Long post warning....

Hello, well after all that success I had losing 7 lbs in one week using my body bug you would think that would have been the jump start I needed to keep going. But you guessed it, it wasn't.  I've gained a couple lbs back since then & haven't even tried to lose weight. I have lost all motivation for Many things.  

Life has been happening & that is not a good excuse but it is the only one I've got. Not that any excuse is valid mind you but it is the reason my brain can talk my self into eating the food I want to eat.  So I have been serious slacking my MK business & so I feel discouraged about that & frustrated that I've been in the company for over a year & half and I am not anywhere near where I wanted to be.  I was once so sure that this was my calling & God was going to use me in this position to reach women I wouldn't have met otherwise. And it would give me the opportunity to be a work from home Mom & raise my own children.  I am very thankful for the family that watches my family for the low price they do. But when the kids get to rule the house & do whatever they want even only that one day a week means we have to suffer the next day because they adjust so quickly to getting their way.  The day after is always difficult.  3 different sets of rules in our house every week is not an easy thing to understand.  So to have them on a set schedule & down to just our rules no exceptions would be amazing.

Also since the last time I wrote we went & visited my BFF in Boston.  She has been living there for 4 years and is finally moving back home in June, so it was now or never.  Of course we've intended on visiting the whole time she was there but never found a time that worked & I was terrified to fly over there just DH & I.  That comes from my low self esteem thinking that I am not enough for God to save & certain if we flew w/o a large group of people I knew I was doomed.  So the stress that came along with this upcoming trip was horrible. Completely irrational and unreasonable but horrible. Tons of tears & anxiety attacks. I couldn't even hold it together when my in-laws came to take us to the airport I had to say goodbye to my boys and was sure I was never going to see them again and they just didn't care that Mommy was leaving. Anyways, after some very strong spiritual battles while waiting in the airport we were on the plan & I decided that I had, had enough! I told God I trusted him fully & that I knew he was not only going to keep us safe but also my boys while I was gone & that He didn't bring me here to die. The weight was gone, then a second later we hear from the pilot "Ladies & Gentlemen I am sorry to say we are going to have to return to the gate(we were waiting to take off) due to some mechanical difficulties"  And normally that would have been a confirmation that things were wrong but instead I told the Devil "Nope It is not going to work & I rebuke you." I knew this meant God had my back. :-)  I was just so relieved that this overwhelming weight was gone & complete trust in my God & Savior was such a reassuring feeling.  And the trip was great.  Full of History, which I could have really cared less about, but it was great seeing our friends & having that one on one break through w/ God.

Here is a a few pictures from our trip.

My BFF & I

Yummy & cheap lobster

DH & I

Anyways in the middle of my anxiety for our trip we get the announcement that they'll be lay offs at my DH work and it will be effecting his dept.  So there is an added stress of is my husband going to have a job and this came right after he got a pretty good raise & I saw light at the end of the tunnel for me working  I was finally going to be home with the boys w/in the next year.  So this was stressful not just the possible loss of money but the loss of the chance of being able to raise our children & quit my 9-5 and we placed our Hawaii trip on hold incase we don't have the money.  Then about a week or so before our trip to Boston but over a week since we were told about possible layoffs. My DH calls me from work & asks what are we doing 5/22-6/2?  I take a deep breath cause I know this is how it started the last two times. And he says work is sending me to Hong Kong.  WTFrik?!?!?!?  Hong Kong for 12 days!  I was so not happy about this. Everyone around me said it was a good sign that they were not going to lay him off if they are sending him to Hong Kong.  This brings me back to the whole reason I started my MK business so I could not work & maybe even travel with him.  This is his third trip in 19 months.  Travel isn't part of his job description they choose to send him on special projects because it is so good at what he does.  So on one hand I am extremely proud of my amazing man and on the other I don't want him to go.  This will mark the longest we've ever been apart.  I had recently read "The Prayer of Jaybez" and just reread it. I know God has amazing plans for us and they are bigger than we ever thought possible and all this change & breakthrough is part of it.  So I knew no matter what happens layoffs or no layoffs we will be heading in the right direction.  This has had Chad put in his resume into a department at where he works that he would have never thought of so this may have been the push we needed to go a different direction.

So here is what the time line has looked like for the last few weeks:

5/10- Leave for Boston

5/14- Come home from Boston

5/17- Frist round of layoff notices

5/22-DH leaves for Hong Kong

I am happy to say we survived the first round of lay off notices and that it is looking pretty good that we will survive the next round on 6/21. 

All this to say watching what I eat has been very far from my mind.  But now with the first round of layoffs behind us and a possibility that Hawaii is going to be back on. I am now quickly realizing that I am running out of time. I had everything in place that I thought I would need. I have my goals, rewards & reasons not to quit in my car, my work, the kitchen & our bathroom also includes a tracking sheet that my DH is suppose to be keeping me accountable with. At first he did but now were are about a month since I stopped and he was stressed about layoffs so his mind was elsewhere as well. So I desperately want to start again tomorrow. I take DH to the airport for his business trip and my appetite always isn't as strong when he is gone so I want to use that for my advantage and then I am just making food for myself and not having to worry about what DH wants to eat.   The week I did so well & lost 7 lbs I was cleaning my house and taking my vitamins from Advocare & I think they really helped. So I ordered more and they should be here in the next day or two.  I am sure I'll be writing more entries since I don't sleep as well when DH is gone.