the whole idea of doing a 15K. Our corral start was based on what we entered as our pace, so she was way ahead of me and I was in the back. At first it was going good. We took off and I felt like hey I'm not doing so bad, but I forgot to start my watch so my watch milage was a little off. I started feeling like it was time to walk and looked at my garmin and I had ran for almost half a whole half mile.  It had been just under 5 mins since turning on my watch and me being at a half a mile!  I thought perfect if I can keep this up this is going to be no problem.  Just after mile one there were porta potty and I had to pee, I stopped and that took 2 mins and who knows how many people passed me then.  Then it happened. I could see the pacers and the police car that was right behind them.
I thought ok no big deal now you know were they are just make sure they stay about the same distance behind you. The amount of up hill incline on this run was crazy. We went all the way down to Pike Place down at the water then we had to get all the way back up to Woodland Park via the Battery St tunnel and across the Aurora bridge, to our turn around point. I knew there were a few people behind me but I could no longer see them and I could see the pacers on bikes. So I came to grips with the fact that you know what finishing last wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, just keep going they are still about a half a mile behind you.  

I was pacing a couple other walkers that were walking faster than I was so I played leap frog. I would run and pass them, then let them pass me and so on. I get to the bridge like the flatest part of the entire run just a little over a mile from the final turn around. We has been climbing a steady incline to this bridge and I was telling myself that I would make up this time on the bridge and going down the hill we just came up, and they cut me off. O_O Right as I got to the bridge they told me I had to turn there, what?  I quickly looked for the pacers that were still in the same spot I left them so WTFrick??? Still confused I look at my watch and I still have plenty of time to make it in my 2hr and 20 min limit they give and they are cutting me off here?  It was a blow to the gut, I was devastated, I had failed. Then just as the fog in my brain started to clear BFF runs up behind me. I was happy to see her and told her that I failed. We both agreed getting turned around was better than having to catch a ride from the fail bus but still. We hit the mile 8 marker and I am at just about to 6 miles. I told her I had already decided not to accept the finisher medal when I crossed the finish line because it would be a lie and the constant reminder that I was not a 15K finisher. I was trying to keep it together and thankfully BFF decided to see if she could finish in under two hours I cheered her on and told her to go for it!  The second she left, my throat tightened and the tears started to flow uncontrollably. I hoped the soft sobs I was letting out were just coming off as heavy breathing from running to those around me. I couldn't stop the tears until the 9 mile marker. Almost to the finish I knew I'd have to wipe the tears off and be ready to reject the medal.  4 different people tried to had me the finisher medal and I am surprised I was able to get out a no thank you. I almost lost it again when BFF hugged me as we were going to our cars.  

The drive home was full of anger and tears. I got home and when I was ready to talk told my hubby about how I don't understand why I was turned around when the pacers were no where near me.  I also told BFF via text about this fact as well. We figured out that this whole 2 hr and 20 min time limit started when the first corral was let go. So me and all the other slower paced people they place at the back of the pack didn't leave until a half hour later. So us slower paced people really only had 1hr and 50 mins. We were all behind the moment we started.  I guess there were some pretty pissed off people they were making do the turn around. BFF's hubby was there and witness a lady telling them how she has kept a 14 min pace and they should be turning her around. Sure enough looking at the stats they ended right after 2 hrs and 30 mins which means when I reached the bridge I still had an hour to finish 4 miles. I could have completed it but they turned me around. 

So no after pic for me I was to upset but as I realized they had cut me and many other people short I started to think I probably could have completed if they just let me stay ahead of the pacers.  I had to remind myself that: Did not finish still trumps Did not start.