Part of my weight loss battle is I practically feel guilty for complaining about being over weight. I only have 47 lbs to lose where most of America has much more to lose so I feel bad complaining. I go to web sites like 3fatchicks.com & go to there goal forum & look a pics of people who have lost over 100 lbs. And most people find that inspiring but the first thing that comes to my mind is "I could never do that".
I have had two separate occasions in the last couple weeks where God has spoken & encouraged me through my devotions. The thing that is going to be my mantra is "I am just passing through" The devotion was based off the Psalm 23:4 "Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." So I was sure this devotion titled "You're Just Passing Through" was going to be about death & heaven but to my wonderful surprise it was about feeling stuck in a situation that you feel will never change we must allow God to guide you through it. And when the devil says, "You're trapped" to say No I am just passing through!
Another quote I love that I saw for the first time on 3fatchicks.com is: "A year from now you'll be glad you started today." It is so true! I told my self when I turned 30 that by my next birthday I would be at my goal weight giving me a whole year to accomplish this & my 31st birthday was this month.
I am happy to say today is day 4 of being on Weight Watchers again.and I am still on track. I still have most of my weekly points that I am trying to save for this Saturday because DH & I are going out to dinner & I would really like to not have to worry about what I want to order.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Hedonistic Hunger
"hedonistic hunger" = an urge to eat when the body has no biological need to.
Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good.[1] This is often used as a justification for evaluating actions in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain (i.e. suffering) they produce. In very simple terms, a hedonist strives to maximize this net pleasure
So there it is. This is what I have. I eat to make my self feel good aka emotional eating. The name is kinda scary. I would have NEVER thought of it as a Hedonist act when I emotionally eat.
When I emotionally eat I do get some kind of high from it. It takes away my problems just for a little while until the guilt of what I ate sets in. Then to make the guilt go away I eat a little something more. It is a viscous circle that never ends.
There is also the aspect of social eating for me too. As long as I can remember my Mom, her best friend & I go out to eat & visit once a week. And also in High School our hang out was the local Red Robin where lots of friends from school worked & every Sunday Night after Youth Group we would all head to the DQ for fries & blizzards. And I came upon this realization about a year ago: I was a blast getting fat. I know a couple jaws just dropped but it was. As I ate out & hung out, went on dates w/ DH there are wonderful memories connected to all that eating that brought me here to 171 lbs. When I did lose weight last time & got down to 140 lbs what happened was I got happy & content w/ my weight so I stopped keeping as close of track of what I ate. I maintained for a few months then started eating out more & more again. Right now I can tell you that last week I ate out 4 out of 7 nights. And that is probably close to average for us. Whether it is picking up a pizza, fast food or a sit down restaurant we don't eat home cooked meals very often. I am so glad that it is spring & can't wait for summer for corn on the cob & salmon bbq's. It is always easier to eat healthier during the summer because of all the yummy fruits & veggies that are out.
Speaking of veggies. I am thinking I want to try spaghetti squash. I found out how to cook it & I would really like to try it w/ spaghetti sauce. I'll let you all know how that goes when I do try it. This week is a crazy week for me to start trying to stop eating out. DH had a dentist apt for a filling tonight, I have one for a filling tomorrow night & then DH has another dentist apt on Wed night for his normal 6 month cleaning. So two nights out of the week one of us are going to be numb. Two weeks ago I had another filling & I didn't eat until 10 PM & that isn't good for the metabolism. I may try to eat dinner before the apt tomorrow.
Hedonism is a school of thought which argues that pleasure is the only intrinsic good.[1] This is often used as a justification for evaluating actions in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain (i.e. suffering) they produce. In very simple terms, a hedonist strives to maximize this net pleasure
So there it is. This is what I have. I eat to make my self feel good aka emotional eating. The name is kinda scary. I would have NEVER thought of it as a Hedonist act when I emotionally eat.
When I emotionally eat I do get some kind of high from it. It takes away my problems just for a little while until the guilt of what I ate sets in. Then to make the guilt go away I eat a little something more. It is a viscous circle that never ends.
There is also the aspect of social eating for me too. As long as I can remember my Mom, her best friend & I go out to eat & visit once a week. And also in High School our hang out was the local Red Robin where lots of friends from school worked & every Sunday Night after Youth Group we would all head to the DQ for fries & blizzards. And I came upon this realization about a year ago: I was a blast getting fat. I know a couple jaws just dropped but it was. As I ate out & hung out, went on dates w/ DH there are wonderful memories connected to all that eating that brought me here to 171 lbs. When I did lose weight last time & got down to 140 lbs what happened was I got happy & content w/ my weight so I stopped keeping as close of track of what I ate. I maintained for a few months then started eating out more & more again. Right now I can tell you that last week I ate out 4 out of 7 nights. And that is probably close to average for us. Whether it is picking up a pizza, fast food or a sit down restaurant we don't eat home cooked meals very often. I am so glad that it is spring & can't wait for summer for corn on the cob & salmon bbq's. It is always easier to eat healthier during the summer because of all the yummy fruits & veggies that are out.
Speaking of veggies. I am thinking I want to try spaghetti squash. I found out how to cook it & I would really like to try it w/ spaghetti sauce. I'll let you all know how that goes when I do try it. This week is a crazy week for me to start trying to stop eating out. DH had a dentist apt for a filling tonight, I have one for a filling tomorrow night & then DH has another dentist apt on Wed night for his normal 6 month cleaning. So two nights out of the week one of us are going to be numb. Two weeks ago I had another filling & I didn't eat until 10 PM & that isn't good for the metabolism. I may try to eat dinner before the apt tomorrow.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Weigh in 3/27/11
I went into Weight Watchers & had my official weigh in at 171 lbs. I stayed for the meeting which I feel like they are what AA meetings are to an alcoholic. I know I have some kind of food addiction maybe just based on emotions. The last time I succeeded at weight loss was thru LA Weight loss & I believe it had allot to do w/ my weekly weigh ins I had to come in & sit down one on one w/ someone who looked at my food journal so if the scale didn't show me loosing weight they would say well here is why. My family has always tried to support me & be there for me to be accountable to but it doesn't work. When my poor DH tires I tell him to just shut up. For some reason being accountable to strangers seems to work better for me. So I got a monthly pass I can go to as many meetings as I need to a week but I only weight in once a week.
When I was younger I was told it isn't healthy to think about food allot. When I am just eating what sounds good I don't think about it as much. However when I am watching what I eat I think about food from the time I wake up until the time I got to sleep. I have to practically chant I can do this, I can do this, Don't eat that, I can do this. It is exhausting!
When I was younger I was told it isn't healthy to think about food allot. When I am just eating what sounds good I don't think about it as much. However when I am watching what I eat I think about food from the time I wake up until the time I got to sleep. I have to practically chant I can do this, I can do this, Don't eat that, I can do this. It is exhausting!
The Unhappy Hippos intro
Did you know that a Hippo is as wide as they are long? Dr. Oz says you waist should only be a max of 1/2 your height. So for example I am 59 inches tall so my waist should only be 29.5 inches around. At my last measurements 2 months ago my waist was 46 inches around, EEEEKKKK!!!! I have almost 20 inches on my waist alone to lose.
Some more about myself.
-Jesus Christ is my Lord & Savior
-I have a wonderfully blessed life w/ my Husband & our two wonderful little boys
-I have depression & anxiety/panic disorder.
-I have very low self esteem That is now effecting my desire to see people
-I want to be at my goal weight w/ out all the work. I know that isn't how it works & I can hear Jillian Michaels say Fine then you just don't want it enough. (Yes I am a Biggest Loser fan & so sad this is her last season) I know all the right things to think, say & do but I sit on my couch & stuff my face.
-I have always been the "fat friend" Even as the fat friend in High School I was a size 10, something I would love to be again.
-I am an emotional eater. When I am sad I eat, when I am happy I eat.
-I watched my Moms weight yo-yo my entire life. She has tried & done almost every fad diet out there & for this reason I refuse to take anything, even if it is natural, that says it will increase my metabolism or curb my appetite. Or join in any diet that has you remove whole food groups from your life.
-I am only 4' 11'' making my "healthy" weight range 99-124 lbs
-My BMI is 34.3 classified as Obese
My Weight Loss struggle
My weight has always been on my mind. I was even borderline anorexic part of my Junior year in high school. It didn't last very long & I mainly ate a very small lunch was all. That is when I hit my lowest weight ever: 111 lbs. When I hit 111 lbs I was able to borrow clothes from friends which I could never do before! That was my junior year by my Senior year I was 130 lbs & I met my now husband & we started dating.
By the time I was 21 I was 145 lbs I broke down one day to my parents, I was still living at home, about how I can't stand the way I look & how I want to fix me because I can feel me know being myself because I was getting self conscious. So my Dad, who used to be a bodybuilder, had me start working out 3 times a week & my Mom started packing my breakfast & lunches I kept to 1000 to 1200 calories a day. I got down to 130 lbs I was Thrilled!!! During this weight loss I never saw the scale I just set up rewards once I hit a certain weight. I would stand on the scale backwards & my Dad kept track of it & told me when I got to get my next reward. This was Dec of 2001.
Fast Forward: 2 years I am now engaged to the man of my Dreams & back up to 145 lbs. I was so happy about getting married & planning my wedding I didn't even bother trying to lose weight because we got married after a very short engagement. After almost 6 years of dating I had my whole wedding planned years before he asked.
Fast Forward another 2 years: I am now 155 lbs & just found out I am pregnant w/ our first son. Yes it was planned & I saw no point in trying to lose weight until after I had a baby. I figured I would have to lose the baby weight anyway right???? So Pregnancy is the most amazing weight loss tool for me EVER! I only gained 15 lbs during my whole pregnancy & by my 6 week follow up apt I am down 19 lbs that's right 4 lbs less than when I started my pregnancy. I was 151 lbs. So only a short 6 months later I am 167lbs yep I managed to gain all the weight I lost I am now only 3 lbs short of what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. So in March of 2007 I joined LA Weight Loss. It is a wonderful plan by Sept 07 I was down to 140 lost 27 lbs & that is with some cheating on my plan & no exercising. Again I have reached happy Me so I started eating like everyone else.
Oct 2009 Yep up again a new high 172 lbs. And we find out we are pregnant w/ my 2nd son, another planned event. And I only gain 8 lbs w/ this pregnancy & lose 21 by my six week apt putting me back down to 151. My plans had been to maintain that & keep it going down BUT guess what?
Today I am 170 lbs. In late January I convinced my Mom to join Weight Watchers w/ me & in one week I lost 5lbs! I am in love w/ the point plus system it works I don't feel deprived. And I stopped my Mom is now down 25 lbs & here I sit.
In between all these mile stone weight loss attempts I tried to start LA weight loss again & counting calories & never stuck to it. I can't seem to stay track longer than two weeks. I have thought about blogging about my weight trouble before but my fear of failing & quitting prevented me. I tend to stay on track when I journal & believe me I have allot of weight loss journals all starting the same way "Here I am again weighing in at...." & all never having a happy ending. I joined weight loss forums but I know what they are all going to say either be encouraging or say how I need to just stick to it, etc... These are things I am VERY aware of but for some reason I outright fight against it.
My only enabler is my self. My family & Husband is VERY supportive. My DH eats what every I need to eat when I am trying to lose weight & he never says no if I say I want to go to the gym can you watch the boys. I am going to start my journey again tomorrow. I hope I will see true success this time around & I can turn this unhappy hippo to a happy hippo.
Some more about myself.
-Jesus Christ is my Lord & Savior
-I have a wonderfully blessed life w/ my Husband & our two wonderful little boys
-I have depression & anxiety/panic disorder.
-I have very low self esteem That is now effecting my desire to see people
-I want to be at my goal weight w/ out all the work. I know that isn't how it works & I can hear Jillian Michaels say Fine then you just don't want it enough. (Yes I am a Biggest Loser fan & so sad this is her last season) I know all the right things to think, say & do but I sit on my couch & stuff my face.
-I have always been the "fat friend" Even as the fat friend in High School I was a size 10, something I would love to be again.
-I am an emotional eater. When I am sad I eat, when I am happy I eat.
-I watched my Moms weight yo-yo my entire life. She has tried & done almost every fad diet out there & for this reason I refuse to take anything, even if it is natural, that says it will increase my metabolism or curb my appetite. Or join in any diet that has you remove whole food groups from your life.
-I am only 4' 11'' making my "healthy" weight range 99-124 lbs
-My BMI is 34.3 classified as Obese
My Weight Loss struggle
My weight has always been on my mind. I was even borderline anorexic part of my Junior year in high school. It didn't last very long & I mainly ate a very small lunch was all. That is when I hit my lowest weight ever: 111 lbs. When I hit 111 lbs I was able to borrow clothes from friends which I could never do before! That was my junior year by my Senior year I was 130 lbs & I met my now husband & we started dating.
By the time I was 21 I was 145 lbs I broke down one day to my parents, I was still living at home, about how I can't stand the way I look & how I want to fix me because I can feel me know being myself because I was getting self conscious. So my Dad, who used to be a bodybuilder, had me start working out 3 times a week & my Mom started packing my breakfast & lunches I kept to 1000 to 1200 calories a day. I got down to 130 lbs I was Thrilled!!! During this weight loss I never saw the scale I just set up rewards once I hit a certain weight. I would stand on the scale backwards & my Dad kept track of it & told me when I got to get my next reward. This was Dec of 2001.
Fast Forward: 2 years I am now engaged to the man of my Dreams & back up to 145 lbs. I was so happy about getting married & planning my wedding I didn't even bother trying to lose weight because we got married after a very short engagement. After almost 6 years of dating I had my whole wedding planned years before he asked.
Fast Forward another 2 years: I am now 155 lbs & just found out I am pregnant w/ our first son. Yes it was planned & I saw no point in trying to lose weight until after I had a baby. I figured I would have to lose the baby weight anyway right???? So Pregnancy is the most amazing weight loss tool for me EVER! I only gained 15 lbs during my whole pregnancy & by my 6 week follow up apt I am down 19 lbs that's right 4 lbs less than when I started my pregnancy. I was 151 lbs. So only a short 6 months later I am 167lbs yep I managed to gain all the weight I lost I am now only 3 lbs short of what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant. So in March of 2007 I joined LA Weight Loss. It is a wonderful plan by Sept 07 I was down to 140 lost 27 lbs & that is with some cheating on my plan & no exercising. Again I have reached happy Me so I started eating like everyone else.
Oct 2009 Yep up again a new high 172 lbs. And we find out we are pregnant w/ my 2nd son, another planned event. And I only gain 8 lbs w/ this pregnancy & lose 21 by my six week apt putting me back down to 151. My plans had been to maintain that & keep it going down BUT guess what?
Today I am 170 lbs. In late January I convinced my Mom to join Weight Watchers w/ me & in one week I lost 5lbs! I am in love w/ the point plus system it works I don't feel deprived. And I stopped my Mom is now down 25 lbs & here I sit.
In between all these mile stone weight loss attempts I tried to start LA weight loss again & counting calories & never stuck to it. I can't seem to stay track longer than two weeks. I have thought about blogging about my weight trouble before but my fear of failing & quitting prevented me. I tend to stay on track when I journal & believe me I have allot of weight loss journals all starting the same way "Here I am again weighing in at...." & all never having a happy ending. I joined weight loss forums but I know what they are all going to say either be encouraging or say how I need to just stick to it, etc... These are things I am VERY aware of but for some reason I outright fight against it.
My only enabler is my self. My family & Husband is VERY supportive. My DH eats what every I need to eat when I am trying to lose weight & he never says no if I say I want to go to the gym can you watch the boys. I am going to start my journey again tomorrow. I hope I will see true success this time around & I can turn this unhappy hippo to a happy hippo.
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