It just keeps getting better

Yesterday I got up and got dressed as if I was in High School. My work is having "Spirit" days and it was dress up as your favorite decade day. I chose the 90's. I really enjoyed High School.  G

High School was before I needed medication for my depression or anxiety, before I started emotional eating, before I gained all my weight. For the last 3 weeks I have been depression and anxiety FREE!! I feel 100% like the real me, and I haven't felt that way in quite a while. For years, dare I say over a decade, there have been glimpses of me but my depression and anxiety has kept her at bay.  I don't sit around worrying and obsessing. Just a little over a month ago if I was sitting around to much I would fall into the trap of starting to think to much and start digging myself into the depths of depression.  I've been on medication off and on for years and even with that it never seemed to go completely away.  It helped and made my quality of life way better but it still wasn't the 100% the me that hubby fell in love with all those years ago. And he noticed it the most cause while out in public or with friends I could bring myself to the surface but underneath there was always the struggle.  My "normal" was living in a constant state of fear, and worry.  And it has been 100% GONE for 3 whole weeks!!!

What did I do different you maybe asking yourself.  That is the greatest part of all......absolutely NOTHING!!  No new medication or upped dosage, no new routine, no new exercise, stress in my life didn't all of a sudden disappear.  For years I've been on meds, tried avoiding certain foods, exercising all these things they say help with anxiety and depression and I never saw results like I have had for the last few weeks. This is a 100% God thing.  I don't know how or why but after years of prayer that God would take away these debilitating issues He finally did.  I am giving all the glory to God because there is no other explanation for it.

I've even had no weight loss results from the cleanse phase of the 24 day challenge.  And I am eating the right foods but I might be over eating the allowed foods. In the past 7 days of dieting w/o results would have thrown me into a downward spiral.  I would have been cranky this whole week and that hasn't happened either.  I am feeling optimistic about it all.  Taking it in a realizing ok I really do need to track and just can't do it with the simply filling plan where I just eat the safe foods, I find myself snacking all day long on them.  So time to get back to tracking and the Points Plus system with WW.  I am going to continue with the vitamin supplements of the 24 day challenge but going back to the WW food plan. I know it works so might as well go back to it and keep moving forward.  I don't have that urge to go on a major binge, I don't have the urge to just mope around. I am excited to finally start going to the gym on a regular basis and can't wait to get an exercise routine going.

So onward we go, into new work out plans and back to Points Plus!!

If I had only known it would have taken 13.1 miles

I am on day 4 of my 24 day Challenge and things are going just good, like really good.  The only thing I've been doing to much of is having to much of my low fat popcorn as a snack but other than that. I am not cranky about dieting at all.  We went to Starbucks for breakfast the other morning and I wanted my normal Bacon and Gouda breakfast sandwich and passion tea lemonade w/ sweetener and my order included both of these items but the Passion tea was for my oldest and the sandwich for my hubby. I ordered a water and the protein power pack and at the hardboiled egg and fruit out of that. Who am I???  It is so interesting and different this time around. Every time I feel a little frustrated and craving some junk, I just shake it off.  I shake my head and say no and that is the end of it.

The 10 day cleanse of the 24 day challenge has changed from fiber drink 6 days(3 at the beginning and 3 at the end) to all 10 days.  I was a little concerned because I have to gag the stuff down. Like I throw it up back in to my mouth while drinking it and have to swallow it again. But this is the new unflavored stuff and it is amazing! I drink it just with water and have no problems drinking it at all.  I've eaten out only once in the last 4 days and I special ordered so everything was on my diet.  I am actually looking forward to completing this. I have been behind on taking before pics and measurements but i haven't lost much weight yet, so still time for that.

I told BFF I think I am going to eventually have to blog about how after I ran my first half marathon I finally was successful at losing weight.  If I had only know it would have taken 13.1 miles to get this going, I might have done a half marathon long ago.  But I believe in God's perfect timing and I may not have been ready mentally before now to complete a half marathon.  Saying I did it still brings a little feeling of shock and awe. And I can't get over the feeling that after that having to not eat certain foods isn't that big of a deal.

Time for another challenge....

I've always been able to do anything I've put my mind to. I just normally don't feel like putting gin the effort into things. With Half Marathon training behind me I am thinking it is time for my next challenge. I have ordered the full 24 day challenge from Advocare. I've done the cleanse in the past (days 1-10) but never the whole 24 day challenge.  I am curious to see what my results will be after completing the full 24 days. My desire to cling to the option to cheat always brings me back to weight watchers. I love weight watchers because I believe they teach you how to eat in real life. HOWEVER, with WW I binge one to two days a week. Every start of each new week I eat all my weekly points in 3 days tops. That also doesn't include the activity points from all my long runs I was eating as well. I was getting what seemed to be a ridiculous amount of activity points, it was basically like they were giving me all the calories I'd burned back to me in points.That kind of defeats the purpose of working out.

The 24 day challenge has calls for no refined sugars & no white starches. Lean proteins, fruits, veggies and whole grains. So basically the WW simply filling plan but with Vitamin packs for days 11-24.  The hardest thing for me will be to just cut out all the junk. with the normal WW plan I still had access to the junk as long as I counted the points. I am thinking that at least for the 24 day challenge I will cut it all out.  That should help me break some of these bad habits and then I can go back to the normal WW plan and be using my weekly points smarter.  I know I can do this but it is going to take some work and yeah it is going to suck for about the first 4-5 days.  I seem to remember the 5 day is when I started getting easier last time I did the cleanse. I keep on returning to Advocare products because they are truly amazing.  Incase anyone wants to join me here is a link to my website: Build your own 24 day challenge

BEWARE..... The 24 day challenge calls for measurements so the next post may include new before pics as well.

Half Marathons and Child Birth

They say after child birth your body releases a hormone to make you forget the pain so that you'll be willing to have children again.  Both of my boys were born via c-section and the 13 hrs of labor I had with my oldest really wasn't that bad. BFF always says she compares things to child birth. She says I gave birth, I can do this, this is nothing compared to that.  With her Daughter there was no time for an epidural and she had this moment of Nope I can't do this, the baby is going to have to stay inside. She had to push thru that mental and emotional wall and push that little girl out.

I've never been in a situation where I haven't had an option to back out or choose the easy way and I always take it.   To me a c-section was the easy way and when the Dr. said it I was very willing to sign that paperwork.  Even as a child, in my parents attempt to protect me I was always given an way out of anything that scared me or was difficult. Anxiety runs in my family and so mine was nurtured, if anything made me feel uneasy or anxious I didn't have to do it.  I have never had a situation where I did something I thought wasn't possible and had to push thru and continue when I didn't want to.

Now I have Mile 10. At mile 10 I wanted to quit, sit curled up in a ball and just sob, there was no reason for me to continue, everything in my brain was telling me you can't do this, you've never done this. To the point that I had justified why I shouldn't keep going.  It took more than I had in me to keep going.  I was praying that God would just keep my legs moving and keep the vomit down. No one forced me to keep going, no one would blame me for quitting. If any of my family would have seen me at mile 10 they would have told me to just stop.  But I didn't stop, I push thru that mental and emotional wall and I didn't think it was possible. Even still I am surprised that I did it. I am sure the pain of childbirth is much worse than running a half marathon. But I find that the mental/emotional wall to be very similar, and then there is that hormone that is released that I talked about.........

I mentioned in my last post that the Tinker Bell Half Marathon was the hardest thing I've EVER done.  While it was a blast while in the park, I swore I would NEVER EVER do another half again!
Yet here I am less than a week out and I find myself thinking: it might have been not so horrible if I had stuck to training. Our Annual passes are good thru next years Tinker Bell Half and the 10K is so easy maybe the Pixie Dust Challenge wouldn't be too hard.  Maybe next year..... WAIT WHAT???? What is wrong with me?!?! I must be losing my mind!!

 

Tinker Bell Half Marathon (long post lots of pics)

Where do I begin??? I have been planning and preparing for this day for almost a year. I signed up last August scared out of my mind. Started training, failed at training, restarted training, suffered anxiety attacks, injury's and many tears, but after all is said and done, I DID IT!!

An FYI for my readers: BFF had a recent bicycle accident. She was on a bike ride and went across some trolly tracks and they grabbed her bike wheel and stopped her bike but not her. So she flew off her bike and literally broke her face. She had a follow up appointment with a Dr three days before our Half Marathon. She was told she should not run at ALL if she must do it she must walk it.  I told hubby this may be a very good thing for me because her fast walk is my jog.  She has already blogged about This half and said that she believed it happened for a reason because she was able to to stay with me the whole run which is good because I needed her with me but we'll get to that....

The night before we left for Disneyland I only had 1 1/2 hrs of sleep and we were up early and to the airport for our early flight. Spent all day at Disneyland and the park was open until midnight. We ended up staying until about 10PM and headed back to our room. I was unable to sleep and was so nervous about the next morning. I set everything out so I could sleep in as long as possible. Ended up with only 3 hours of sleep that night.

The next morning came so are early and so quickly, I was up eating my breakfast, Hubby got up and helped me get ready and I felt absolutely ill.  As we waited for our corrals turn to start we watched the sun rise.

My before pic is much more chipper than my after.
BFF needed her coffee still, lol!

                  

By the time we crossed the start line it was a little over an hour after the official start and fireworks. We crossed the start line and the first 6 miles was a party!  They were mostly all on Disney property, in the park and "back stage".  I loved being back stage and seeing everything I don't normally get to see. Music was everywhere, cast members & Characters were everywhere cheering us on.  It was impossible not to enjoy every second of those first 6 miles. Besides being back stage one of my favorite things that happened was when a group of cast members in a backstage area that noticed my shirt and started cheering for Baymax(me!). I threw my arms up and BFF was laughing as the cheers continued. I couldn't be even more happy with my outfit choice. The cheers for "Baymax" happened more than once on our 13.1 miles.  At one point some said "You are fast Baymax! You can do this!", LOL!! Here are some pics from the first 6 miles.

Carsland

Lighting & Mater

Backstage 

Tinkerbell

Jogging thru Fantasyland

Dancing by Tower of Terror

 

We exited the parks into Downtown Disney and then we made the dreaded turn of silence.  After mile six we entered residential area and there were signs everywhere staying "SHHHHH Neighbors Sleeping"

And so began the quietest 2 miles of my life.  No music, no cheering, no talking between runners. It sucked the life out of you. We went from super High energy to silence.  I could start to feel a blister forming on my foot and my toe and my bra starting to rub my skin raw.  By the time we got past the 2 miles of silence and we were coming upon cheering sections for us again I wasn't doing well.  BFF had warned me that after mile 10 everything was different.  I thought I will be fine because there is only a 5K left at that point and I can do that, I was VERY wrong.

We were just about to hit mile 10 and I started sobbing. BFF asked if I was going to be sick and I told her between sobs that I was just freaking out.  I felt like I cried for the whole next mile.  We had pacers telling us how far ahead of pace required to finish we were, and it was slowly slipping away from us. At one point we were 8 mins ahead, after two potty breaks we were down to 3 min a head of pace then my freak out mile took us to only 1 1/2 mins ahead of pace. At this point the tram that picked people up who can't finish, was in sight. It was still a ways away but we could see it, which only made my freak out worse.  We passed the Cliff sponsored water stop and they were handing out Cliff energy shots. I hate them but BFF made me take one saying I would thank her in a mile. It did not seem to work!! I am not sure if it was the energy shot, exhaustion or nerves but I felt like I was going to puke for entire the next 3 miles.  I just wanted to stop or at least slow it way down.  The thought of getting this far just to fail started haunting me. I don't remember saying anything the rest of the run. Mile 12 we were back onto the park property and I thought that would help but this last mile felt impossible. The fact that it was another 1.1 miles just made me sick.  Here is where I don't think I could have done it with out BFF. She took my hand and literally kept me going for the last 1.1 miles.  I would let go every now and then to jog a little but then I would start to walk and her hand would come back to grab mine to make sure I didn't slow down to much. Mile 13 wasn't even exciting for me cause I still had point freaking one to go.  Then we could see the finish and I could feel it welling up inside me.

Then it happened we finished and I started sobbing the ugliest cry you have ever seen. Unfortunately marathonfoto.com has proof of it as well, I didn't post that one. I had done it! I had carried myself on my own two feet for 13.1 miles and earned my finisher medal. It was the hardest thing I have ever done! I have had two babies but both via c-section so when I say this is the hardest thing I've ever done I mean EVER!

At 10 miles I was certain it was over and there was no way I could continue. My brain was screaming at me to stop, that it wasn't possible to finish, you've never done it before, you didn't train enough, you did well and more than most people would ever think of doing, it's ok if you don't finish.  My muscles were fine, my asthma was fine, my feet were throbbing, I was pretty sure the chaffing from my bra had broken my skin but there was no reason my body couldn't go another 3.1 miles.  That was the most difficult 5K of my life and I am including my first one.  One year ago on Mothers Day I did my first 5K and a year later on Mother's Day I completed my first Half Marathon. 

After we got our medals they handed out, snacks, cold towels & bags of ice and we sat down. I was so glad it was done. I called my parents and hubby to let them know I was done and I could still barely talk with out starting to sob again. It was about 10AM at this point and my boys were eagerly waiting to go back to Disneyland. We limped back to my hotel to shower. I got to the hotel and verified that my skin along my bra had ripped open around almost half my body, The blister on my foot is the biggest blister I've ever had and 3 days later and it still hurt.  I showered got some food in me that made me feel better because I was feeling nauseated still.  It is safe to say I haven't figured out how to fuel properly on a long distance run. I shouldn't feel so nauseated. My orginal walk/run training plan by Jeff Galloway had me running 14 miles before the half and I didn't want to run a half marathon before my Half Marathon event. Hal Higdon only has you run up to 10 miles and that is the training I ended up doing but I now understand why Jeff's training has you do more.  I would have known how to deal with the mental and emotional wall I hit at 10 miles.  I would have figured out fueling better because I would have ran further than 10 miles for 4 of my training runs. But you live and learn.  I've told every one NEVER AGAIN!! The 10K's they offer would be great cause that was just one big party, I'd do that again no problem. Hubby told me to Never say Never.  I still don't know if I'll ever do another Half Marathon again.  If I did I would like to be in better shape and do more training on miles past the 10 mile wall. I guess we'll see, there could be another half in my future just not any time soon.

We wore our medals all day at the park and so many people congratulated us on our Half.  I spent a late night at the park with hubby while my parents took my kids back to the room and put them to bed. By the end of the night I was feeling so exhausted. I calculated that in the last 65 hours I had only had 4.5 hrs of sleep and had done my first half marathon. 

My fitbit told me ended up with at almost 27 miles for the day. Total miles for the entire trip Disneyland was just over 45 miles.  I've been home for two days and my feet are finally starting to not hurt any more. My blister is trying to go away and my bra line is all scabbed up and healing. I expected my muscles to be much sorer than they are but they haven't been bad at all.  Literally every morning since the Half, I remind myself that I did it.  I still can't believe I did it.  Thinking about 13.1 miles still seems and feels impossible, but I did it!