Day 5, short post

Day 5 DONE!!!  I don't want to jinx it but today seemed better.  I was frustrated today when things came up that mess up my plans for dinner. The natural instinct to pick up fast food always comes to mind. It is like well dang it I don't have time to cook now what? Tonights answer was a precooked rotisserie chicken from Costco and steamed broccoli.  I have also been using pop corn as a snack every night to help the hunger and night time munchies.   BFF says we should try to not use it because of the sodium but so far it has been my go to night time snack.

Cleanse Day 4 and the Fair: fighting cravings.

This morning I was working a booth at the fair for my work. I packed my lunch and left trying to mentally prepare for the wonderful smells I would be encountering. I managed to make it thru my shift successful. I ate my fruit for snack, my sandwich for lunch I got a corn on the cob w/o butter from the fair.  In a change of plans my Mom decided to bring my boys and my nieces up to the fair when I got off after all. I had felt bad that they weren't coming so I talked my Mom into it.  The kids did great and we had a great time. However this lead to some unplanned time at the fair. So we were there 3 hours later than normal. 5 hours since my lunch.  I reached the point of being starving cause I am eating way less & more often than normal because of the cleanse.  So 5 hrs with out food is a really long time!! The smells quickly became intoxicating.  From the Elephant Ears, the BBQ, the burgers covered in onions. And then someone walked by with most amazing looking chili cheese fries. AAUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!! Greasy food is my weakness and it keeps on throwing it's self at me!!

My kids were having a sleep over with their cousins tonight so that involved, guess what, more pizza.  More greasy goodness in my house.  With as difficult as this has been I am now to the point where I am thinking this has been way to much work to screw it up now.  I keep on hoping it'll get better and it isn't yet.  The longest I've ever made it on this cleanse is 4 days some tomorrow marks a new record maybe the magic of the lack of cravings will start to happen because so far I am feeling it.

I was thinking about cravings.  When we are pregnant our body can actually crave things because of the nutrition needs of our bodies. But I thought I bet that isn't what it normally means. I mean we use the word all the time. So I looked it up.

craving: noun
              A powerful desire for something

So then I looked up desire

desire: noun
             a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wish for something to happen.

And lets take it one step deeper.

feeling: noun
              An emotional state of reaction

So our cravings 99% of the time have NOTHING to do with what our body actual needs. Do I believe our bodies can crave things because we are lacking something. Yes but 99% of the time a craving for particular food all comes back down to emotion. Our emotions telling our minds what we want. Not about hunger, not about vitamins just what the mind wants.  Somethings are addictive like carbs & chocolate.  However it is addictive because of the way they make us feel. They both cause your body to releases endorphins and they make us happy. So when we think: I am so craving chocolate right now or I am craving something carby like pasta. We are really just craving happiness.

Day 3, It took everything I had to day to not say screw it...

Day 3 of the cleanse today.  Morning wasn't so bad but when I got off work early this afternoon all Hell broke lose.  I got home and my Mom, who watches my kids and my brothers kids, had, had it. She was done she said my youngest was very emotional all day.(my work schedule change has been hard on him) While at work I had had a feeling that my Advocare order wouldn't show up and & if the cleanse doesn't show up why continue?  I was just sure that after yesterday when I was handed Free Tortilla chips yesterday (see yesterdays blog post Here) surly the world must be out for me to fail this.   I get home to emotional kids but see that my order arrived. YAY!! Relieved, I open it to find I somehow ordered the WRONG THING!!!  The cleanse comes with a fiber drink and I some how managed to order ONLY the fiber drink.  I need to cleanse tablets and probiotic that comes with the cleanse to actually complete the cleanse! Remember to start the cleanse when I did I borrowed half of my BFF's cleanse. So I needed it not only for me to finish but so she could finish as well. The only solution is go to a friends that keeps this stuff on hand at her work about 30 miles away. So I tell my emotional children that we need to go for a ride in not just rush hour traffic but everyone trying to leave town for Labor Day traffic. There were tears shed and they were starving because it was almost dinner time. My kids are not like normal kids. They eat NO fast food, not because I won't let them but simply because they don't like it and won't try it.  So hungry kids isn't an easy fix. And we need to go grocery shopping.

I have 1 hr to drive 30 miles in heavy traffic but we need to stop at the grocery store for a pre dinner snack for the long drive. Then after a quick stop there we jump on the freeway.  I was so frustrated and had a well just screw it I wan to go get my favorite greasy cheese burger from Dick's with a big diet pepsi. So I am trying to keep the positive self talk going but it's not going well. We are in traffic, running late and my gas light comes on. Great now I am not only running late in traffic but I am running out of gas. Then my gps tells me to get off the freeway I have like 6 mins left before she is suppose to leave. So I am thrilled that we are getting off and then as soon as I get off it realizes oooppps I've made a mistake get back on the freeway. Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME???  There are only 5 Dick's Dive ins and in this little mishap takes me right by one. This must be a sign to just give up.  I am ready to call and say don't wait for me I can't make it. I am ready to give up on day 3 again. I mean my greasy reward for quitting is right next to me.  It took everything I had in me to not stop.  We get to the place 10 mins late but she was gracious enough to wait for us. Then back in the car to start the trek home. Our route homes takes us right by another Dick's Drive in and I am so frustrated and starving.  The boys then start declaring that they are starving too. So they may not eat fast food but they will eat pizza I spot a Little Caesar's  and pull in. No pizza's are hot and ready so we have to wait and I go to pay and my Debit card is MIA.  I just used it to get gas so I know I have it but it is no where to be found. I use a stupid credit card for a $5 pizza. Once back to the car I see my debit card on the floor, must have fallen out of my purse. Now my car smells heavenly. Hot, yummy pizza sitting in my passenger seat. My kids don't eat crust so the normal thing is once they are done w/ a piece they pass me the crust to eat. I put each crust back in the box and resisted the carby yumminess.  By the time we got home it has been 2 1/2 hrs. I could almost be to the Ocean for 2 1/2 hrs.  And it is now to late to cook my spaghetti squash spaghetti.  I had called DH on the way home and begged him to go pick up dinner.  I had him get teriyaki chicken breast w/ grilled veggies. It may have been more sugar then I am suppose to have but it is a lot better than the cheese burger I passed up not once but TWICE today!

All this and I some how managed to stay on track. However at this point I am still wondering if this is all going to be worth it.  Tomorrow I have another battle coming my way.  I work at the Fair tomorrow and I will be smelling all the amazing fair food for 4 hours.

Cleanse Day 2 & the Tortilla chips

Today has gone OK. I am cranky and want my greasy food. When ever I start dieting a trip to Dick's (a local burger place) is always one of the first places I go when I think I deserve a treat.  I love my greasy cheese burger and fries.  I just wish there was a way to make that healthy. LOL!! It is my ultimate comfort food. Tonight in hopes to curb my desire to eat said greasy food I picked one of my favorite diet meals Taco Salad! So full of flavor and delicious.  Normally I put crushed up tortilla chips in my salad but that is a no no for the cleanse.  So I decided I just won't buy any chips DH will not have chips either.  So I am walking around the grocery store and just about check out and a lady working at the grocery store comes up and gives me a free bag of tortilla chips. We are talking a full size bag of yummy delicious tortilla chips, are you freaking kidding me????  They had coupons that were good for the face value of the chips so they were giving them away and the coupon was with the cashier. But I am proud to say that I stood strong and didn't sprinkle the deliciousness on my salad.

Today also marked the second use of my new shoes and I found myself in pain yet again!!! So it thought screw this I need to run. So I put on my old shoes and got back on the treadmill. WTHeck same thing!!!  I was confused until I thought, could it be my new socks? I got new running socks from REI and they have major padding on the heel and from the ball of the foot forward. So put on different socks and put on my new shoes and problem solved. Yet I was already in pain from before so I just go a mile in.  I have two off days of running.  I am going to attempt to try again tomorrow. I have been finding myself in my head to much. Thinking about my muscles hurting to much cause that makes you want to stop running.   So I need to get out of my head.  And why must the first 10-15 mins of running suck so much?? I think this must be a universal thing in running. I can't seem to find a groove until after my legs have been moving for a while. I've always been anti-warmup before events. At the Run A Muk, there were people running before the run.  I was like they are stupid and crazy. Why would you run before the run?? I mean why add more miles?  I am so concerned with completing the miles for the event already I couldn't imagine running more miles before.  But the more I run the more I am finding the first 10 mins is always: I'm dying, I need to stop, this is stupid, why am I doing this?? After that the grove is found. Maybe that is why running outside can be so much better than the treadmill because you always have to come back home. You can't just press stop on get off. Where 10 mins in you are 10 mins from home. I think I need to find another 2 mile route since my last one I found was so hilly.

No pop, sugar or white starches O_O

Well 4th times a charm right??  Yesterday I was thinking about how I've been feeling like crap lately and how nothing I ate seemed to satisfy me anymore.  I thought I could go one of two ways with this either I am going to keep on eating to try to get the satisfaction I am looking for, and possibly really start over eating a lot.  Or I can stop the madness and start changing what I eat.  What is a better way to start the change than a cleanse.  This is the 10 day cleanse from Advocare. Advocare is an amazing company with amazing health, weight loss & fitness supplement products.  They offer a 24 day challenge that has amazing results. Everyone I know that has done it has lost like MAJOR weight and felt amazing afterwards.  The first 10 days of the challenge is the cleanse phase.  I have started this phase 3 times before and each and every time I've stopped by day 2, 3 & 4.  So I texted my BFF & said I think I am really ready for cleanse this time I feel like I am ready to make the commitment and complete it this time.  I was very excited and motivated. Then she texted me back and said I am starting the cleanse tomorrow!!! EEEEEEE!!! What perfect timing. See my BFF has lost the majority of her weight w/ Advocare, she just started bloging again so If you'd like to see her before and after pics check her blog out: http://kimsnewenergy.blogspot.com.  It is good to cleanse your body about every 90 days as long as you're using a cleanse that is healthy. Some cleanses out there are not & I beg you to do your research before you just start one.

The Advocare 10 day cleanse consist of cutting out basically anything processed, dairy & fat. So it is all about whole foods, lots of fruits and veggies and lean proteins. Oh so that isn't so bad right.  Well then you have to drink this awful, horrible fiber drink.

This stuff is thick and it gets thicker the longer it sits so you have to drink it fast!! People like my Mom can drink it and it's no big deal but I have a terrible gag reflex so I literally end up re-swallowing this stuff a couple times.  Now the point of the cleanse is to get all the crap out of your system. It helps remove the cravings. On the plus side you only have to drink this 6 days of the 10 day cleanse. first 3 and last 3. But I have yet to make it to the last 3.  In the past I was viewing it as it was suppose to be a jump start to weight loss and when I'd hit day 3 and have lost nothing, I'd quit.  Now most people do experience weight loss while on this that is why it is a start of the 24 day challenge. Anyways, This time I am doing it to feel better. I am actually doing it because I want the cleanse aspect of it not the weight loss aspect of it.  So as horrible the drink was today, I wasn't hungry until after dinner and then I got super cranky.  One day down and 9 more to go.

In other news I tried out my new shoes today and I have good news and bad news. The good news is the new shoes did fix my feet and shin pain.  The bad news I am not working different muscles. HOLY COW!!  I didn't even make it a mile because both of my calfs hurt so bad I had to stop.  I got on my treadmill and figured lets test these babies out and after my warm up walk I hit the 5 and started going. That is fast for me.  I noticed the shoes are allot heavier and then I notices that my quads were doing fine but my calves were feeling the run. I have wondered about my calves the whole time I've been running because normally my calves build up to be very muscular very quickly and they are still not where I imagined they would be with all the miles I am putting on them. And now I know why.  When my feet pronating I wasn't using those muscles very much. So tomorrow I am going to run again but not go all out. Take a little more time warming up and go at a slower pace. But here is a pic of my pretty new shoes! :-)  

Running a Muk and Braving the running store

This last Saturday was a 5K called Run A Muk.  It went through some amazing neighborhoods that have great views of the water but my oh my was I in pain.  I don't know why either I found myself aching w/ each step. I couldn't find a groove until about 2 & 1/2 miles in.  Here are some pics before and after.

My shirt and bib#

Before with the puget sound in the back round

After with my Mom. Her first 5K since Susan G Komen

It was only a 5K, this is my 5th 5K in the last year and I was in more pain today than I have ever been in running.  Perhaps it was because of the outside run I did a couple days before. But I came home and was in pain not moving.  Really sitting on the couch did me no good, in pain the whole time.  Took a nap and kept on waking up in pain & all this after I took some pain meds too.  I had to break out DH's plastic leg roller thing he uses for his bike rides.

OUCH!!!!!!

All this pain had me thinking.  I had blister and pain after the Susan G Komen and we walked that 5K.  So I decided it has to be the combination of my shoes and the concrete.  I was ok on the sand at the Beach and my treadmill but the last 3 times on the road and I am in so much pain.  I've known for a while that I needed new shoes and my BFF and I were going to go together some time after she got back from her vacation.  I need to do more runs outside and with the Warrior Dash only two weeks away I am not afraid to run in my current shoes but I can't stop training.  So I decided to brave the running store alone.  *GULP*  

Getting ready to go to the running store was stressful.  I was concerned about what I was wearing, what they would think of me, will they really make me run???  I was super nervous and was surprised at how nervous I was. I decided I just needed to do this and get over it. We got there and I brought my current shoes with me. The guy working there asked how he could help me and I was upfront and honest. I said well I am a beginner runner, less than 6 months. And my shoes are NOT working. I am having pain when ever I am running on the road.  He said OK great and asked to my old shoes.  He then asked me to walk back and fort down this walk way they have. He then asked me to do a half squat and then take turns putting all my weight on one foot than the next. He told me I do pronate not sure if it was under or over. Here is a pic of what that means.

He asked my shoe size & I told him 5-6. Then he said ok I'll be right back.  He came out with 3 different types of Brooks. He started asking me about what I was training for and seemed excited for me about the Tinker Bell Half.  He we put two different shoes on each foot then kept the one I liked best and tried again with the next pair.  With each unmatched pair he had me repeat the same things I did bare foot but he also had me jog up and down this walk way once w/ each pair. He and I agreed that the ones I felt most supported in. My heel felt like it was slipping a bit because the shoes felt big and so he special lead them at the top and BAM no more heel slipping.  I told him they still felt a little bigger than I was used to and that is when he shocked me.  He had put me in size 7 shoes. I think my jaw actually hit the floor because he started explaining to me why. He told my Brooks run a little small and especially as a new runner I need the extra room for my foot to swell & extend and that getting this larger size will prevent me from losing a toe nail. I am terrified to lose a toe nail so this was very good news. They have a 30 day return policy so I am going to put in some good runs and make sure they are working right.  As I checked out he told me all the people who work there are runners and have ran marathons and not to hesitate to come by if I needed any advice for my training.  I was really surprised at how the whole experience was. I was expecting to be laughed out the store but not only were they interested in my goals, training and making sure I was wearing the right stuff but told me to come back even if it was just for advice.

Let's talk cars..

When I say race car you probably picture nascar cars or indy race cars.  When I think race car I think more of a sleeper car.  This is a car that isn't a professional race car but a normal car that can haul ass down the quarter mile like this…

Some of you are shocked that a VW bug could go that fast but it all comes down to what you put in it.
So even though this may not be a professional nascar car this is still performance car.  I used to own a Red Honda Civic Si and I wanted it to up it's performance so it was a no brainer, you change the stuff you put in it.  Can a car race with regular oil & gas? Sure it can but you'll probably over heat and run into engine issues.  When a car is being pushed as hard as it can to get down that quarter mile as fast as it can. The fluids we put in it play such a vital part to keep that engine running at it's best.

I grew up in a house where we only took care of our cars when something was wrong. The oil wasn't changed regularly and slowly but surly all our cars would have some many problems we'd have to stop driving them all together.  Then there was my husband's family.  They are very meticulous about car care and all their cars seem to just keep going and going and going.

Now if you haven't figured out where this is going I will explain.  To make my car run better I know I to put better products in it: synthetic oil, premium gas.  What is our bodies but a machine.  Yeah our bodies can live on fast food but we all know it runs better on healthier food. So can you run or work out on crappy processed foods? Sure you can, but will you run into issues with your energy and stamina? Yes.  It seem so simple and and that we know how to take care of a race cars by making sure we put high quality fluids and parts in.  Yet I know I am not the only athlete in training out there that isn't fueling their bodies correctly. Any foods can keep our motors going. But people who eat healthy decrease the risk of many illnesses, increasing the length and quality of there lives. Just like a car that gets the best oil and fluids on a regular basis.

If a car isn't running right the first thing we check is the fluids and what we've put into the car. When our bodies aren't running right we go the doctor and they run tests then says well nothings is wrong you're technically healthy. We gladly take that and go on our merry way. But we still know our machines are not running properly and if they keep going this way we will soon have problems that show up on Doctors tests.  A friend of mine said she had all types of issues and her Dr's (I think she said she had 8 total) told her what she has were all chronic problems and just part of her life. She was very overweight, at the time, and none of them said well you need to change your eating habits. She did  change them and lost a total of 173 lbs and these chronic problems have magically gone away. Just more proof that what we put into our bodies is so important to the what we expect to get out of them.

This thought process came about after my race car comment yesterday.  If I plan on continuing to run and race, and I do. I need to start preparing my machine with the proper nutrition. Not only do I firmly believe it will help me lose weight but this is going to help my performance. New question to ask my self when I am choosing what to eat is this fuel going to help my training?  It does finally treat food as fuel instead of pleasure and reward.  I know this is the way we need to treat food but I've never been able to make that connection in my brain because I'd rather eat what I want to eat. I am hoping this new question will be the key to changing the way I think about food.

Today I went outside…..

SO today was like the perfect afternoon for a run. It was sunny, not to hot, not to cold. It was also a running day. So I started toying with the idea of going for a run outside.  I am a treadmill runner. I normally, do not venture outside unless I am doing an event.  So I down loaded an app to help me find a 2 mile route and this app also shows all the elevation of the route you make. You see, I live at the top of a hill and everywhere we go it is downhill or up hill and leaving our house is all down hill. Then everything coming home is up hill. So I made the very educated decision that I was not ready to run around my very hilly neighborhood. I got home and DH insisted that it was perfect to run outside and that I must. He even offered to pull the kids in the bike trailer and ride his bike near me while I ran. So I decided to put aside my exact C210K training, put on my gear & went outside for a run.  That SUCKED!!!!  I felt like I was back on week 3 of my C25K program!! I told DH this is why I don't run outside, I feel like I haven't accomplished anything w/ my training.  Running down hill was full of very hard landings and then running up hill, well lets me honest running up hill didn't happen. The last running day I did my fasted treadmill mile ever at 12:34, the today it took me 32 mins to complete two miles. Now I have to remind myself that I was doing 20-25 min miles when I started so 32 mins for 2 miles is better than where I started from.  And DH's point is a valid one. All these events I sign up for are outside and there are hills so I should be training for them. I have some terrible hills coming at me in just a couple weeks for the warrior dash and I feel that I am not ready for them.  The really crappy thing is that my muscles weren't doing to bad but the whole needing to breath thing, tends to get in my way.   There are so many more variables when running outside; traffic, noises, smells, inclines that are not in your control, other people.  When I am on my treadmill it is just me and my cushioned landing focusing on my breathing alone.  Outside there is some much else to focus one that I have a hard time remembering to focus on my breathing.  At one point I found a rhythm and I had to look down at my feet so I couldn't see anything else around me.  But when your running outside with traffic that doesn't work, so I had to snap out of my groove to pay attention to my surroundings. Again this is another reason practicing outside would be back We made it back home and my legs are a little tight.  So point of this sad tale is that I do need to go outside to run but now I am realizing that to have a average of 14 min mile (my goal for the Tinker bell) I need to be having consistent like 11-12 min miles on the treadmill.   But the one thing the outdoors will always have over the treadmill are the views.

I then started thinking about ways to make my running easier. In addition to training what else can I do??? Well there are new shoes and them I thought if I lost weight then it would be easier to run as well. Less weight to hall around, less force on my feet while I run.  Why isn't a diet sticking, truth of the madder is I am a stubborn spoiled brat. That is right I don't wanna & if I have to I want it to happen now.  While visiting with a friend the other day I was saying how I need to stop the thinking working out or running a 5K means I get to go out to eat.  I then had a thought out of no where that this is how I have been trained since I started in sports.  I started sports in Jr High and after EVERY game we would go to McDonald's to eat.  So for all of my sports participation fought me that I play a game, work hard then I get a cheese burger and fries.  We learned that the bus driver and coaches eat free at McDonald's if they bring the team in.  So then I was thinking about the foods we put in and how I am sure if I ate better I would be able to perform better.  I mean you don't up crap oil in a race car. Yes I did just compare myself to a sports car, my husband will appreciate this reference.  But really I see my self as an athlete in training. I want to get better at my sport and more athletic but the weight is truly getting in my way and holding me down.  Not only that but the quality of food I am putting into my body isn't helping the situation either.  In Christ Powell's "Choose to Lose" book he talks about treating our body as a machine. Here is my blog post where I talked about his book: Choose to Lose.  He talks about how if we are overweight it is proof that our machine is operating property.  Again I highly recommend this book.  It helps change some thinking. I mean I've always know yeah we need to eat better to be healthier. And people always say this is the way to lose weight. But to think about it as if I eat this it is not going to make me faster, it's not going to make running easier.  Hmmmm??? Something to think about.  I mean this may just take the whole stubborn brat out of the equation.

The Illusive runners high & the importance of post-it notes

It took almost 5 months of running but I FINALLY experienced the runners high they talk about.  I started running because after last years Warrior Dash I knew if I could do that w/o any training  I could accomplish so much with some training. I started noticing people running on the road and I came more and more fascinated by them. Talking to my BFF about things we resigned up for the Warrior Dash then the color run.  We have now become obsessed with signing up for events.  As much as I've been wanting to become a runner, running had yet to bring the illusive high everyone talks about. I've been told for 20 years, since I started battling w/ anxiety & depression, that exercise is the best cure for it. I kept telling DH that running seemed to be having no effect on me.

Two days ago it had been 5 days since running and I did my week 6 day 2 that has the 10 min run, 3 min walk, 10 min run.  I found it so hard. I felt like I couldn't breath. I was kicking myself for waiting to long between my training again. Anything longer than 2 days w/o running and your body yells at you about it. So today I knew it was a running day today and I should run, but it was Week 6 Day 3 and that is the running for 22 mins w/o stoping. It has been 10 weeks to the day since I've first did this and after my run two days ago I was a little worried. I was being lazy and didn't want to run tonight. My running journal states how must I was dreading this run and how I had planned on just doing it tomorrow. I had told DH I was going to go take my shower,  and he said but you said you need to run first. I told him I don't wanna. He told me I should, I came up with a couple reasons/excuses as to why tonights not the best time to run.  My poor DH, he tries to encourage me and I always try to shut it down.  I sat for a few more minutes and thought to my self; shut up put and get your ass on that treadmill.  I went and let DH know I was going to run. He hugged me and told me how proud he was of me.

Since he was home he'd keep the kids busy. Seriously uninterrupted treadmill time is amazing. When I did this run 10 weeks ago after consistently running every other day for the 6 weeks of the C25K program I did this at 4.1 mph and it was hard. I was wheezing and it so much pain after it.  Today I put my Garmin watch on, to track my time, did my 5 min walk warm up. Then I did the most important part of my run today. This is where the post-it notes come into play.  I put POST-IT's over my displays on my treadmill.  Yup that's right POST-IT's.  So many mental games come into play while running. I have found in my training that seeing the clock can make me go from feeling fine to feeling like I am going to fall on the floor.   So I started running,  I knew I would have to run about 5 songs to be at my 22 mins.  So I didn't look at my watch for time until after song 3 to see how I was going and it was a 2 songs later I finished 24 mins of running, nonstop.  Not only was it non stop but the first half of it was at 4.5 to 4.8 mph.  No inhaler was used, no feeling like I had to stop. Not going to lie the thoughts of stopping, walking for a minute, and wondering how I am every going to be able to keep this up for 3 & half hours for the Tinker Bell Marathon, all were going through my mind.  I probably could have run a little more too.  I stopped and felt AH-MAZING, I was like what is going on??? I don't hurt, my lungs aren't on fire and I feel GREAT!! Then it hit me Oh My Goodness, it's a high!!!!  I am finally feeling that burst of endorphins. I took my shower and was waiting for it to pass. Thinking I always feel pretty good after a 5K event but it fades super fast basically as soon as I get away from the music.  But it continued, it continued for a couple hours. What triggered this high? Was it pushing my self further was it just the fact that the activity took place longer and that is what finally triggered the endorphins to kick in??

I want to remind everyone that ANYONE can do this. If I can do it anyone can.  I am an overweight, asthmatic women in her 30's.  Reading my C25K journey and this post "My Legs Hurt" And that was Week 3 and I am talking about how I felt like I was going to die and this had two 90 sec jogging parts and one 3 min and that was the hardest 3 mins ever. So remember everyone is on their own journey. You can't compare your journey to mine or anyone else's but you feel encouraged, motivated. My journey is far from perfect but today I feel like I am making progress. Start your journey, take that first step and keep moving forward.

What didn't happen

In March I signed up for a bunch of 5K's and a sprint triathlon. Made my goal poster with the goal to complete the Couch to 5K program and lose 55 lbs by Sept 1st…………………..All of this isn't going to happen.  My weight is right where we started. For the first time in my life my Mom weighs less than I do. I haven't completed the C25K program yet.  The triathlon came and went today with out me. I haven't trained properly for the Warrior Dash, pretty sure it'll kick my ass again this year instead of me kicking it's.  It is so easy to focus on what didn't happen. What we didn't accomplish, what we "failed" to do. Like I've been talking about it is the fear of repeating the past that holds us back.

We have to change our focus. I can't change the fact that my goal poster said Sept 2014 but I can't make a new goal poster w/ a new date.  The date is important because it is part of making S.M.A.R.T goals.

S-Specific

M-Measureable

A-Attainable

R-Relevant

T-Time-Bound

But what did happen since March???  I did start the C25K, and now I am working on the C210K.   I have found a desire to run. I've completed 4, 5K's and I have registered for the Tinker Bell Half Marathon next May. I will be making a new goal posted w/ all my new 5K's and the Tinker Bell Half listed on it too.  I have two dates I want to accomplish things by and that is my birthday and the TBH.  Tomorrow marks 28 Weeks until my 35th Birthday. 28 weeks will fly by and that scares me.  The time will pass anyway.  I can say well it doesn't matter what I do today it's just one more day of not starting. But all those days add up.  28 weeks at my new plan of 1.25 lbs loss a week is 35 pounds. Will I be at my goal weight? No, but I'll be allot closer than I am right now.  9 weeks after my birthday is the TBH.  9 more weeks of weight loss is another 11 lbs. I need to have completed my half marathon training that I plan on starting after our 10K in October.  I need to stay focused w/ purpose. The eating right will be key to the weight loss goal and I have the training plans for both my 10K & my Half printed out and ready to go. Just have to track my progress and stick to the plan.   

Team Captain...

Last night I was looking up more 5K's and I finally decided to sing up for the Biggest Loser 5K that is coming our way.  I really wanted to do the half marathon because they allow 5 hours for it and I could walk that & kind of get an idea of the distance I need to cover for the Tinkerbell half next year. But my BFF accidentally ran a little over 7 miles the other weekend and she is still sore.  She is in better shape than I am and she thought we should wait and stick to our training plan w/ our first 10K just a couple weeks after the Biggest Loser 5K. So I started a team and signed myself up as team captain for the Biggest Loser Run/Walk Challenge.  I am pretty excited about it.  I hope it motivates some people I know that have been wanting to run but haven't started yet.  It is the PERFECT opportunity to give your self a goal to push towards and start the training. And honestly they have a walk options so even if anyone is to intimidated to say they are going to run it they can walk the whole thing and get there Finisher Medal!! RACE BLING!!!! I love Race Bling!! I think it is like possibly the best first 5K for anyone.  It is along the water front and it just going to be a fun time.

All this in the midst of me still feeling bad about not trying the triathlon I signed up for this weekend. I wish I caws a better swimmer.  The whole reason I am not is because I really can't swim more than about 1 pool length w/o stoping and the length of the tri swim is 22 pool lengths. I had this vision of myself crossing the finish line and being so proud.  I wish I felt it was a safe option for me to compete.

When I was spreading the word about the Biggest Loser 5K, I was asked if I would be doing training runs w/ groups. I to.d them I had never thought about it.  The couch to 5K program is only 30 mins 3x a week. I never thought about meeting up with people at a track and helping them through it.  I think that would be amazing!!!  Which then takes me back to the thought of getting my personal trainer certification.  I need to focus on getting myself to work out consistently again. I am still running but not every other day like I should but I am still getting the running in but maybe 3 days apart which makes the training more difficult. It is amazing how much easier it becomes when you do the 3 days a week plan. I mean it is crazy easier than every 3 days.  

I went grocery shopping today and am planning on started to eat better again tomorrow. It is always a fearful thing for me but I've got to get going. I don't want to carry all this weight on 13.1 miles next year. I will be tracking what I eat and I am thinking about doing a weekly round up where I post what I ate each day along w/ my weigh in. Not sure if anyone wants to know those details but I am thinking if I am planing on sharing them w/ the world and letting the world know of that maybe I will stay more on plan…...

My favorite thing is coming up…Insert sarcasm

Well next week my schedule changes at work and I do NOT like change. I have anxiety & panic issues and this is one of my main triggers….change. OH JOY!! Since my oldest was 6 months old I've have worked three days a week and have had two days off in a  row to spend time with my boys.  I now I have to work everyday.  This is a big change for me and the idea that my youngest will be asking when "Mommy Day" is just kills me.  He already asks it every day. "Good morning is this a Mommy Day?" When I tell him I have to go to work the sadness that comes over me just breaks my heart.  I've had lots of long talks w/ DH about what our next step is.  It is to continue pressing on towards our goals. I can't control the future or change what I haven't done in the past.

I let so much of the past stand in my way.  I let failures from my past weigh into what my choices are for my future, and that really complicates things.  I've been feeling like I haven't been making any headway on my goals and I file this all in the failure folder I have in my brain.  Our brain is unable to determine sarcasm, lies or exsagerations from the truth.  So everything we say to ourselves our brains considers truth and then it will gather all and any info to prove what you have told it to be true. For example lets say you have a an experience where you were made fun of when you sang. You then create a file in your brain that you can't sing. The rest of your life, unless you train it otherwise, your brain gathers "facts" to support that you are a bad singer. Every time your voice cracks, every time you're singing and someone near by makes a face. These things must certainly be part of the fact that you can't sing.  When truly you may be able to sing but you have trained your brain so far in the other direction that it's not even an option anymore. Same then when we tell our brains things such as we are fat or we are a failure. Our brain will continue to search for "facts" to prove that this is truth.

Can we retrain our brain, yes we can. But it takes hard work and allot of positive self talk.  I always feel  a little crazier than normal when I am running. I reach this point where my brain starts to make a deal with me. Telling me you did great! It's ok to stop early, You've run for 25 mins w/o stopping before what is this 10 mins going to prove.  Just take a walk break, your half marathon training recommends to find at interval that works for you and so you may never need to run 10 mins w/o a walk break.  At this point I have to, literally at times, shake it off and start the positive self talk. Telling myself how awesome I am, you can do this, you've done it before. You're not a quitter. And I repeat this stuff over and over and over until my running interval is done.  You can't change the past but you can prevent it from effecting your future.

Running on Vacation

We went to the ocean this week, for our little family get away, and I had decided I was going to go for a run. So the first day we were here I was just finishing up reading "Confessions of a Fat Marathoner" and the chapter is titled "Running on Vacation".  She goes on to say what a horrible sin it is to run on vacation.  The next morning came and I told DH lets get our run done.  I liked the idea of getting out there and running a 5K, but I haven't ran one since the Beach to Chowder. I didn't feel like I was in as good of running shape as I was for the Beach to Chowder. I had been running for over 5 weeks then and now I've only been back to running for 2 weeks. So we went out and started w/ my C25K week 5 day 3. Running outside is so much more difficult than running on my treadmill. I was keeping a pretty good pace in the beginning but then I couldn't breath again.   My muscles were no where near ready to stop but my lungs were screaming at me.  My cardio is in such bad shape. I started wheezing after our first 5 min run part of the C25K.  DH isn't a runner and yet his cardio is in great shape from biking so he could talk during our whole run, this fact really bothers me that he can go out and run like it's nothing and here I am going on 4 months of running (w/ a 6 week break) and I am still wheezing.  The funny thing was that during our run DH was complaining about his muscles hurting and that he really didn't want to keep jogging he wanted to stop and walk. A cyclist was passing us at one point and I DH said that he was going to knock him over and take his bike so he could stop running. At another point we had to top so DH could stretch. We ended up doing a FULL 5K!!! This marks my first non event 5K.  There was no bib number, no medal just me running a 5K to run a 5K.  I did it in about the same time as I did the color run. So not my fastest 5K but w/ only 2 weeks of running back on my legs that sounds about right.  

Before we set out for our run

I told DH as we hit the half way point
that it was time to pretend we were having
fun for a pic. :-)

Another CRAZY thing that happened this week was I am officially signed up for the my first half marathon next May!!! GULP  I am excited and scared out of my mind all at the same time!  DH thinks I'll be fine by the time it comes but I am still concerned that it will get here and I won't be ready because that is where I am with my triathlon.  DH has agreed with me that I haven't trained properly for the triathlon when it comes to the swimming and he doesn't think I should do it and I agree with him.  He said I can consider my entrance fee to that as a donation to their cause but that I am NOT allowed to do this for my half marathon!!

My number one weight loss tip.

This is my 100th blog post for this year!!!!  I've been thinking about what to post because for my 100th posit it has to be a good post. ;-) So I've decided to tell everyone my number one weight loss tip.  Some people may not agree but I know for me, it is one of the most important steps in starting the weight loss process. For most of us weight loss is a mental game.

We know what to do but we choose not to. Why is this?? For me I know it is because I am a Mom that has a habit of putting herself last.  My weight loss tip has nothing to do with diet or exercise because if you're like me it isn't that I don't know what I should eat and how to count calories etc. But it is the continued lack of self worth, that prevents me from taking care of my needs.  So here is my number one weight loss tip.  Do what ever you need to do to feel good about yourself. Here is why: when I am feeling depressed and fat I sit around, watching TV and eating junk.  I over sleep and throw something on and go to work.  I believe that if we feel better about our selves and have better self worth we will start making better choices because we will feel that we do matter.  What do I do?  First I start with my skin care. As silly as it sounds that is my first, lets take care of me, step. My face clears up and starts to have that natural glow again.  Then I make the effort to put on make up every morning.  Now this I know some people will say you don't need make up to be beautiful and you're right. But it makes me feel better about myself, so that is something I do.  Next I need a couple outfits that don't make me feel dumpy or fat. Not saying buy new clothing but dig through that closet. For example: I have one pair of jeans that fit pretty good & I don't have muffing top in. Those can be dressed up or dressed down. A baggy tee doesn't help me feel better about me, I can hear some people again. Clothing doesn't matter, I can be confident in what ever I wear. That is great & good for you. I am all for being comfortable but I don't think any of us can deny that we walk a little taller when we are dressed to the nines vs yoga pants and a old concert tee. Once we start feeling better about our selves it doesn't seem so difficult to choose the salad instead of McDonald's.  So do whatever you need to do that make you feel more important to you. Once we make ourselves a priority in our lives we start finding the time to make those meal plans, pack lunches and eat right. The healthier I am the better wife, mother & friend I can be. So I try to remember that taking care of myself is the best thing I can do for my family.