GULP.....

So I have a couple big things going on right now.  Still no chocolate candy or diet pop still good there. We have officially decided to take a trip to Maui this September!!  Yes we are talking only 6 short months away. However at 2 lbs a week I can reach my goal of 130 way before 6 months.  So I am going to meet w/ a personal trainer this Wednesday & maybe start working w/ him.   So I am excited & nervous about both things.  I have a fear of flying. I will fly but I like to bring as many people w/ me as possible. I figure there is safety in numbers.  So the fact that I'll be getting on a plane for a 6 hour flight w/ just my husband. Stresses me out.  I have never been away from my little ones for more than one night. SO this will be a big deal.  I will be excited for my 2nd Honeymoon w/ my DH but sad that I am w/o my boys.

Don't want to be a beached whale!!

I wrote this back in march & apparently it didn't post so I am posting it now.

So DH & I have decided take our 2nd honeymoon a year earlier than planned. We were going to go next year for our 10th Anniversary. However my Mom just got her retirement approved but will still be looking for another job so we were thinking that we should take advantage I the time off she has before she gets another job & go this year. I have the week off in Sept already and we've picked the hotel in Maui, HI. We have never been to HI & I want to feel confident & sexy. DH is melting away slowly but surely. He just decides to eat right & does it no questions asked. He is at his lowest weight in years and I lost some but only because I was up sick all last night.

I have 26 weeks until our trip my goal weight is 130 and that is 35 lbs away right now. So doable!!! I have to do this! I don't want to look like a Rachel whale. I was to be strutting my stuff thinking yeah I am hot & my DH should be proud to be on the beach next to me in my swimsuit. I have to succeed! I am now at 2 weeks 3 days w/o diet pop or chocolate candy. I was craving diet pop today but no chocolate. I I am kind of thinking maybe getting food poisoning was a blessing in disguise because it will help me eat less after all the throwing up.

I have this new found desire to become very active. I want to go for hikes to waterfalls while on Maui & I want it to be easy not me huffing & puffing trying to catch my breath. I even started swimsuit shopping hoping it will motivate me. So here goes nothing I'll weigh in, in the morning & we will start our 26 week journey!

2 weeks & 1 day

So still no chocolate candy or diet pop. I am shocked to say I think the cravings maybe going away!!! I still want it when I am depressed or having a freak out moment but other than that I real feel it is fading. Still no real effects from stopping drinking it so I still don't know if it is worth it but I guess only time will tell.

So today I ate a little chocolate...

Well I made mini Chocolate cupcakes for a Mary Kay Event I had at work & I did eat some of my mini cupcakes BUT I think that is different than eating candy like I was. So still no Chocolate candy has been eaten & No diet pop in 9 days.  Still no weight loss & haven't been back to the gym since this weekend. Like has been super, crazy, busy this week. I felt like I haven't had any down time for quite a while.  On my Days off from my Job I am working my other Job w/ Mary Kay. I had a Skin Care class this Saturday but it rescheduled but DH is going to the Bike Expo so this just means I don't have to try to find a baby sitter. I did go & get my hair chopped off yesterday. I am glad to have short hair again.  My brain is all over the place right now. I am having a hard time focusing. I wanted to check in & give you an update. So I'll try to gather my thoughts & type w/ a clear head tomorrow.

What a TOUGH day!

I don't know what happened today. I got up went to the gym & that was good, weighed in & was up to 168.2 but I did eat late & allot for my Birthday. So then my mood tanked later this afternoon & I couldn't stop feeling super fat & like a failure for not losing weight.  I have only been eating ok for a few days so I don't know why I am bummed about not losing. I guess I was really hoping that cutting out chocolate was going to make a big impact.  So far today was the most difficult day to not give in & eat chocolate & diet pop.  I was in a bad mood & the ONLY think I wanted was junk food w/ diet pop & a chocolate bar for dessert. I even had to make my little gift/sample bags for the NW Women's show tomorrow & put 2 chocolates in each one & I tell you COMPLETE toucher!!! You would think I would be proud of my self for resisting & not eating any chocolate even w/ it in my hands today but nope I am still just irritated that I am not eating it.

Because I am working a booth at the NW Women's show tomorrow from 12-2 we aren't going to make it to church so I was thinking about heading to the gym again.  My DH told me today that I should put red highlights in my hair. I am a blonde & he is talking like Fire Engine red. I think it could be fun but is just a little bolder than I have ever done before.  So I am thinking to do it once I hit a goal of some kind.  I am not sure what my goals should be.   I have my business goals that I want rewards for & I also have weight goals I could have rewards for.  And I am still so cranky & irritated about it all I just want to gorge myself on chocolate & yet my DH is working towards his training for his STP & the idea of him being in shape & me not just kills me.  It makes me depressed just thinking about he is already losing inches. He had to go down a belt notch already.  I just wish I could lose like he does he eats pretty good until Dinner & then he tends to splurge but he still loses. If I splurge like I did for my Birthday not even on junk food just went out to dinner &  a movie so I ate popcorn & a payday candy bar at like 11PM so I guess I should stop freaking out about the gain.  I've been off my depression meds for 3 weeks & I just ordered my refill so I'll pick that up tomorrow & maybe that can help me from being depressed so quickly.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Today I turned 32.  I am not quite sure how I feel about turning 32 either.  This morning I felt old like it was allot closer to 35 & that is really close to 40 type of attitude. I also felt like 32 sounds grown up & I am not sure I want to be a grown up yet.  LOL!  But tonight as midnight came & went I realize that I can make 32 amazing & finally reach several personal goals in my life.  On Tuesday my weight was up to 169.8 so I stopped weighing myself know that I wasn't trying to diet but just cut out the chocolate & diet pop.  But my eating did get better Wed & Thur & I went to the gym on Thur so come this morning I weighed myself to find me at 167.2.  That was a pleasant surprise.  Today concluded 5 days w/o chocolate or diet pop.  I did eat to much today because we went out to dinner for my birthday & I had a Payday candy bar but no chocolate in that. I am going to go to the gym again tomorrow morning. :-)  Feeling really good about how things are going this week!