Uncomfortable...

I have gotten to the point where I am just uncomfortable in my own skin.  I find it hard to do things I used to.  I just can't take being this big any more.  I told DH that tomorrow I stop eating forever. LOL!! But in all seriousness tomorrow I will take control. I am going to make the choice to choice to eat to live not live to eat. Will I screw up from time to time of course I will. And that is going to be the hard part that is where I normally throw my hands up in the air & say screw it.  But i am going to push forward & understand that it is not going to be a smooth road. This is what the t

true road to success looks like. Mary Kay the key to success is no matter how many times you fall you get back up, She said she had the most bruised up knees in the business.  I am going to take mesurements & new before pics tomorrow. 

Biggest loser posted this on there FB wall today & it is the truth:

It just takes the effort & you will get there!  I am going start blogging more good or bad. I am not sure how to start I feel like I need something drastic like a juice or the 10 day herbal cleanse. Just to break the habit of eating all this junk.  But witch should I do?? I just started back on my antidepressants so I know I can't take the vitamins from advocare because when I do I get WAY to jittery & it makes me have panic attacks. O_O  So then I think I should avoid the cleanse & maybe just do the whole juicing thing for a couple days.  I tried to find a jump start for WW & no real luck. WW has a simply filling plan that they suggest trying when you are stuck so maybe I will try reading up on that. 

I am having all sorts of things came up tonight after I decided that tomorrow was the day. DH ended up sick w/ a fever & when ever any of my family gets sick I end up in a panic that it is going to work it's way thru the whole house & the kids will get sick & I'll have to miss work etc.. So I am in a panic over that which makes me want to self medicate & eat junk food.  Both boys were sick last weekend w/ a fever that lasted only a day & I am hoping that is all he has.  Because of the craziness at home I didn't make it to the grocery store so lack of healthy foods in my home. But I still am determined tomorrow is the day. 

So lots of tracking & lots of focusing on why I want to lose weight.  Along w/ praying & also am making a list I am going to look at every time I want to eat something off diet.

THE LIST:

Reasons that are important to me to lose weight.   being able to move, put my shoes on easily,   having a towel wrap all the way around me, being able to see what I am shaving, be able to play w/ my kids w/o getting winded, catch my DH checking me out again, being able to strut my stuff because I'll know I look good.  

Heres to tomorrow.  

Tummy in my way

So today wasn't great but not terrible either. Boys still sick had to miss 1/2 a day at work. Well every time I wanted to eat I prayed for strength & I defiantly helped. So I went boot shopping today and realized that I can not put shoes on the same anymore.   My tummy gets in my way & I look like a fool. I had to bend over at the strange angle had to try 3 different way & times before I could reach my foot. Yet another reason I must lose weight.

Something always comes up....

So today was day one back on WW back on my depression meds. It was going great feeling really good at great for breakfast, ok for lunch. Then it happened. I felt a wave come over me and I have officially caught the boys cold. DS2 had me up until a little after 2AM this morning cause he was so miserable. And man does is thing suck! Thanksgiving is only 3 days away and it's at my house. We all have to beat this. So you know the old saying starve a fever, feed a cold? Well I ate and ate and ate. Basically 1/2 my weekly points gone on day one and the plan was to save 90% of them for thanksgiving.  DS2 just called for me again. Here we are almost 1 AM and the sick Mommy is needed.  If DH didn't have to get up so much earlier than me for work I old be asking for his help. His alarm goes off 3 hrs before mine does.

So tomorrows plan is to fight the battle agin & everytime I want to eat something not on my diet I am going to pray for strength. Cause "I can do all things through Christ!"

I have no neck

We went for a short trip to Disneyland for Holloween. My Dad has this amazing HD video camera " I love the quality of videos it takes HOWEVER. It made me Rezlize that I have no neck only a double chin. My mom & I rejoined WW almost two weeks ago at a weigh in of 178.9. Idid it for two days & then stopped and then this morning I decided to finally weigh my self again & it says I've lost 8lbs. O_O now keep in mind I have not been dieting & all my clothes are not fitting just purchased XXL pjs. So I had my DH weigh him self & it was right where I has always been for him.so I take myself in to WW for a weigh in cause I know something is wrong w/ my scale, at least when I step on it.  Granted all logic was telling me no you didn't lose but there was that glimmer of hope since DH weight seemed right. So I get there and I gained a pound. So new weigh in is at 179.9. Keep in mind this is with jeans on but that is what the 178.9 reflected as well so I wanted to be consistent.  *sigh*

So  I feel at such a loss. Watching these wonderful memories of our trip & I can count the rolls on my back & lost my neck.  I have 13 weeks before our trip back to Disneyland in Feb. I really want to see some improvement and that would mean if I did that Ivan be ready for our Anniversary Trip in Aug.  I know I am addicted to food but can't quit it. I think of how God frees people from addictions to drugs & alcohol why not my food? I then tell my self that's not the same but it IS an addiction that effects my health, my lifestyle and my family. So why not pray for deliverance?  So that is the new plan. I will pray for deliverance from my food addiction that I will start eating to live & stop eating to live.  Planning on tacking via WW and not worrying about working out yet but ,y DH did get me a road bike so I can go do some cardio in our bike trainer in the garge.  This is Thanksgiving week w/ Black Friday shopping so I normally doing eat to great this week. Plus the boys are sick, we had to get DS1 an at home nebulizer for the first time ever.  And I am PMSing so I am very stressed which also normally a trigger for food. But this is something that's need to have to let God fix because I know I am unable to.