Hello day 24 of the 24 day challenge. I don't know that anyone has every blown it as much as I have. A little over a week ago I was feeling really good. Like surely I must have lost some inches because I'd been eating less, thanks tot he vitamin packs. So I asked my Mom to retake my measurements at my belly button so I could be excited. BAD IDEA!!! Not only did I not lose any inches & was 3/4 of an itch bigger! O_O So I have been on an eating bing ever since. This morning I've hit a new weight high of 174.4.
We had company tonight & I am surrounded by people who have lost lots of weight (thanks to medicated speed) My DH who just finished the STP & is in the best shape of his adult life & then there is me: FAT, UGLY me! So on top of this our company & DH want me to put my Dog of 11 years down, Work issues, & some other issues that I won't put on a public forum. Then DH has decided that he is going to go ahead w/ the sprint triathlon. So I am feeling like a failure in all aspects of my life. How do I fix this??? I need to make my MK biz a priority so I can get out of my other Job that is going to be much worse very soon w/ a bunch of policy changes that are effective 8/1/12. But it all goes back to taking time away. Now DH needs 3 days a week to train for the triathlon so I feel like any working out days for me are now being taken away again. He said hey you should do it w/ me. And I said: "We can't train at the same time we have kids. It doesn't work like that for us." I feel again like I am sacrificing & that I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I am EVER going to make myself & my needs & wants a priority. Even w/ the encoragement of DH that I need to do these things, I don't. He tells me to go to the gym after the kids go to bed but that is sacrificing my us time & I don't want to give that up so I say no & I hate getting up early. So between me taking those times out & the 3 days DH needs to train I feel like I have nothing left even for my MK biz.
I tried to eat right today figuring that that is something I can do that doesn't take time away from anyone & after my bad night I put DS2 to bed, got DS1 his snack brought the monitor out to DH & told him I am going to get Ice cream. He wanted to know if I was cranky I told him yes, very. He wanted to know why I told him reasons he doesn't want to talk about. Because he can't sand it when I talk bad about myself. I am so frustrated!! I have so much I want to do & accomplish. The killer part is that I know what I need to do but I don't know how I am going to get myself to do it.
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