Putting things in perspective

There will be no discussion of weight loss today.  Today there was a terrible massacre at a CT elementary school. 27 dead 18 of which were children. He went in started in the office & then went right to the Kindergarden class room & fished there.  I am sick, I've been crying.  DS1 is in Kindergarden & I can't imagine what they families are going through.  Those poor kids & families all looking forward to the Holidays.  Probably already purchased presents & have them wrapped under the tree. :'-(  Every time my DS1 today says something about how excited his is for Christmas & I think how that is all those students were probably thinking about.  What do those families do now? Return the presents, pack them up.  I would probably go one of two ways.  Either insist on nothing being touched & everything to stay just as it was forever tree up, presents and all.  Or the other extreme not being able to enjoy Christmas or decorate because it reminds me to much.   Praise God they are in Heaven & are being comforted by the most high.  

You may say how can God let this happen. Well that is where we are blessed w/ the amazing thing called Free Will.  He didn't want to force his creating to love him he wanted them to do it on there own. Just like we do w/ our SO we don't want to force someone to love us if they really aren't there. So his gift a free will is not to tie us down to give us freedom.   So I can guarantee that God tried to stop what happened today but he can't force anyone to do or not do anything.  God will be there for the families that turn to him.  I am trying to find peace in knowing the shooter will pay for his crimes for all of eternity in Hell & the children are already healed & loving Heaven.  It is the families that are left behind that I hurt & cry for.  They pain they have to deal w/ to go on w/o there loved one.

It makes all the things I've been stressing about seem so small & unimportant. My weight, my job, money.  I rather be poor & be home w/ my kids making the most of every moment.

Not to shabby

So today is day 5.  Because my weigh in for WW is on Tuesday I am starting my weekly points over tomorrow. However I still do have some weekly points left as if I was on plan for Tue & Wed. I am a little concerned cause I feel like I failed I ate out & even had chocolate tonight.  Yet I am tracking EVERYTHING & still have weekly points left. Granted it hasn't been a full week yet but I haven't used all my weekly points.  Could this be right?   I mean I feel like I have completely blown it a day or two & it says I am still on track???  I've had someone at work already ask me if I was loosing weight & I said just a couple pounds no way she could have noticed??  

As our Christmas present DH & I are going out on the town for a night away.  Nice Hotel, shopping, Holiday lights & a nice dinner.  So I NEED to save my weekly points for Saturday so that I can enjoy my dinner & not feel like I blew it.  Although if this is actually how it works feeling like I blew it when I didn't I need to retrain my brain.  Never thought that would have been wrong about screwing up my diet.  I find this to be an interesting turn of events. We will see what the scale says.

Can you be to fat for yoga???

So I never did get an official weigh in the morning I started.  I did start though & so far things are going pretty good. The plan to not use my weekly points didn't happen but I am still not over them yet.  I am deeming my weigh in day as Tuesday even though I started on a Wed but this way it is the same day I joined WW & I really like the meeting leader that afternoon, she goes to our church.  

I love watching the "Tia & Tamara" show on style network. And today Tia recorded a Yoga DVD. DH was in the room w/ me while I was watching, not really watching but dinking around on his iPad. Anyway so DH said there you go babe get her Yoga DVD & I bet the boys will do it with you. I thought that isn't a bad idea it is a nice quiet exercise that if I ever got up before the boys I could do it in the living room w/o waking them.  Also then the boys came into the room & immediately started trying to copy to poses that were on TV.  SO I started thinking well maybe I should give it a try but I feel like I am to fat for Yoga.  I mean I can't even really bend over how am I suppose to get in these tangled positions.   But I think it is good for strength training.  DH finally found me a road bike so I can use that & the trainer w/ have for my cardio.   It think hey that could be a good balance. But I enjoy weight lifting & worry that w/o that I'll be missing that important part of weight loss for my body.  My Dad has TONS of weights so I could always go over there to do my weight training but then again it is just like finding time to get out of the house to get to the gym. So maybe the Yoga DVD & Bike wouldn't be a perfect balance but I feel like it would be a great place to start.

So do I order the DVD or use the free On Demand Yoga.  My only problem I have w/ Yoga is when they focus on meditating.  I think it would be a great outlet to think like when I went to the gym was. But when they talk about being one w/ the earth & crap, it irritates me.  The free ons on OnDemand seem to be that way.  So maybe I will go to Amazon & order them.

The great purge..

Well today was the day of the great purge. I went thru our kitchen & threw out any source of "cheat" food, junk food. I at like a crazy woman today. Polished off almost a whole can of Almond Roca since last night, ate pizza for breakfast, about 6 mini Resse's Trees, peperoni sticks, then a Burger melt & split  onion rings & fries w/ the DH.  I started to feel ill.  

SO the plan is tomorrow is the day no more repeating the past, just keep moving forward. My goal for this week is to stick to my points. I am going to try not to use my weekly points on the daily ones. I feel like if I need to do something pretty strict for the first week & then that way the next week I will feel like w/ the weekly points it will be so much easier & I can keep going.

I also joining a Biggest Loser club at my work it starts next Monday & yes the thought did cross my mind that I should just wait to start until then but no I need to start NOW!

And repeat...

Wrote two days ago

Step 1. we eat all the junk food in the house including some purchases from that day, like things I want to eat before I start my diet. Step 2. Then we go shopping for healthy food & dinners. Step 3 eat well for at least 1/2 do diet day one maybe even a day & a 1/2. Step 4. Screw up & figure might as well blow the whole day. Then repeat. This is what has happened me for the last 4 years!!!! So frustrating. Then I go back to the fact that I need to choose this everyday all day long & remember when I screw up get right back to it, I don't get the night off.

I suffer the same battle in my mind every day. It's just one more day, then all of a sudden 6 months of one more days have gone by. How to fix my brain. Prayer, This is something I have done in the past but can't do on my own right now & I need to get healthy. I don't like feeling this way.