200 sticks of butter

I know I've talked about this before but it came up again and it is such a vivid explanation, I wanted to share it again.  The other day Hubby and I were talking about the weight we both need to lose. He started the conversation, he just completed the STP (Seattle to Portland bike ride) for the 4th year and the 2nd time he has done it in about a 15 hr period of time. Every year he says I need to lose ____ lbs by next STP. He was talking about how he has about 30 lbs to lose and I told him I have allot more than that. I need to lose 50 lbs, as we drove I was trying to visualize the weight I need to lose. I often try to justify the fact that so many people need to lose so much more than I do. Watching people on shows like Extreme Weight Loss and Biggest Loser make me feel like I'm not SO bad.  I remembered that 4 sticks of butter is a pound and about looks like fat.  I started doing the math in my head 4x50=200.  I then exclaimed to my husband that I have 200 sticks of butter to lose.  I then tried imagining attaching 200 sticks of butter to my body. I don't even know how I would go about doing it.  If I consider that I have minimal fat on my arms and legs that means I probably have 85% of my "sticks of butter" from my double chin to my gut.  I told hubby I wanted to go buy 200 sticks of butter so I could take a picture of it for motivation and this blog post of course, he laughed and said no. LOL!  But that is what I have all over my body and organs. It makes me feel kind of sick about it all.  This thought process really sent me into a downward spiral of feeling awful about myself. I started beating myself up: How could you let yourself get to this point, You just keep failing, If you would have stuck to something you wouldn't be having this conversation with yourself.  This was all making me depressed and feeling extreamely self-conscious, making me want to shut down and not see anyone or do anything.

Then out of the blue I got a phone call. I didn't recognize the number so I normally don't answer but hubby insisted, for some reason, that I do answer it.  It was my old personal trainer from about 5 years ago. She is coming back to the gym I belong to and offered me a free session. I booked it on the spot for this next Thursday.  That phone call gave me a little bit of hope that some how I can turn all this around. I want to be strong, I want to have muscle, I want to be healthy and full of energy.  The only person in my life that has ever told me I can't do this is myself and I know I can do this. Do I need help? Obviously!