My favorite thing is coming up…Insert sarcasm

Well next week my schedule changes at work and I do NOT like change. I have anxiety & panic issues and this is one of my main triggers….change. OH JOY!! Since my oldest was 6 months old I've have worked three days a week and have had two days off in a  row to spend time with my boys.  I now I have to work everyday.  This is a big change for me and the idea that my youngest will be asking when "Mommy Day" is just kills me.  He already asks it every day. "Good morning is this a Mommy Day?" When I tell him I have to go to work the sadness that comes over me just breaks my heart.  I've had lots of long talks w/ DH about what our next step is.  It is to continue pressing on towards our goals. I can't control the future or change what I haven't done in the past.

I let so much of the past stand in my way.  I let failures from my past weigh into what my choices are for my future, and that really complicates things.  I've been feeling like I haven't been making any headway on my goals and I file this all in the failure folder I have in my brain.  Our brain is unable to determine sarcasm, lies or exsagerations from the truth.  So everything we say to ourselves our brains considers truth and then it will gather all and any info to prove what you have told it to be true. For example lets say you have a an experience where you were made fun of when you sang. You then create a file in your brain that you can't sing. The rest of your life, unless you train it otherwise, your brain gathers "facts" to support that you are a bad singer. Every time your voice cracks, every time you're singing and someone near by makes a face. These things must certainly be part of the fact that you can't sing.  When truly you may be able to sing but you have trained your brain so far in the other direction that it's not even an option anymore. Same then when we tell our brains things such as we are fat or we are a failure. Our brain will continue to search for "facts" to prove that this is truth.

Can we retrain our brain, yes we can. But it takes hard work and allot of positive self talk.  I always feel  a little crazier than normal when I am running. I reach this point where my brain starts to make a deal with me. Telling me you did great! It's ok to stop early, You've run for 25 mins w/o stopping before what is this 10 mins going to prove.  Just take a walk break, your half marathon training recommends to find at interval that works for you and so you may never need to run 10 mins w/o a walk break.  At this point I have to, literally at times, shake it off and start the positive self talk. Telling myself how awesome I am, you can do this, you've done it before. You're not a quitter. And I repeat this stuff over and over and over until my running interval is done.  You can't change the past but you can prevent it from effecting your future.