Future Goals

Since my last post I've tried to type a post quite a few times, I have about 5 saved, and I've gone though every process possible.   I went through the well just screw it, I just need to not even think of trying to do anything, all the way to wanting to start running again and even taking the step to contact my new trainer to start back at the gym.  Did I tell you that during my time off due to pinky injury my training got pregnant and stopped training at the gym and she referred me another trainer with the gym. She left me a message over a month ago but I was still on a strict no use policy and now my Dr has released me back to using my pinky, even though it won't go straight yet, I figure I could start lifting weights and get back on the treadmill.

My new trainer finally got back to me today and we are going to meet and discuss a plan but with the holidays we've haven't gotten together yet.  We have also been low on some of our favorite Advocare products so I was placing an order and decided to actually order the official 24 day challenge.  I've done the cleanse and tried to do the challenge in the past but kind of just pieced together my own kit, forgoing the meal replacement shakes.  This time I ordered the WHOLE thing.

I am so scared, worried, frustrated, intimidated and disappointed right now.  My past attempts that have all ended in failure. So I have a hard time feeling positive about having to start over yet again. I reached that magic weight were my body hates me.  I stepped on the scale a few days ago and it rang in at 181 and I thought NO WONDER!  The last few weeks I've been in pain, it is difficult to get off the couch, my hips and sciatic nerve is really bothering me, my XXL shirts are getting tight, I've lost all umph to do anything, heart burn is raging, loud snoring, When I weigh under 175 a lot of this goes away but right around 178 and up I start to feel miserable. My little frame is not meant to have this much weight on it.

I am working on a big list of goals, some of them maybe bucket list goals but still goals. And I have some secret projects I've been working on.  With only a few weeks left to this year they are jammed packed with parties, baking, work and Christmas of course.  Hubby and I have been talking allot about the next year and we have some BIG plans.