Thursday, July 14, 2016

When you feel like you don't deserve another chance..

After a night of no sleep running was the last thing I wanted to do yesterday.  With hubby's encouragement I got on the treadmill and did my Week 2 Day 3 work out.  I was so tired I told hubby, fine I'll do it but I don't know if I can run at all. But we all know full well that once you get started doing anything but your best would only be frustrating so I ran just like I would have if I had slept the night before.  My tomato red face showed up during the run, good news is that means I am pushing myself. Even though today my muscles are still not really sore just tired. 

 As I sit and write a to do list with things like meal planning and prep, I almost feel guilty.  I feel like I don't deserve another chance to lose weight and get healthy.  I feel that God has given me so many opportunities and I keep on throwing them away.  I've had the pre diabetes scare, I'm on the mildest smallest type of blood pressure meds I can be on but they are not real blood pressure meds yet, my gastric issue/ulcer and the most recent my skin cancer scare.  After each and everyone of these you could find me crying and telling hubby how I have to change my ways. That would last a week or two if I could even get started.  I still have been unable to start even with the new program purchased. WW has ruined me forever because every time I look at a new diet and it tells me I can't eat something I think well WW let me eat that and I lost weight.  WW was never the problem, it is a great program it was just me sticking with something that is the problem.  My oldest has a problem doing things he doesn't want to and sticking to things he finds frustrating. I realize that while I suck it up and do most things I need to do in my life whether I want to or not when it come to healthy living and dieting I am exactly like him.  Time to vacation is quickly passing and I got two new goal shirts for the trip that I would really like to wear this November. I am glad that my C25K program is just something that isn't an option for me. Now that I've started it I just have to run 3 days a week no if ands or buts about it.  Just need to find a way to make that thought process work with my eating and tracking what I eat. 

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