Let's test you for that...

My first training session was two days ago. It was suppose to be just some measurements and mobility testing.  We spent some time catching up it had been over 5 years since we last worked out together. I was seeing her when I found out I was pregnant with my youngest, I started this whole blog after I had him so I've never talked about her. The last time I saw her I wasn't willing to listen. She wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know and I was just annoyed most the time I was at the gym.  I am surprised she reached out to me when she came back but I am very glad she did. I am in a very different place than I was 5 years ago, well not physically but mentally I am.

We looked at my body fat percentage and I learned that I have 75 lbs of fat on my body and that according to the scale at the gym I need to lose 53 lbs, 45 of that will be fat and 8 of it will be lean body mass.  She said that when you have as much weight to lose as I do, losing some lean body mass is inevitable. Also that I can't lose all my body fat because that wouldn't be healthy, but we are going to get me down to 24% body fat, I am right around 43% right now.   We got done with all the assessments early and had time for "part of a workout".  Well it wasn't even a whole work out and I can hardly walk.  Granted I think we did the majority of the leg portion of the work out but no upper body but still!  As we were scheduling my second appointment I wanted to keep on making appointments and she seemed a little surprised I was so eager to just sign up for training. But hubby had agreed that I can do what I need to do, and I know I need this!

During some of our visiting she asked me why am I ready to finally make the change now? My response was something that I don't know if I've really admitted to myself. I told her because what Drs had once said was a possible concern in the future has turned into lets test you for that.  I am now on blood pressure meds and with high blood pressure & Type 2 diabetes running in my family I am now to the age where I can't keep on putting this off. She asked if my Dr recommended that I diet and exercise to help with my blood pressure and I told her nope.  And she shook her head and said they never seem too.

I am now excited and scared all at the same time.  The last time I put this kind of money out for something weight loss related was the last time I lost weight. I feel more obligated to this than just my gym membership this is allot of extra money and I feel more concerned about not doing it.  I am making a serious investment in myself for these work outs and I need to not waste them by eating the calories I burn, like I did with my half marathon training.

200 sticks of butter

I know I've talked about this before but it came up again and it is such a vivid explanation, I wanted to share it again.  The other day Hubby and I were talking about the weight we both need to lose. He started the conversation, he just completed the STP (Seattle to Portland bike ride) for the 4th year and the 2nd time he has done it in about a 15 hr period of time. Every year he says I need to lose ____ lbs by next STP. He was talking about how he has about 30 lbs to lose and I told him I have allot more than that. I need to lose 50 lbs, as we drove I was trying to visualize the weight I need to lose. I often try to justify the fact that so many people need to lose so much more than I do. Watching people on shows like Extreme Weight Loss and Biggest Loser make me feel like I'm not SO bad.  I remembered that 4 sticks of butter is a pound and about looks like fat.  I started doing the math in my head 4x50=200.  I then exclaimed to my husband that I have 200 sticks of butter to lose.  I then tried imagining attaching 200 sticks of butter to my body. I don't even know how I would go about doing it.  If I consider that I have minimal fat on my arms and legs that means I probably have 85% of my "sticks of butter" from my double chin to my gut.  I told hubby I wanted to go buy 200 sticks of butter so I could take a picture of it for motivation and this blog post of course, he laughed and said no. LOL!  But that is what I have all over my body and organs. It makes me feel kind of sick about it all.  This thought process really sent me into a downward spiral of feeling awful about myself. I started beating myself up: How could you let yourself get to this point, You just keep failing, If you would have stuck to something you wouldn't be having this conversation with yourself.  This was all making me depressed and feeling extreamely self-conscious, making me want to shut down and not see anyone or do anything.

Then out of the blue I got a phone call. I didn't recognize the number so I normally don't answer but hubby insisted, for some reason, that I do answer it.  It was my old personal trainer from about 5 years ago. She is coming back to the gym I belong to and offered me a free session. I booked it on the spot for this next Thursday.  That phone call gave me a little bit of hope that some how I can turn all this around. I want to be strong, I want to have muscle, I want to be healthy and full of energy.  The only person in my life that has ever told me I can't do this is myself and I know I can do this. Do I need help? Obviously!

5 of the diet lies we tell ourselves.....

If you're like me, we have our goto reasons/excuses or the lies we tell ourselves that allow us to cheat on, quit or just not start our diets all together.

LIE #1:  I'll start on Monday

We've ALL have said this or used this one.  It is a lie there is no reason you have to wait until Monday. Some even take it a step further that well It's the 20th of the month might as well just start next Month.  For me this lie triggers binge eating and weight gain.  I try to make my weekend before my diet worth it by eating all the foods I will not be able to eat anymore. So I binge on all my favorite fast food and sweets.  Then when I mess up Monday because my cravings are so incredibly strong, after feeding them all weekend, I then wait until next Monday and repeat trying to think of more foods I want to eat before I can't eat them anymore.  There is no better day than TODAY to start. All the  reasons you have to wait until Monday are lies. If you look for them those same excuses they will be there on Monday to try to keep you from starting. So Start NOW!

LIE #2:  I just don't have time to cook healthy meals, I'm just too busy.

This is my go to reason for eating out and not packing my breakfast, lunches or not meal planning at all. I'm a busy working Mom, by the time I get home it's late, I don't want to or have time to cook.  I know from past weight loss success, how important it is to cook and prepare meals at home.  It is simple when you know exactly what is going into your food you know how many calories to track. But the truth is we all have time to eat healthy. The time you spend on your phone or computer alone is enough time to pack your lunch and prepare/cook meals.  Once I was asked to journal my time I spent during the day doing things, anything. The time it takes you go to and from work, time it takes to run you kids about. If I sat down to watch TV you quickly jot down the time you start and then went you leave that & do something else jot down the time. When you pick up your phone, iPad or computer to surf the web or Facebook write down the time.  If you can commit to doing this just for a day it is very eye opening.  It makes you realize how much time you sit on your ass doing nothing. I figured that the time I have after I put the kids to bed, when I usually sit down and spend an hour or so on my computer, is the time I could be pulling out dinner from the freezer for the next day and making my lunch.  We all have time it just means forfeiting some computer or TV time. In the long run preparing your meals will not only save you money but it'll help you on your quest to health. Which would you rather have??? Weight loss or knowing who won biggest loser? 

LIE #3:  It was just a bite I don't need to track it or count it..... Or I know what 5oz looks like I don't need to weigh it, Or that looks like about a cup.

LIES ALL LIES!!! As much as I think that one Hershey kiss won't do any damage, it is that plus the one handful of trail mix, the two bites of Mac & Cheese from my kids plate etc... You add all these things together and it does make a difference. At one of my WW meetings they said that 99% of all plateaus the run into at WW are from not tracking everything thing you snack on, not measuring & weighing your portions.  Another part of the problem comes this with all those low calorie snacks we love to eat. My current obsession is: Boomchickpop Kettle corn. It is only like 70 calories a cup!  Before you know it I've eaten the whole bag, and that defeats the whole only 70 calories a serving. Just cause it is low calorie doesn't mean you don't need to portion it out. But we tell ourselves it's just a bite.  If your struggling with a plateau go back to the basics and weigh, measure and track everything.

LIE #4:  It's not fair that others can eat what ever they want & I can't!!

I am guilty of saying this ALL THE TIME!!!  When we would go out to eat with friends and they order the cheese fries and bloomin onion at Outback and I am ordering my meal light style with no butter, it makes me angry.  I would become so consumed with the fact that I can't and they can, and stay skinny, it would be all I could think about the rest of the meal.  Resulting normally in some binge eating at home that night. Telling myself I was good at dinner I deserve a treat.  But have you really paid attention to the eating habits of thinner people?? If we are honest we know they don't always eat like the do when they go out. They have the moderation thing figured out! So when they go out they are able to because they've chosen to eat healthy the rest of the week.  As I've gotten older I have noticed more and more what people snack on at work.  The people who are thinner and heathy have fruits and veggies they are snacking on. They are eating smaller meals through out the work day, they bring lunches from home.  There are very few people in life that actually can just eat what ever they want with out weight gain. We have to stop telling this lie to our selves, it only causes a pity party that has no real cause.

LIE #5:  I can be happy just the way I am....

I have tried several times to convince myself of this. Telling myself that if I could just be happy this way life would be so much simpler. I think this is one of the most harmful lies I tell myself. I do believe you should love your self where you are and maybe you could be happy but to fool yourself into believing that it is healthy to be overweight is not OK.  I have been diagnosed as "healthy" most of my overweight adult life.  If a Dr. says maybe you need to lose weight most people go off the handle and get all kinds of upset saying can you believe he said that to me?!?!  Because of this the true reason for most of our strange ailments is treated with medications that don't fix the real problem.  I've been dianosed healthy for so long literally over a 2 week period I went from being told I was fine to being put on blood pressure meds.  I was very surprised and upset.  When I questioned them putting me on blood pressure meds for what must have been an isolated event they showed me my records and I've had higher than normal blood pressure for over a year. And because it  seems to be going up they decided it was time to treat it.  The #1 cause of high blood pressure is being overweight. The best way to treat high blood pressure? Diet and exercise... Did anyone ever say anything like that? Nope.  This lie is the one that would cause me to wake up one day with Type 2 Diabetes. This lie is the most dangerous of them all. 

I decided on Thursday enough is enough it is time to start TODAY!! So even with the 4th being just a couple days later I started tracking everything I ate.  I've singed up for two 5K's and am starting the C25K program again. As hard as running was and as much as I hated it at times, I am starting to really miss the way it made me feel.